Knowing how to relate to others means being able to extend your own yardstick by making an effort to understand people better and listen without preconceptions. Take every opportunity to talk to people from different backgrounds, follow the advice contained in this guide to multiply the opportunities for comparison possible. Being able to relate to others effectively will make you a happier and more fulfilled person.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Relate to a Friend or Partner
Step 1. Spend more time with that person
If you have trouble relating to someone, following these tips will help you overcome them, while also learning to understand their point of view. First, try to spend time alone with that person giving them all your attention: this is a very important step especially if they are introverted or shy, and if they don't like to discuss their private life in front of other members. of the group.
Step 2. Learn to listen actively
Get the person to have a chance to talk to you about their problems, their emotions, or anything that is upsetting their life. Try to pay attention to his words, avoiding possible distractions. If you can do this, you can say that you know how to listen actively, the experience requires some practice. Turn off your phone, look the person in the eye and occasionally nod or show that you are following the conversation. Learn to focus on the words being said to you and think of good answers.
Your friend may not immediately feel comfortable talking about personal things with you; Give him time and try to have conversations with him whenever you can, always proving to be a good listener
Step 3. Ask questions relevant to the speech
Make connections to show that you are actively listening and are getting the points of the conversation. A question is an effective way to involve the other person and clarify your doubts. Try these examples, obviously changing the words depending on the context:
- "When you told me that you are stressed by work, is it because there are too many things to do, or have there been problems?".
- "If I understand correctly, are you worried about disappointing your parents because you have decided to move out of town?".
Step 4. Pay attention to body language
As you listen, pay attention to the expressions on your interlocutor's face, his gestures and movements. If he has his arms crossed, moves away from you or moves nervously, for example always touching his hair, it means that he is not comfortable. At that point, try starting a lighter, more relaxing conversation.
Learn to decipher body language
Step 5. Stop and think about his point of view
Avoid responding rashly by saying the first thing that comes into your head. Instead, take a few moments to put yourself in his shoes and try to understand his emotions. Even if you believe the person is wrong, try hard not to show it and show that you understand their point of view. Are you capable of doing this, or at least resisting the temptation to have your say right away?
For example, if your friend accuses you of not inviting him to a party, even though you did, but for some reason your message didn't reach him, rather than jump on the defensive, or get offended, try to put yourself in his shoes., and think about how you would like to be treated if you were in his situation. Let your friend know that nothing has changed between you and immediately invite him to another event that will take place. This method will be more effective than arguing and trying to win
Step 6. Don't underline all points where you disagree
Knowing how to relate does not mean winning a duel, nor does it mean always being able to say your opinion. Be honest but avoid always showing your disappointment and reacting negatively. Respect the other person by leaving them free to have a different opinion.
Generally, disagreements that could generate problems or tensions between you over time should be discussed openly. If, on the other hand, it is about details that can never ruin your bond then it is better to leave it alone; for example, when it comes to differences in politics, you can be friends while thinking differently, as long as you respect each other
Step 7. Focus only on the relevant issues
Think about any differences or conflicts between you critically before coming to a solution. Consider if the problem is likely to affect your relationship or if it is just a superficial thing that you can easily overlook. Sometimes it is necessary to leave the other person free to make their own choices, even if you have a different opinion; the same solution may not necessarily be right for everyone.
- In some cases it may be preferable to deal with situations individually, without the presence of the other person. For example, if you want to watch a television program that someone might find offensive, it is better to allow yourself some privacy and let the person engage in other activities or meet other friends.
- Often even apparently very big problems can be solved with a compromise and a good dose of mutual respect. For example, if you belong to two different religions you can participate in some rituals, for example particular holidays during the year, without having to take part in every ceremony or follow them assiduously.
Step 8. Forgive the other person's actions, if necessary
Forgiveness is a simple gesture to make, it is easier to do it than to say it. If, on the other hand, there is bad blood between you, it is advisable to let the situation calm down a bit before intervening. It is not always necessary to understand the motivations of the other, but if you want to reconnect, it is better to put aside your resentment.
However, if the person has not yet accepted that he was wrong, when you show yourself willing to forgive he may get even more angry with you. If you think this is your case, avoid communicating it directly in words
Step 9. Express your gratitude
Strengthen your bond by recognizing and appreciating everything that person does for you. Thank you for a compliment, for the help you are offered and for a kind gesture. These positive emotions will be able to solidify the connection between you, you will learn more about the person in front of you and you will try not to rush to conclusion the next time you have negative feelings about them.
Method 2 of 2: General Relating to People
Step 1. Pay attention to how you judge
It is quite common to immediately formulate a judgment when listening to or seeing a person: this is a normal reaction and doing so does not mean being bad or having to assume the wrong behaviors. Noticing this process is already a first step to overcome it and avoid being biased towards others. First, learn to recognize each time you start judging someone.
- Do you avoid certain topics in the presence of some friends because you think they would not be interested?
- Do you feel uncomfortable or anxious if you sit next to a stranger in public transport, without that person having done anything to deserve that prejudice?
- Are there people you don't like just because of some superficial elements, for example a tattoo or their individual choice?
Step 2. Don't criticize superficial people
Those who have problems relating to others often judge people as superficial, immature or even stupid. Hasty labeling prevents someone from being able to get to know them better and discover their strengths.
- People who like to have fun can often be irritating in the eyes of those who don't share the same idea. Even a person who loves the worldly life, and who presents himself as very exuberant in public, does not necessarily behave in the same way in private.
- Choices related to clothing, makeup and activities to be performed should never influence the idea you have of someone. Don't limit yourself to stereotypes.
- Be open-minded and don't judge the lifestyle of others. Some activities you don't share may be very enjoyable and rewarding for some people, or bring benefits you don't know about. Don't judge on the basis of preconceptions.
Step 3. Put yourself in the shoes of those who have a different accent or way of expressing themselves
It's easy to label someone just because of their accent, how they say it, or because of a few statements that annoy you. Before answering, imagine yourself in his place and try to figure out if you would like to be judged. If you have to say something, say it kindly and politely. Why hurt someone's sensitivity when it can be avoided?
Step 4. Learn techniques for starting new conversations
If you want to meet more people, you need to be conversational and know how to get started. By talking you can find out many things about the person in front of you. Here are some ways to do it:
- Start with a simple question. If you want to smoke a cigarette, ask someone for a lighter. Ask a person you don't yet know if they are from the same city as you or have recently moved.
- If something funny or alarming happens, make a comment, or meet someone's gaze.
- Always carry topics with you to start a conversation, for example your dog or an accessory that can capture interest.
Step 5. Read more books, especially novels
Studies have shown that those who often read novels are able to relate more effectively than others. This is probably due to the exercise and understanding of the characters that is grafted on to reading; through the pages of a book you slowly learn to know some profiles, and you can learn to understand the motivations and personalities of the people you meet in everyday life.
Obviously, if you are not emotionally involved with the story you do not feel the expectation and the gradual knowledge of the characters grow. Reading should be a pleasure and not a stretch. If a book doesn't interest you, find another one that suits you best
Step 6. Watch movies and TV shows by muting the audio
Practice reading the body language and facial expressions of the protagonists. Remove the volume and don't add subtitles, at the same time try to understand what is happening and what is the story being told. If you have difficulty, do the same exercise next to a friend who is very good at reading body language and ask him to share his interpretations with you. Once you have gained more experience, practice on your own.
