When you are faced with a stressful situation, it can be difficult to stay calm. The next time you seem to be on the verge of collapsing and screaming, give yourself a few moments to distance yourself from the situation and distract yourself with something else before returning to the problem.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Part One: Detaching
Step 1. Resist the urge to take things too personally
In many stressful situations you may be led to think that you are a victim of persecution, which is not true. Personal offenses are harder to bear than objective difficulties, so making the drama as impersonal as possible will help you stay calm.
- Rest assured that everyone has their own ideas and that sooner or later they will clash with yours. Different ideas are not necessarily an offense to you, although decisions that do not depend on your control are based on ideas that differ from yours.
- Even if a person intends to offend you, it will prove to your advantage if you are able to consider the insult from an impersonal point of view. Remember that the person with the problem is the one who attacks you. You do not have control over the actions and beliefs of others, but you do have control over your own, and you must not allow yourself to be manipulated.
Step 2. Analyze your emotional breakdowns
Think about the times you have reacted with an emotional breakdown in the past. Ask yourself if these overreactions have truly improved a negative situation.
- Think about the most common causes of outbursts. For example, remember a hateful comment you received online or from a guy who crossed your path.
- Consider the consequences of your outbursts. Think of the rule, not the exception. Once or twice getting angry may have had a positive effect, but as a general rule, reacting with a fit of anger only complicates things.
Step 3. Avoid the guesswork
When a person gets upset it is easier to assume that those involved in the problem are behaving in the worst way, even before they have confirmation. Often, however, the behaviors and motives you imagine do not correspond to reality, so you will get irritated for no real reason.
- Similarly, when something goes wrong, it is easy to assume that things will continue to go wrong. Making this conjecture can determine the fulfillment of the same prophecy. You could create further problems simply by anticipating them.
- For example, if you broke up with your girlfriend, you might think that all mutual friends will turn against you after hearing your ex's version. Your fear could make you pull away from those friends, and unintentionally trigger the very thing you feared.
Step 4. Identify the real source of your frustration
Ask yourself what really upsets you. A certain situation may be the trigger, but not the real problem. Only by identifying the real problem can you hope to solve things.
For example, the triggering cause of your stress could be a task that was assigned to you at the last minute by your boss. However, the task itself may not be the source of your tension. Perhaps you feel frustrated because the task takes away from you time you wish you had spent with your loved one, or because the boss is always making absurd requests
Step 5. Let it out the right way
Keeping the stress and frustration inside you will increase your anxiety, preventing you from staying calm. Find a way to let off steam that doesn't make the problem worse than it really is.
- A good way to let off steam is to call a trusted friend, relative, or colleague and yell at him.
- Another option is to write down your complaints in a diary or in an unsent e-mail. If you choose this option, however, it is best to discard it after writing it to avoid it falling into the wrong hands.
Method 2 of 3: Part Two: Distract yourself
Step 1. Take a deep breath
Breath deeply. In fact, if you have time, give yourself 5 to 10 minutes to focus on your breathing. This can help you calm down physically, mentally, and emotionally.
When you panic, your breath automatically becomes shallower and shorter. By slowing down your breathing and taking deeper breaths, you can relieve the state of anxiety
Step 2. Improve your physical state
Physical stress builds up on tension related to situations, causing you to overreact. Free your mind from situational stress and focus on physical stress for a few minutes.
- If you only have a few minutes, ease your physical ailments by standing up, stretching your muscles slowly, and taking a walk around your desk or room.
- If you have more time, go for a walk outside, a bike ride, or take a relaxing bath. Stretch muscles that are stiff from lack of activity and relax those that are sore from excess physical activity.
Step 3. Give yourself a break
Sometimes, the best thing to do in a busy situation is to walk away from it. Spend some time doing something you like to distract your mind from a problem you are facing. By doing so, you will lift your general mood and approach the problem more serenely.
- Even a short break is better than nothing. If you can only afford to walk for five minutes, then walk for five minutes. If you can give yourself more time, then do it.
- One solution is to completely unplug. Get away from your PC, put your phone on silent mode, and go somewhere to do something that has nothing to do with the digital world. Technology is great, but it engages you so much that it's hard to walk away from it if you don't put it aside for a moment.
- If you can't disconnect, another option is to spend a few minutes on a site that makes you happy.
Step 4. Work on something productive
Spending too much time on unproductive activities can increase stress. If you feel you haven't regained your composure after taking a short break, spend a longer period of time working on something that has no bearing on your stress, but is still productive.
This method works especially if you are dedicated to something you've always wanted to do but kept putting off. Clean up your files. Tidy up your room or office. Finish the book you started but never finished
Step 5. Take an attitude of appreciation
It might sound cheesy, but thinking about the things you can be grateful for will lift your mood. The key is to focus your attention on the true sources of gratitude, you don't have to feel guilty about the lack of gratitude you feel when faced with other difficulties.
- You may further stress yourself if you criticize yourself for not being grateful, why you shouldn't be unhappy, or simply because others are worse off than you.
- Instead of telling yourself that you should feel grateful, just be grateful. Identify the aspects of your life that you should be happy about - people, animals, a home, and ponder those sources of happiness for a few minutes.
Method 3 of 3: Part Three: Back to the Problem
Step 1. Look for a purpose
All things have a purpose in life. When you return to the source of your stress, think about what purpose it has in your life. If that purpose is important, find a solution; if it isn't, drop the problem completely.
- Also consider the overall purpose of the situation associated with your source of distress.
- For example, the cause of your stress could be something done by a colleague, and the situation could be a particular project you need to work on together. If pursuing the matter with your colleague won't help you achieve your project goals, leave the problem behind. If, on the other hand, the cause of the conflict is insurmountable and needs to be addressed, you need to find a way to do it constructively.
Step 2. Consider the alternatives
Instead of thinking about all the negative consequences resulting from the occurrence of events, think about all the positive consequences. Look at present difficulties as opportunities.
- For example, if you have just lost your job, you will probably be filled with fear. This could be the right occasion to think about the problems associated with your old job and consider the fact that you will no longer have to face them.
- If you've lost your job, it's also time to start thinking about what to do now that you are no longer limited by your old occupation.
Step 3. Reflect on the future
More specifically, think about how you will view this hiccup in the future. Typically, things that undermine a person's peace of mind are usually short-lived. When viewed in this light, it may be easier for you to waste less energy worrying about your problem.
If imagining yourself in the next 5 or 10 years seems difficult, imagine yourself in the previous 5 or 10 years. Consider the causes of your stress in the past. Usually, you will find that what seemed insurmountable to you seems irrelevant to you today
Step 4. Evaluate the situation objectively
Ask yourself how an uninvolved person would view the problem or how you would view the problem if it did not concern you personally. Be honest, and use your conclusions to control your reactions.
Also ask yourself how someone you respect would handle the same situation. By thinking about how another person would react, you can temper your reactions and behave like the person you want to be
Step 5. Go ahead
Once you've managed to calm down and unravel your emotions, the next step is to move on. This could mean you need to fix the problem, or leave it out entirely.
- When you take action, focus on the things you have control over: your program, your actions and your interactions. Don't fixate on the things you can only hope for.
- Look for practical solutions. Ask for a short-term deadline to be postponed. Get help if you are having addiction problems or if you are in a difficult relationship.
