Many of us know someone who needs help but who is too proud to accept it. Pride can take many forms. Some people pride themselves on their independence, while others pride themselves on their looks. Pride, however, can interfere with the ability to accept help from others. By talking tactfully to a person, using gentleness to offer financial help, or supporting them in other ways, you may be able to get them to accept your support. Remember, though, that you won't be able to convince everyone, so it's important to know when to let one person manage on their own.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Talk to the Person
Step 1. Listen
If you want to help a proud person, you must first listen carefully. Hear what she has to say and let her know that you understand her. You can say "I understand and I want to help you". In some cases, when you notice that a proud person has a problem, by listening to the little clues that suggest there is some discomfort, you can better understand the situation.
- Give your full attention, put the phone away and turn off the television.
- Nod and look the person in the eye as they speak to you to let them know that you are paying attention. You can also try repeating a short sentence he just said to show that you understand.
- Ask questions for clarification. For example, if any of the sentences left you unsure, you can say: "I'm not sure I understand. Can you explain yourself better?".
Step 2. Approach the problem tactfully
After you have listened to the proud person and figured out what they need, you can try to get them to deepen the subject. However, it's important that you don't force her to tell you too much. If you did, you could force it to close. You may even make her angry and lead her to stop listening to your advice. You would take her even further away from the help she needs.
Try saying, "I feel like you're having a hard time. Would you like to talk about it?"
Step 3. Be careful not to put pressure on the person
Pressuring a person in distress can cause them to withdraw even more in themselves. As you speak, make sure you don't tell her what she "must" or "should" do. Instead, try to make it come to a solution on its own.
For example, instead of saying "You should apply for unemployment insurance to feed your family," you could try, "Have you ever thought about applying for unemployment insurance to pay for your family's food bills?"
Step 4. Don't put your interests ahead of those of the person in need
You may want the person to change in a way that works for you, but that may not be the best solution for them. If the person gets the impression that you are trying to change them according to your personal vision, they will stop listening to you.
For example, if you think a friend should look for a better job because he doesn't get a chance to get promoted, you might wonder why he appreciates his work. Maybe he enjoys the free time he can devote to his hobbies
Step 5. Ask the person how he wants to handle the situation
This will allow her to maintain her dignity. You will also give her a chance to consider all options. To encourage her to do this, try asking questions instead of telling her what she should do or think.
For example, instead of saying "I think you're wrong" or "You can't do this", try "What if I did this instead?" or "Have you ever thought about trying this solution?"
Part 2 of 4: Offering Financial Support
Step 1. Talk to the person
The first step in helping a proud person who has financial problems is to ask him what the state of the situation is and what he is doing to remedy it. You can suggest strategies you have used in similar situations before offering any money.
For example, you might say, "I've also had trouble paying bills in the past, and what helped me the most was getting help buying food and paying for heating. Do you know you can get help?"
Step 2. If you can, offer money openly
If the person really needs money, they may be too proud to ask you. However, if you offer your help tactfully, they may accept it. When you offer money, if you feel it is appropriate, you can let the other person know that you don't want to be paid back. For some it will be a relief, while others will feel like you have pity on them.
- For example, you might say, "You've helped me in the past when I've had problems, will you allow me to return the favor?"
- If the person wants to pay you back and you don't care, you can say "Don't worry about that for now."
Step 3. Offer a loan
If the person you want to help is too proud to accept money as a gift, you can offer them a loan. This strategy has its downsides, because it can place an additional burden on the person's already troubled finances. Do your best to alleviate their concerns by negotiating very favorable terms, but which still provide for the return of the amount lent. Even then it can be very difficult to convince her, so don't push too hard.
For example, you might say, "This is a loan, but you don't have to worry about repaying it right away. Focus on your situation for now."
Step 4. Suggest that you pay off your loan to a charity or a third party
This is a particularly effective tactic for people who are reluctant to even take out a loan, because it forces them to pay you back in some way, but relieves the burden of having to pay the money back right away. They will be able to pay off the debt when they are in better financial condition.
For example, you can say, "You don't have to pay me my money back, just promise me you'll help someone else who needs it when you get the chance."
Step 5. Give the person money anonymously
That way you can save her embarrassment and shame, especially if she's too proud to ask for your help. You can also avoid difficult situations between you due to the loan or the donation of a sum of money.
You can leave a check made out to the person in need in their letter box. If you are part of a religious organization, you can ask a manager if they can get the money to the person anonymously
Step 6. Offer to help in another way
You can help the person in need by taking care of activities that they would have to pay for, such as babysitting, mowing their lawn, or being their personal assistant. This is a great choice if she has helped you in the same way in the past. She will not feel like she is receiving charity, but she will feel relieved.
Say "Hey Laura! I wanted to pay you back for keeping my kids last week. Can I keep your little ones when you need a babysitter?"
Step 7. Hire the person
If the person with financial problems is unemployed or earning too little, you can offer them employment. Make sure you give her a fair salary compared to other employees. Don't pay for it more or less.
For example, if the proud person has a construction company, you could hire them to do some minor repairs in your home. If she is a teacher, you can ask her to teach your children lessons
Part 3 of 4: Helping a Proud Person with Other Problems
Step 1. Talk about your concerns with the proud person
If you notice a friend isolating himself or acting very differently than he normally did, ask him how he is doing. Let him know he can talk to you. You will give him a chance to express his feelings. He may feel lonely, as well as being too proud to ask for someone's help. He may feel that he has to figure out for himself how to resolve the situation; you make him understand that it is not so.
It is important that you ask the question in a way that does not sound like a simple statement of circumstance. Try saying, "What's the matter with you" or "I've noticed you've been having problems lately. How can I help you?"
Step 2. Share your experiences if you have experienced a similar situation
This is a great way to let the person in need understand that they are not alone. If she seems anxious or depressed, talk about a time when you felt that way too. If this has never happened to you, try to find an experience that is at least similar. Don't make up a story. If necessary, suggest the name of a friend who can help her more than you can.
Try saying, "I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I've had a similar experience."
Step 3. Show your support
By letting a proud person know that you are on their side, you can give them great relief. By giving her your support in other ways (cleaning, keeping her children, etc.) you can lighten her burden and encourage her to find the help she needs. You can say "I'm here for you" or "I'll call you back tomorrow to find out how it goes and if I can do something for you …".
For example, you could offer to cook a dinner by saying "I'm thinking of trying a new recipe on Saturday night, would you like to come over to my house for dinner?"
Step 4. Consider convincing someone that the person in need has a high regard for talking to you
Many have at least one other person as a point of reference, be it a mentor, a professor, a boss or a charismatic relative. Your friend may be more willing to listen to someone they value. Find a figure that fits this description and ask her to approach him and persuade him to accept help from others. He may be able to push him to seek your help or someone else's.
Part 4 of 4: Let them make their own choice
Step 1. Know your limits and learn to accept them
In some cases we are unable to help someone, or at least we cannot do it in the necessary way. If you are being rejected aggressively or if the person in distress requires too much time or effort on your part, it may be time to step back. Even if he accepts your help, a friend cannot work miracles. In some cases, therapies and drugs are needed, solutions that are out of reach of a friend.
- Remember that you can say no if you feel like someone is taking advantage of your kindness.
- If you are concerned about the health of a friend or relative, you may want to talk to someone who can help, such as a teacher or psychologist.
Step 2. Protect your personal space
This means that you shouldn't be too pushy with your help or allow the person in need to ask too much of you. This is especially important if the person is proud, because helping them too much may give them the impression that you pity them or feel sorry for them. When you get the chance, ask how you can be helpful and not do more than is required.
For example, if the person has assured you that everything is fine, you shouldn't keep pressuring them into accepting your help. You could just say "I'm always available if you need me. You just have to let me know."
Step 3. Respect their choices
As much as you want to help, it is important to give the person in need the opportunity to decide for themselves. Ultimately, it is her life and she has to decide whether to accept help when she needs it or whether to refuse it. Rejection might make you feel bad, but being a friend also means knowing how to step back and let loved ones go their own way.
Advice
- Listen. In some cases, pride is the result of the feeling that people don't listen to us, so we close ourselves off when we feel misunderstood. Give your friend a chance to open up by actively listening to what they say.
- Be humble and compliment him so that he can overcome the barrier of his pride.
Warnings
- If you make your friend angry, you may lose him. If you're not sure if your offer of help is being interpreted correctly, it's best to let him solve his problems on his own.
- If your friend's inability to handle the situation has a negative impact on the people he or she needs to care for, be prepared to offer your help more decisively. It's not fair for people to suffer from someone else's pride.
