While anyone is allowed to have their own personality and ways of expressing themselves, there are some basic steps each person can take to improve relationships with others. Making a good impression on those around you and building your reputation can improve networking, career development and socialization processes.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Pleasing Others in Daily Conversations
Step 1. Be respectful and polite to everyone you meet
This means respecting friends, complete strangers and, most of all, yourself! If you judge or have a haughty attitude towards other people, they are very likely to treat you the same way. Making others feel welcomed and appreciated will put you on the right path to making new friends.
- Interact with strangers in a gentle and quiet way, be patient in asking for favors, respond promptly and remember to say "please" and "thank you".
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Remember that all the people who interact with you are human beings. Just because you're paying someone to reserve you a table doesn't give you the right to be rude; treat everyone as you would like to be treated, as if you were in their place.
As J. K. Rowling, "It is easy to understand what a person is like by observing how he treats those who are inferior to him and not those who are his equals."
Step 2. Believe in yourself
People love to surround themselves with self-confident ones without being arrogant. Believe in who you are, without always stepping on other people's toes. A good level of self-confidence means knowing that you are good, but also that there is always someone better than you.
- If you continually criticize yourself and seem unhappy with who you are, you run the risk of others starting to think the same about you. After all, if you are not satisfied with yourself, why should others be?
- The other side of the coin is just as bad - if you are too full of yourself, people will think that you like yourself so much that no one else needs to like you. The aim is to be satisfied, not to sin with pride.
Step 3. Be honest, but kindly
It is especially important to be honest with friends and with people who ask you for advice. Usually, people recognize when someone is lying and pretending; people who lie are despised. The people you want to be around you shouldn't tolerate lying.
- When someone asks you "Does this make me look fat?" (yes, it is a cliché, but it is a classic example), comment in a polite way, place yourself so as not to irritate the other person. If you know you're trendy, tell them WHY. They will be sure they can trust you knowing that you are honest and they will appreciate your help.
- Being brutally honest with someone who hasn't asked for your advice is a misleading idea. Making comments in this way can generate positive or offensive responses, depending on the person's personality, so judging the situation is at your own risk. You should probably avoid embarking on negative comments, no matter how truthful, with people you don't know well or who aren't good friends.
Step 4. Listen
There is not a single person on Earth who feels that they are receiving too much attention (or at least one person who is not constantly chased by the paparazzi). When we humans engage in conversation, for the most part we are looking for someone who is genuinely interested in what "we" have to say - the other person's input is secondary. Don't think you're boring! You're just trying to make the other person feel good about themselves.
It is important to listen actively, though. If someone keeps talking about the most effective way to wash their dog, while you look up to the sky, even if the idea seems tempting, it won't make you a good listener. Try to get fully involved every time - your eyes, head movements, comments and questions and your body position - everything should be focused on the other person
Step 5. Ask questions
A good part of being good at conversations (and therefore while listening) is asking questions. An index of good socialization is when you feel good walking away from a conversation and don't think you haven't learned anything about the other person because you talked too much. Be that person. Ask who, why or how. The other will feel appreciated, loved, and will begin to make speeches for which you will feel less pressured. And he will like you for it.
Leave things unfinished. If Monica from the office tells you "Oh my God, I spent hours on this damn Power Point", go for it! Ask her what it was for, why it took longer than expected or how she conducted the research. Even a trivial topic like a Power Point presentation can start a good conversation in which your colleague will feel heard
Step 6. Use people's names
One of the golden rules of Dale Carnegie's smash hit "How to Treat Others and Make Friends" is to use a person's name in conversation. Hearing one's name activates a region of the brain that remains inactive with any other word and we all want it. Our name is our identity and talking to someone who uses it makes us feel as if our identity is being recognized. So, next time you talk to someone you know, stick their name into the conversation. There is a good chance that the other person will feel a connection with you that otherwise could not exist.
This is easy enough to do. The most obvious way is to add the name when you say hello. "Hey, Roberto, how are you?" it's much more personal than "Hey, how are you?". And if you are close enough to Roberto to say "Hey, old Rob, how are you?" it can work in turn. Aside from greetings, you can randomly enter the name pretty much anywhere during the conversation. Whether it's at the beginning - "What do you think of this for my desk, Roberto?" - or just a comment, “Roberto, you are really ridiculous”, this person will practically feel like your best friend
Step 7. Get to know the people around you
There is a good chance that you know people in different social groups. Making the group of the most popular girls in school like you (as long as they are able to like someone) is a very different thing from being invited to go out on a Friday night by your college friends. So you need to know who you are dealing with. What do they like? What do these people value? What interests them?
If you really want to please others (being popular and pleasing others are not the same thing), you are in luck: usually, all human beings love the same qualities. And no, wealth and physical appearance are not on the list. Reliability, honesty, human warmth and kindness are, according to a recent study, the qualities most valued and which have recorded the highest score (at all levels of relationships), while extroversion, intelligence and a sense of humor come immediately after
Step 8. Acknowledge reciprocity
You can ask all the questions you want, be super polite, say all the right things, yet sometimes people still won't get it. If every time you approach Marco, he incredibly receives a call on the phone, you get the clue. Start directing your energies somewhere else. It will happen - you can't please everyone. Although it is important to commit oneself, it is also important to commit oneself to those who deserve it.
Relationships are all about take and give. If you are constantly making an effort, texting and working hard to be kind and friendly, observe the situation. If there is an explanation (the person is going through a difficult time, works 60 hours a week, etc.) then you will probably have to bear the weight of the situation. But if that person behaves differently to other people, not having time for you, go somewhere else. You can't be friends with everyone
Step 9. Make others laugh
Anyone who appreciates people who know how to release tension in the room and make people laugh. A good sense of humor can take you a long way. When people know that you are witty and that you love to have fun, they want to join you. It's also a great way to be available because people will know what to say (they want to please others just like you too) - they can even joke around with you! Win, win, win.
If once in a while others laugh "at" you, that's great! If you too are capable of laughing at yourself, you are on the right track. This shows that you are a simple person and not overly concerned with your image - two very positive things. And some research has also shown that embarrassment makes people more pleasant, leading them to establish bonds based on mutual trust - you become a real person in their eyes. Makes sense, doesn't it?
Part 2 of 4: Learning to Handle Body Language in a Pleasant Way
Step 1. Remember to smile
You give off positive vibes with this simple gesture and you can improve the mood of the people around you. Even if you don't feel particularly joyful or are a little down in the dumps, the voluntary action of your smiling muscles can sometimes trigger feelings of lightness and happiness.
- Try to have happy thoughts of past moments that made you smile to help you have a genuine smile. If nothing else, people will wonder why the hell are you laughing!
- More facial muscles are used to frown than to smile - and for good reason! Everyone should laugh more often than they frown.
Step 2. Open up
The central fact is that everyone wants to please. All. It's a simple logic - the more others like you, the easier life is. Since everyone is fighting the same battle, help them out a little. Be available (when you're not trying to get close to someone else - which is possible). Smile, open your arms and put the phone away. The world is in front of you. What can happen to you if you let things flow?
Think about the people you would like to be friends with. Chances are good that an adjective you wouldn't use to describe them is "grumpy". If you want to do your part by making new friends, make sure your vibes are welcoming. Keep your body relaxed, show yourself inserted into your environment and pay attention to people. You'll be halfway there already, really
Step 3. Look for eye contact
Have you ever talked to someone and their eyes seem to be wandering around the room everywhere except you? It is a very unpleasant feeling - as soon as you notice it, you are tempted to shut up instantly to see if the other person reacts. Don't be that kind of person. If someone is saying something casually, it's easy to get distracted (it's not that you have to play who stares longer), but if the topic you are talking about is really important to the other person, pay attention to them. You would want it too, if it were the other way around!
Some people have a hard time looking in the eye - they really can't. If you are one of these people, try to fool yourself and stare at their nose or eyebrows. People tend to get annoyed if you don't look at them, so deceive them and yourself by looking close to your interlocutor's eyes
Step 4. Mirror people
A known way to unconsciously increase the relationship between two people is mirroring or imitation - that is, when both people have the same attitude, facial expressions, weight distribution, body position, etc. Think you can play with these elements during a conversation - the perception of being similar can make you take great strides. However, since it is supposed to be unconscious, don't play with this too much - you may get absorbed in it!
This is generally good when you are working with a group of people of your own level - not when you are working with superiors. Recent studies have shown that the opposite effect can occur - feelings of detachment, etc. - when two people are not in an appropriate context (when it comes to money, work problems and so on). So stick to this rule when you are among friends with whom you want to have a closer bond and not with your boss
Step 5. Show deference
There is a good chance that at some point in life someone will highlight the importance of keeping your shoulders back, your head held high and having a firm handshake. While these tips are appropriate in certain situations (like a job interview), they are out of place when making new friends by trying to please. Your body should be relaxed, not framed. In this way you do not lead to an attitude of challenge towards the other person.
Think you need to say hello to someone. In the video where Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela meet (two people who have every right to think they are important) they both show deference - a slight bow and a step back, using their free arm to touch each other, smiling. Both convey a feeling of respect and benevolence - which is very likely to be reciprocated by the other person
Step 6. Use the power of touch
Human beings need other human beings to survive and, of course, to be happy. Babies who don't get enough physical contact don't grow up healthily. The same goes for adults! If you want to create a stronger bond with someone, find small opportunities to make contact. Appropriate physical contact, of course! Rub your arm or shoulder or even high-five. These little moments turn into bonds when there is contact.
Imagine someone walking towards you and saying “Hi! How are you?". Now imagine the same person walking towards you and saying “[Your name]! How are you?" and lightly touch your arm as it passes. Which of the two ways of greeting left you with a feeling of warmth? Probably the second, right? Use it. It costs nothing
Part 3 of 4: Think about the Part
Step 1. Make people like you
Directly, the easiest way to please someone is to have this person like you. It's not an impossible thing to understand, is it? You certainly had people around who didn't care at all whether you were there or not. And you've probably been surrounded by opposite people as well - people who make you feel appreciated and who are clearly happy to have you there. Which do you prefer more, even without knowing why?
You can't expect people to like you if you can't say the same about yourself. There's a good chance you'll like the people you want to like (otherwise why would you care?), So show that! Smile when they enter the room. Talk to them. Comment on a detail they mentioned last Wednesday to show you were listening. The little things will make them understand your spontaneity
Step 2. Be positive
Everyone wants to be around people who are so sunny that they light up a room. And the opposite is also true - no one wants to be together with those who only cry on themselves. To make people like you, be positive. This means smiling, being enthusiastic, happy and having an optimistic mindset. You probably know someone who is like that and you can emulate.
- It's a 24/7 thing to do. It will be hard to be positive with people when you are negative on your own. You have to train your brain to have certain habits - positivity is one of them. Always try to think constructively even when you are alone; in this way it will soon become a habit.
- Know when it's time to complain. There are levels in relationships where one can complain. Talking to your coworkers about how awful the new boss is will make you even more friends - but if you limit yourself to that, you will be attributed a negative temper. Complain in moderation and use this technique only to relate to others - not to spark an argument or turn the conversation around.
Step 3. Think about your strengths and explore opportunities to demonstrate them
What talent or trait do friends admire about you? Show it to the world! People are naturally drawn to those who have passions and skills. It is useful, valuable and interesting. Whatever it is, carry your flag high with pride.
If you are good at singing, organize a karaoke night and entertain your guests. Are you good at cooking? Bring a dessert to the office. Can you paint? Invite a group of friends to your exhibition or simply hang one of your works in the common area. Let people see your personality so they can get to know you a little better
Step 4. But the most important thing is to remember to be yourself
It is impossible to please everyone - the clash between different personalities inevitably happens - but you will have earned the admiration of those who are most compatible with you and who are really important.
People like people who are sincere and spontaneous, so avoid straying too far from behaviors that make you feel comfortable. Acting falsely could be a signal to the people you are in tune with. Speak and act according to what you really believe. If you want to please people, you will have to have good intentions and everything will be fine
Step 5. Know that others are affected by superficial aspects only momentarily
People love spontaneity. So if those six pack abs have earned you a couple of fans, know that it's totally meaningless and won't last long. Of course, there is the temptation to think that if you are attractive, people will like you more - and in some ways it is true, but only up to a certain point. You have to have the qualities to confirm it. If people understand that you are a big liar, they will dump you like a sack of potatoes regardless of your physical appearance.
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In a recent study, participants were asked what qualities they think people look for in friendships and relationships. Money, physical appearance, and social status all received fairly high marks. But then, when the participants were asked what they value most, they answered: honesty, human warmth and kindness. Society tells us (unfairly) that physical appearance and money are more important than anything else, but deep down each of us knows that this is not the case. If you really want to please people, worry about the content of your book, not the cover.
Having said that, hygiene is important. People might not be around you if you smell like farm dung. You may also have the personality of Mother Teresa or be as likeable as Bill Cosby, but they will probably turn their backs on you. So take a shower, brush your teeth, look in the mirror before you go out, and then walk out with a big smile
Step 6. Know that you will feel vulnerable
Wanting to please will put you at the mercy of other people. Getting out of your box to receive understanding will make you feel a little uncomfortable. The actions you take may scare you. This is good. It is a challenge and is in favor of your growth. As long as you continue to feel yourself, you are just building your character, improving yourself. It can be scary, but it will be worth it.
There is a difference between wanting to please people and needing to please others in order to be happy. The image you have of yourself should not be based on the approval of others; very soon you will find yourself suffering from it. But if you're comfortable with yourself and just want to be welcomed by others, it's a respectable choice. People will notice this and respond accordingly. The "fear" factor will disappear over time
Step 7. Check your insecurities
Most people are abandoned because they cannot let go of their insecurities. Saying something like “Okay… That's enough for me” or constantly commenting on how ugly or fat you are will make others realize you don't like yourself. This type of personal negativity has no effect on anyone. So leave it outside the door. It's not good for you or your friendships.
Insecurity is the name we give to the feelings that assail us and the behaviors we engage in when we are not completely comfortable with ourselves. If you feel this way, you dull the enthusiasm wherever you are and many people will not want to take it upon themselves. Don't worry about being humble or arrogant. Tell it how it is. It's worth it, for you and everyone
Step 8. Acknowledge that you are able to control your thoughts
Negativity can be learned and unlearned; no one would say "Oh my God, my baby is so negative". If positivity is important to you, fortunately you are not the only one who can change things! Your brain is plastic and you can train it. You just have to work hard and you will succeed.
The easiest way to start is to quit. Stop the negativity. When you find yourself thinking about something negative about yourself, don't get to the end of the thought. Replace it with something more realistic and positive. You will feel better. Replace "I'm so fat!" in “I'd like to lose a few pounds. How could I do?" and from there a new kind of thinking will begin. Time to get started
Step 9. Don't be swayed by other people's preconceptions
We talked about how self-confidence is a very, very pleasant quality, and being calm about the way you present yourself to others is a bit the same thing. When you start introducing yourself, people will notice. Think of the guy who struts at the party. He is trying to pose as "macho" so that everyone in the room notices him. It is not attractive. It is not sincere and, frankly, it is also sad; he thinks that simply being himself would not be enough. Don't become with him.
It doesn't matter if you are a fool or a cool guy or an athlete. If people think that because you like bright nail polish then you are an idiot, leave them in error. If they think your vegan makes you crazy, great. People will judge you - let them do it. They can think what they want. It shouldn't have any effect on you
Part 4 of 4: Having Good Habits
Step 1. Be kind and kind
Do you know why shy people end up having a bad reputation? Because others mistake their shyness for coldness and disinterest. These two qualities annoy people and push them away. Behave differently! Friendliness and kindness are valued positively in all societies - it is a sign that you have the interest of other people at heart and that you want the best for them. Who wouldn't like it?
Perform acts of kindness at random. Do things for other people, even if you don't know them. Keep the door open when you exit a building, pick up something if a stranger drops it, and offer to take a photo of a group of friends who want to capture a moment. This kind of altruism inspires others to do the same in return - not just for you, but for other people in their lives as well
Step 2. Be outgoing
.. until a certain point. Generally speaking, people value a certain level of extroversion positively. Which makes sense: We all want to talk and socialize and being outgoing decreases the risk of being in awkward situations. If you are sitting at the table without saying a word and not contributing to the conversation, then it means that even if you were somewhere else it wouldn't make any difference. Take action! Let others hear your voice. How else do you think people can understand what you are worth?
However, if you feel guilty about not being able to shut up for a second, you may at least want to lower your bar. While everyone likes someone who can strike up a good conversation, it's not like people want to spend time with someone who won't let them say a word. If the last 5 points listed feel like yours, take a step back. The other person may not be the type to jump into the conversation by invitation. Ask for his opinion to share the center of attention with you
Step 3. Don't be a licker
People like to be with nice people, not those who are dying to be appreciated. If you constantly compliment others and follow them like a dog, you won't get what you want. The gentler you are, the more you will be seen as an annoying gnat that needs to be squashed. Avoid always being clingy who needs attention.
If you are careful, you will be able to see the clues. If someone doesn't call you back, just give you some cuteness, don't make a lot of effort - and you find yourself constantly pestering them to get out, you could be a sucker. Although you have good intentions, being desperate will not attract other people. Take a step back and see if the other person shows up
Step 4. Ask for favors
If you know what the Benjamin Franklin effect is, you will know where this is headed. The result is that we often take inspiration from our behaviors starting from our thoughts. If you do a good deed for someone, you will like that person more. If you hurt someone, you will like them less. It's all a matter of cognitive dissonance. So, ask for favors - if the other person does it for you, you will end up liking them more.
The basic idea is that we subconsciously observe our behavior and ask ourselves why we did it. Why did I give my favorite cup to an acquaintance? Well, so … It has to be because I like it. The light bulb comes on! Funny to see how deciding that we like someone is a bit the same as making us like that person
Step 5. Keep your promises
Make sure you stick to all your commitments. They are called "Commitments" precisely because you have to commit and make the effort for that particular task or event, so don't back down at the last minute. If skipping a commitment is unavoidable, inform all the other people involved as soon as you know you can't meet it. While it may still be annoying to them, at least they will know and can make other plans if necessary.
Whether it is an invitation to dinner or to finish a project, it is important to involve your friends and colleagues on the progress of what has been established. Whether it's a quick email saying everything is going well or a note of apology for an unexpected delay, people appreciate communication. Not knowing what is going on can be extremely frustrating, even if the project will be finished on time and excellently
Step 6. Stand up for what you believe in without lecturing
You have to have personality if you want to please people. Nobody would ever find fault with this. Part of having personality lies in believing in something, having opinions and principles. Express them! I am part of you. They charge people. If we all had the same principles and opinions, life would be incredibly boring. Take action. You could turn on something interesting.
Defending your values is one thing; preaching is another thing. If you don't agree with someone on a topic, great! Gut it out. Talk about it. Seek a discussion based on your opposing points of view. You will both learn something. Instead of silencing the other person, explain where he is wrong, explain your ideas, open your mind and try to understand the other point of view. Maybe you too will understand something new
Step 7. Know that making people happy is more important than anything else
People are sensitive creatures. If someone you know starts saying that the Easter Bunny comes from Jesus and you really want to please this person, don't start making a drama about how absurd all of this is. Forget it. The same thing happens if someone says something like “I really think my best quality is my extraordinary humility. I mean, all my actions are humble and selfless”. It is not the right time to reprimand this person about how arrogant he is and unable to see himself as he really is.
Again, that's only if you want these people to like you. After a series of comments about how great a person is, you have every right to lose your temper. But if you are new to the person or the group, sometimes it is best not to interrupt
Step 8. Compliment
Everyone is looking for confirmation. We all want to be told that we are beautiful, smart, funny and so on. We never hear enough of it. So when a person says something positive about you, it can really make your day better. Think about this: Some people go a lifetime without feeling even a good thing about them. Make this change. It will take a moment of your time.
Be honest. Don't go to someone to tell them how much you like their khakis. Try to make sense of what you say. Make it personal. It can be something as simple as "It's a great idea". Often the little things are the most appreciated (and credible) ones. "You make too much laugh" after a joke or "The article you wrote was enlightening; you really made me think”. Whatever you say, it will be because you think it. Something will probably come back to you
Step 9. Make an effort
Most people are not totally comfortable with others. We all would like to have some attention, but we really don't know how to get it. We all feel vulnerable among others and we tend to downplay. Understanding that we're all in the same boat will help you understand that making an effort isn't a strange thing - it's just a brave thing. Everyone would like to do it, but they are just too full of themselves. If there is someone you would like to be friends with, start talking to him. It could be the thing he's been waiting for.
It's impossible to please others if you don't come out for who you are. We often get the feeling that someone doesn't like it when that person simply has no positive or negative feelings towards us - and that's because you haven't made yourself known. Next time you're in a group of people you'd like to make friends with, show your personality. Make an effort to fill a role in the group. Make a joke, smile, start a simple conversation. Everything will start from there
Advice
- A very simple piece of advice for getting a particular person to like you is to ask them for help with something. Look for a request that has to do with their skills or interests. You will show not only that you pay attention to her, but also that you respect her authority on the subject that interests him.
- Don't brag. People who brag are unpleasant. It won't make you look better, but like you're looking for a round of applause. This is not so compelling.
- Nice people are those who like people. People will notice if you like them or not. If you want to make someone like you, focus on what you like about that person. If you really don't like it… maybe it doesn't matter that she likes you.
- Be open. If you seem sad or angry, people will feel it somehow and won't want to talk to you. Even if you are sad or angry, think of all the reasons why you should be happy in a given situation among people, and try to put aside negative emotions for a more private time with close friends and family.
- Dress appropriately. Don't hide behind your clothes or hair. Wear clothes that fit you well and, if possible, add a pop of color to your wardrobe. Thinking about how you look from the outside will help you feel better inside.
Warnings
- Don't explicitly try to convince others that you have to like them. Making a list of your positive qualities will make you seem arrogant. Give others time to see for themselves that you are a beautiful person.
- Don't be fake. People will notice your different ways of behaving and will understand that you are acting. You have to believe in what you are doing, otherwise it will have undesirable effects on you. First impressions are important, however, and you may turn out to be a "fake" person if you show that you care about a new person just entering your life, when you really don't think so. A good rule of thumb is: treat others as you would like them to treat you.
- Even if you realize there are things you should change, don't forget to be proud of yourself. The core of your personality is great, and there are little things anyone could improve.
- Remember that it is neither possible nor desirable to please everyone! There are always people who will make you nervous or who will make you nervous, rightly or wrongly. Recognize when it's time to let it go and be respectful and mature in conflicts. Don't blame yourself on these occasions, and stay confident.
- Don't seek social climbing or make it clear that you are desperate for friendship. Others will notice and it will be a big disappointment.
