Take a long, deep breath. Stop whatever you are doing and find a quiet place to gather your mental energies. Step away if the situation is stressful. Focus on the slow, steady rhythm of your breath. If you can't calm down, look for a distraction: listen to your favorite song, take a hot bath, or go for a run. Above all, remember that this moment will pass and calm will gradually return.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Using the Right Techniques to Regain Calm in the Immediate
Step 1. Stop whatever you are doing
One of the best ways to calm down is to stop interacting with the cause of the problem. In other words, you should let your interlocutor know that you intend to take a short break. If you are in company, apologize politely and walk away for a moment. Go to a quiet place, away from everything that troubles you, and think of something less stressful.
Step 2. Focus on your physical perceptions
When we are anxious, upset or angry, our physiological reaction is "fight or flight". The sympathetic nervous system puts the body on alert by stimulating the secretion of certain hormones, such as adrenaline, which lead to an increase in heart and respiratory rates, muscles contract and blood vessels constrict. Therefore, temporarily step away from the factors that seem to trigger an acute stress response and focus on your physical sensations. In this way, you will be able to maintain control and contain the so-called "automatic reactivity".
- "Automatic reactivity" is formed when the brain gets used to reacting to certain stimuli, for example stress factors, activating the same mechanisms each time. According to some studies, it is possible to help him create new "habits" by breaking the vicious circle and, to do so, it is necessary to consider one's perceptions for what they actually are.
- Don't judge your feelings, just acknowledge them. For example, if you are furious about something that has just been reported to you, you may feel that your heart starts beating wildly and you feel hot flashes in your face. Learn to take note of these physical reactions without considering them either right or wrong.
Step 3. Breathe
When stress affects the sympathetic nervous system, one of the first things to do is breathe calmly and regularly. Deep, rhythmic breathing also offers a number of benefits: it restores normal oxygen levels, regulates brain wave activity and lowers lactic acid levels in the blood. Therefore, it helps you stay calm and relaxed.
- Breathe with the diaphragm, not with the upper chest. If you place your hand on your stomach just below your ribs, you should be able to feel your abdomen rise when you inhale and fall when you exhale.
- Keep your shoulders straight when sitting and standing or lie on your back to widen your chest. It is more difficult to breathe with a hunched back. Breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of 10. You should feel your lungs and abdomen expand as they fill with air. Then, slowly exhale through your nose or mouth. Try to repeat the exercise 6-10 times a minute for a cleansing effect on the whole body.
- Focus on the rhythm of your breathing. Don't be distracted by anything, not even by the situation that upset you. To help you, you can count your breaths or repeat a calming word or phrase.
- As you breathe in, imagine a beautiful golden light that represents love and tolerance. Feel its soothing warmth radiate from the lungs to the heart and subsequently to all other organs. As you exhale slowly, think that the stress is leaving the body. Repeat the exercise 3-4 times.
Step 4. Relax your muscles
In the case of an acute stress reaction, the muscles tend to stiffen and contract. You may feel physically ill. Progressive muscle relaxation allows you to consciously release physical tension by stretching and relaxing particular muscle groups. With a little practice, it will help you get rid of anxiety and stress quickly.
- There are many free tutorials on the Internet, but also applications for practicing progressive muscle relaxation.
- Find a quiet, comfortable place. It should be dimly lit.
- Lie down or sit comfortably. Loosen or remove tighter clothing.
- Focus on each muscle group. You can start at the toes and work up or start at the forehead and go down.
- Contract each muscle in each group as much as possible. For example, if you start from the head, raise your eyebrows as high as you can and open your eyes wide. Keep them open for 5 seconds, then relax. Then squeeze them and leave them closed for 5 seconds, then relax.
- Move on to the next muscle group. For example, press your lips together for 5 seconds, then straighten them. Then, smile as much as you can for 5 seconds, then relax.
- Go on repeating the same exercise with the muscles of the neck, shoulders, arms, chest, abdomen, buttocks, thighs, legs, feet and fingers.
Step 5. Distract yourself
If you have the chance, take your mind off what is bothering you, otherwise you may start brooding and get wrapped up in recurring thoughts. This attitude favors the onset of symptoms of anxiety and depression. Distracting yourself isn't a long-term solution, but it can be a great way to take a break and calm down. Once you have clarified your ideas, you can address the problem again.
- Chat with a friend. Talking to someone you are emotionally attached to will take your mind off the anguish and help you feel relaxed and loved. According to some studies, guinea pigs that are able to socialize with each other are less prone to stress ulcer risk than those who have no company.
- Watch a funny movie or comedy show. Goofy comedy can help you calm down and distance yourself from what's troubling you. However, avoid bitter or sarcastic humor as it may further annoy you.
- Listen to some relaxing music. Find some songs with around 70 beats per minute (classical and "new age" music, like Enya, are great choices). More aggressive or upbeat genres can increase agitation.
- See comforting pictures. Humans are biologically sensitive to images of small, defenseless beings with large eyes, such as puppies and babies. Therefore, photos of kittens can actually stimulate a chemical reaction that gives a moment of "happiness".
- Be agitated like a wet dog would. By shaking your whole body, you will feel better because the brain will have new sensations to process.
Step 6. Use relaxation techniques
They allow you to relieve the incipient feeling of anxiety and stress. Plus, they teach you to stay calm and be kind to yourself.
- Take a hot bath or shower. Research has shown that heat has a calming effect on many people.
- Use essential oils with a relaxing effect, such as lavender and chamomile.
- Play with your furry friend. Petting a dog or cat is a relaxing gesture that can lower blood pressure.
Step 7. Touch yourself gently
When a person is subjected to physical strokes and attention, the body produces oxytocin, a powerful chemical mediator that relieves stress. In addition to receiving this stimulus through a loving hug, you can relax by touching yourself.
- Put a hand on your heart. Focus on the warmth of the skin and the heartbeat. Try to breathe slowly and regularly. Feel your chest expand as you inhale and drop as you exhale.
- Hug yourself. Cross your arms across your chest and grasp them with your hands. Give yourself a little squeeze. Note the heat and pressure of the upper limbs.
- Take your face in your hands. Caress the muscles of the jaw or around the eyes with your fingertips. Run your hands through your hair. Massage your scalp.
Method 2 of 3: Increase Calm
Step 1. Check your eating habits
The body and the mind are not separate entities. What one does directly affects the other, and also applies to nutrition.
- Reduce your caffeine intake. It is a stimulating substance. In excessive amounts, it can make you nervous and anxious.
- Eat protein-rich foods. Protein can help you feel full for longer and keep your blood sugar from spiking or dropping throughout the day. Leaner protein sources, such as white meat and fish, are great choices.
- Fiber-rich complex carbohydrates stimulate the brain to produce serotonin, a relaxing hormone. Try to introduce bread, pasta and brown rice, beans and lentils, fruits and vegetables into your diet.
- Avoid foods that are high in sugar and fat. They can increase stress and agitation.
- Limit your alcohol consumption. Alcohol is a sedative, so it may calm you down initially. However, it can also cause depressive symptoms and make you nervous. Furthermore, it is able to compromise the quality of sleep and, therefore, increase irritability.
Step 2. Train
Exercise promotes the production of endorphins, substances that have a beneficial effect on the body. You don't have to be a bodybuilder to get this effect. According to some research, even moderate exercise, such as walking and gardening, helps you feel calmer, happier, and more relaxed.
Exercises that combine meditation with gentle movements, such as tai chi and yoga, have been shown to have a positive effect on anxiety and depression. They can reduce pain and increase the feeling of well-being
Step 3. Meditate
Meditation is an oriental practice with a long and respectable history. Scientific studies have shown that it is able to promote a feeling of relaxation and well-being. It can also reprogram how the brain reacts to external stimuli. There are various types of meditation, although "mindful meditation" is the best known and most research-backed.
You don't have to leave the house to learn how to meditate. You can find guided meditations or downloadable MP3 files on the Internet
Step 4. Think about what's troubling you
Stress can build up so gradually without you noticing. In many cases, it's not an exceptional episode that makes you lose your temper, but a series of minor annoyances and difficulties that build up over time.
- Try to distinguish between primary and secondary emotions. For example, if you have a movie date with a friend but they don't show up, you might feel hurt at first - that's the main emotion. After that you may feel frustrated, disappointed or angry - these are the secondary emotions. If you can identify the source of a certain mood, you can understand why you react in a certain way.
- Often, you will feel pressured by various emotions at once. Try to order them and give each one a name. Once defined, you will be able to manage them more easily.
- Generally, people feel upset when they believe that things "must" go a certain way (usually their way). Remember that you will never be able to control every aspect of life - nor should you try.
- Don't judge your emotional reactions. Recognize them and try to understand them.
Step 5. Avoid situations that can upset you
Obviously, it is impossible to always remain calm. Unpleasant and traumatizing moments are part of life. However, if you are able to keep the more controllable stressors at bay, you will have the energy to handle even the ones you can't avoid.
- Try to turn things around in your favor. For example, if you are stuck in hallucinating traffic, consider leaving earlier or a little later when you're done or find an alternative route.
- Look at the bright side. By framing a difficult situation as a learning opportunity, you will learn to stay calm because you will feel able to exercise some control. Instead of seeing it as a simple occurrence, consider it as something to be treasured.
- If a person makes you nervous, ask yourself why. What annoys you about his attitude? Do you behave like her too? Try to understand what prompts her to act in a certain way to avoid suffering from her moods. Remember that we are all human and can have bad days.
Step 6. Express your mood
All emotions are healthy, including anger. What must be avoided is to ignore or repress them rather than accept them.
- Recognizing your state of mind doesn't mean getting depressed, feeling sorry for yourself or exploding and getting angry at everyone. Rather, admit your human nature and accept that it is natural to be affected by emotions. Express them without condemning them. What matters is how you react based on what you feel. You are responsible for this.
- Once you recognize what you are feeling, think about how you might react. For example, if your contribution to a large project has been overlooked or if your partner has cheated on you, it is perfectly normal for you to lose your temper. However, you can choose whether to explode anger or use some relaxation technique to calm down and manage your emotions.
Step 7. Surround yourself with happy people
According to some research, humans tend to get infected by the emotions of others. The anxiety of the closest people can affect us. Therefore, seek the company of quiet, relaxed individuals to stay calm.
Hang out with people who can support you. Isolation and people's judgment can increase stress
Step 8. Consult a psychotherapist
Don't wait for "problems" to worsen to see a mental health professional. It can help you process what you are feeling and teach you to manage daily anxiety and stress in a healthier way.
Many facilities offer psychotherapy services. Talk to the ASL psychologist or contact a clinic, health center or professional office
Method 3 of 3: Dealing with Difficult Situations
Step 1. Use the STOPP method
STOPP is an English acronym that can help you stay calm in various situations. It consists of five simple steps:
- Stop: stop immediate reactions. "Automatic thoughts" are habitual mental patterns on which we build our lives, but they are often harmful. Stop whatever you are doing and wait a moment before reacting.
- Take a breath: take a breath. Use deep breathing techniques to calm down and think more clearly.
- Observe: Watch what happens. Ask yourself what you are thinking about, what you are focusing on, based on what you are reacting to and what physical sensations you are experiencing.
- Pull back: walk away from the situation. Consider the big picture. Are your thoughts based on facts or opinions? Is there another perspective from which to look at the situation? How do your reactions affect others? How would you like others to react? How important is what's happening?
- Practice: put into practice what works best. Consider the consequences of your actions, for yourself and for others. What is the best way to handle the situation? Choose the most useful one.
Step 2. Avoid taking what's going on personally
A common cognitive distortion is "personalization". It consists of blaming ourselves for things we are not responsible for. This belief can upset us and make us angry because it is impossible to control the actions of others. However, we are in control of our reactions.
- For example, imagine a co-worker unable to control his anger scolding you. It is inappropriate behavior, difficult to accept. You have a choice: to react automatically or stop and reflect on what is really going on.
- An automatic reaction could be: "Carlo must be very angry with me. What have I done to him? I hate this situation!". While understandable, it's a reaction that doesn't help you stay calm.
- A more convenient reaction might be: "Carlo yelled at me. It was unpleasant, but I'm not the only person he yells at and loses his temper easily. Maybe he's having a hard time or he's just a temperamental person by nature. I don't think so. I did something wrong in this situation. It's not right for me to scream, but it's not my problem. " This way, you acknowledge that you are upset, but you don't get obsessed with the whole affair.
- Keep in mind that paying attention to personalization does not mean accepting the bullying of others. In the case described, you should report Carlo's behavior to your boss. However, you can learn to calm down faster if you keep in mind that you cannot control the actions of others and that they are not dependent on you.
Step 3. Change the subject when the conversation bothers you
An infallible way to get nervous is to let yourself be drawn into delicate discussions with an equally passionate interlocutor. If you believe that the comparison can be profitable, so be it. However, if it seems to consist of two antithetical monologues, change the subject by choosing a less burning theme.
- You may feel uncomfortable suggesting that you change the subject, but the chance to relieve stress and tension is worth a moment of embarrassment. Don't be afraid to take control and say, "You know, it seems to me that we agree on one point: that we disagree on this subject. Rather, did you see the football match the other night?"
- If your interlocutor continues the discussion on an issue that bothers you, apologize and walk away. Speak in the first person to avoid feeling accused: "I feel a little uncomfortable insisting on this. Go ahead, but I have to go away."
- If you can't leave the situation, mentally withdraw from the conversation. Imagine you are in a quiet place. Only use this as a last resort because others will notice that you don't listen. They could be offended or angry.
Step 4. Avoid negativities
Excessive exposure to negativity can actually affect the way you think, learn and memorize information, but also encourage the mind to think negatively. While it's common for people to complain at school or work, avoid putting too much weight on it, or your mood could be more spoiled than you think.
- The situation could worsen especially if you take on the anguish of others. If the disappointment of those around you becomes yours, you have a hard time finding a solution that will save you upset and frustration.
- Like emotions, disappointment and negative thoughts are also contagious. Spending half an hour listening to a person complaining can increase levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that prevents you from thinking clearly.
- Instead, try to take a more profitable approach. It is normal to feel frustrated when things go wrong. A momentary release can be helpful. However, in the long run, you may want to focus on what you can change so that you can get better results the next time a situation arises, rather than worrying about mistakes.
Advice
- Going to the bathroom is a great excuse to slip away. You can take your time without people coming looking for you.
- When something good happens, mentally frame that moment. As soon as you feel stressed, think back to a happy episode in your life. For example, you can remember when you passed an important exam or when you pick up your cat.
- If you like tea, make a nice cup of it. The tea contains L-theanine, a substance that improves mood and promotes calm. Herbal teas (like chamomile and rooibos) are free, so opt for the decaffeinated variant of black, green, white, or oolong tea. Theine is a stimulant and tends to increase excitability.
