Establishing a friendship relationship with a person with autism involves a number of difficulties, because the autism spectrum (including Asperger's Syndrome and Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) is characterized by varying degrees of communication and communication deficits. social interaction. However, there are many systems to promote the social integration of an autistic person.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: The Autism Spectrum
Step 1. To relate to an autistic person you need to know their emotional and relationship development problems
He may not be able to interpret non-verbal signals, or interpret them but not fully grasp the emotional state of his interlocutor. In addition to this lack of social or emotional reciprocity, there is also the presence of sensory deficits and the absence of any interest in the surrounding world. However, despite the difficulties, the autistic person could derive many benefits from the relationship of friendship with you. To learn more about the problems of the autism spectrum, read the article How to Recognize the Signs of Autism.
Step 2. Don't forget that poor social relationships or some bizarre attitudes are inevitable consequences of a deficit
You may notice a tendency to say or do things that are inappropriate in context, such as making offensive comments, getting too close to others, or breaking rules, such as skipping the line.
It's okay to explain basic social rules or let them know you're disappointed with a particular behavior. For example, you might point out: “This is not the end of the queue, you should wait your turn. The queue ends there”. Autistic people often have a strong sense of justice, so explaining to them that a certain social rule falls within their moral values could help them
Step 3. Learn to recognize unusual behaviors of autistic individuals
For example they could:
- Having a tendency to mechanically repeat phrases spoken by other people (echolalia).
- Using repetitive and stereotyped language, with a tendency to ask the same questions or to talk about the same topic, neglecting the lack of interest on the part of one's interlocutor.
- Intervene frequently with statements that are irrelevant to the ongoing discussion.
- Don't respond to your name or the sound of a familiar voice.
Step 4. Understand his need to stick to specific habits and rituals
For many autistic people, adhering to a daily routine is an important aspect of their life. You can better relate to an autistic person by remembering that, for them, it is essential that all activities are carried out in a precise order, so you could help them to follow the schedule of the day.
- If you regularly date someone with autism, remember that the slightest change in your daily routine can become a source of frustration, discomfort, and stress.
- Try not to overlook his point of view when interacting with an autistic. Remember that, although you are indifferent to any change in plans, the autistic subject must know in advance the events that will take place during the course of the day and, above all, must be warned of any program changes.
Step 5. Learn to recognize his strengths, weaknesses and unusual behaviors
Each autistic subject is so different from the other that it is unique, both in the personal manifestation of the disorder and in the unpredictability of its reactions.
- The difficulty in understanding the different nuances of the tone of voice and in interpreting body language is a common symptom of autism, therefore it is important to provide the autistic subject with further explanations, which allow him to accurately recognize apparently abstract information.
- Autistic subjects usually have a marked impairment in the use of various non-verbal behaviors, such as lack of eye contact and the presence of repetitive motor gestures (self-stimulation). You must learn to recognize the "normal" behaviors that characterize your autistic friend.
- Often autistic subjects do not tolerate an excessive sensory load, that is environmental stimuli (visual, auditory, tactile) that their brain cannot manage adequately. For example, they may be upset by loud noises or unexpected contact.
Step 6. Break free from the myths about autism spectrum disorder
False stereotypes are fueled (unintentionally) above all by the film Rain Man, in which the protagonist has a very high IQ and supernatural powers (such as the ability to almost instantly count the toothpicks that have fallen on the floor).
In reality, many autistic subjects do not possess excellent skills, just as some savants may or may not be autistic
Part 2 of 2: How to behave in the presence of an autistic subject
Step 1. You should take an approach that focuses on both the person and their deficit
Focusing on his deficit could lead you to present him to others as "the autistic friend", to label him as a deranged or to treat him as a child, while not accepting his disorder and not satisfying his needs would be completely useless. He tries to find a balance, addressing his diversity as a natural and altogether marginal aspect of his person.
- Do not reveal to others that he is autistic, unless you give permission to do so.
- If you have a personal need, try to please it without making drama. He will be surprised by your courtesy and will probably appreciate your patience.
Step 2. Make your feelings and desires clear
Autistic subjects have difficulty in interpreting their gestures and facial expressions. It is therefore preferable to be direct, to avoid misunderstandings on both sides and to give the autistic subject the opportunity to remedy and learn how to behave. For example, you could tell him:
- “I feel really down because I've had a bad day at work. I need to be quiet for a while. We can talk about it later”.
- “Asking Paolo out was not easy and I was surprised that he accepted. I can't wait for Friday to arrive. Can you help me choose what to wear?”.
Step 3. Try to accept all his weird and bizarre behaviors, without trying to change them
Autistic subjects tend to move, talk and interact in a way that is a little "out of line". This most likely applies to your friend as well, so remember that if you want to relate to him, you have to accept him for who he is.
- If he sometimes oversteps the boundaries (for example, he annoys you by touching your hair), you should tell him what you think.
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If he wants to avoid looking autistic, you should point out, albeit gently, all his quirks.
Use the same approach that you would use when explaining to a novice driver how to drive on the main roads, so express yourself clearly and without being condescending
Step 4. Try to introduce him to your other friends
If he wants to make new friends, he may be attracted to group meetings. Regardless of how obvious or subtle his autistic traits are, you may be surprised by other people's friendly behavior!
Step 5. Ask your friend to tell you about himself
Find out how to relate to him by directly addressing his problem. He will likely be willing to share useful information that will help you connect with him.
Choose a quiet place where you can be alone, without attracting too much attention. Try to express yourself clearly so that he does not misunderstand your intentions or think that he is mocking him
Step 6. Avoid stressing him when he 'self-stimulates'
Self-stimulatory behaviors are stereotyped, repetitive behaviors that produce a relaxing effect in autistic individuals. Therefore, if you can handle them, you should let them go. If you feel dry, inhale and exhale slowly. Self-stimulation could include attitudes such as:
- Swinging;
- Head banging;
- Scream;
- Touching yourself repeatedly, your hair for example.
Advice
- Send him an e-mail or text message often. Some autistic individuals prefer this kind of communication to face-to-face communication.
- Your autistic friend may take a long time to "get out of the shell" or not get out at all. Give him the time he needs.
- Leave the labels aside; although it is common in the medical and educational fields to use the definition "person with autism", many of those who are part of the autistic community prefer the definition "autistic person", which emphasizes the personal identity of the subject. If in doubt, ask the person concerned what they prefer, or better yet, avoid labeling it.
- Understanding the issues of someone with Asperger's might help you connect with them, but avoid pointing out their diversity repeatedly or in public. He is aware of being different and will not bear to be treated differently or to be the center of attention.
- Remember that every autistic person is different. There are no general rules for approaching an autistic person, so you can only learn how to relate to your friend by getting to know him better.
- Treat autistic people with the same kindness and respect with which you treat others.
Warnings
- Never consider your friend a burden and don't say he has mental problems. Many autistic people have grown up with this belief, so if you repeat it to them too, you could severely compromise their self-esteem.
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Never make fun of autistic people, even jokingly. Many of them have had negative experiences about it and may misunderstand your intentions.
Autistics have a "literal" way of understanding speech
