Reflection is the art of pondering a person's strengths and weaknesses. It is also the ability to meditate on the present, on one's thoughts and feelings. It also involves analyzing what we think about others and feel about them. It can be helpful in making positive changes in life as we study and evaluate decisions made in the past. In some cases, it can cause us to distance ourselves from some people or ways of thinking and choose others. By learning to reflect on your life, your experiences and the lives of others, you will be able to grow personally and make more informed choices in order to build your future.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Learning to Think
Step 1. Find time to reflect
If you are having a hard time finding a balance between your work and private life, it will probably seem impossible to take a moment to reflect. However, you can do it anywhere and anytime. Some mental health experts recommend pausing and reflecting during the chores and commitments of daily life if you can't find longer moments. The key is to identify moments that would otherwise be wasted and dedicate them to reflection, no matter how short they are.
- Think about it in bed, both before getting up after the alarm goes off and just before falling asleep when you are in bed. It can be a precious moment that allows you to prepare for the day (in the morning) or to work through what happened during the day (in the evening).
- Reflect in the shower. This is the ideal time for reflection, as it can be one of the few opportunities where you are truly alone in the day. For many people, being in the shower is also emotionally comforting and helps them reflect on unpleasant or distressing events and memories.
- Make the most of your commute to work. If you get stuck in traffic while driving, take a few minutes to turn off the radio and reflect on anything that troubles you or makes you anxious. If you use public transport, put away the book you are reading or the headphones of the music player and think about the day you have to face or the one you have just lived.
Step 2. Rest assured
This is easier said than done, but one of the most important factors in allowing you to find time to reflect is calm and, if possible, loneliness. Relax, sit down, pay attention to your breathing and try not to be influenced by any external distractions, which can be trivial like the noise of the TV (in this case, turn it off) or louder like chaos and hustle and bustle (in this other one), try to isolate yourself). Whatever your surroundings, seek some peace of mind by being on your own, even if you can abstract yourself into your thoughts in the presence of other people.
According to some studies, moments of peace and tranquility have a positive effect on health and energy, but they can also improve personal performance
Step 3. Reflect on yourself and your experiences
During your quiet moments you may start thinking frantically about everything you need to do or you could have done differently. These considerations are not necessarily negative, as they could represent an important part of your reflection at the beginning or end of the day. However, if you are trying to reflect on your life, you probably want to manage your thoughts by asking yourself a series of questions. Try asking yourself:
- Who you are and what kind of person you are.
- What have you learned about yourself from the things you experience every day.
- If you have tried to grow by questioning your thoughts, beliefs and the principles on which your life is based.
Part 2 of 3: Reflect to Improve Life
Step 1. Reflect on your core values
Core values are the personal principles and beliefs that substantially determine every aspect of one's life. By reflecting on your core values, you will be able to better understand who you are and what you have committed yourself to until now. The easiest way to identify and evaluate them is to reflect on the following question: "What is your most important characteristic or trait that distinguishes you?". In this way you will come to discover your self-esteem problems or your personal doubts and you will understand what motivates you on a human level.
- If you're not sure what your core values are, think about how someone who knows you well (a child, parent, or partner) might describe you in a nutshell. Would he say that you are generous, selfless, honest? In this example, generosity, selflessness, and honesty could be part of your core values.
- Ask yourself if you stick to your principles in times of trouble. Following your core values means always remaining faithful to yourself and to everything you believe in.
Step 2. Analyze your goals
Some people fail to reflect when they have to set goals, but according to some studies, reflection is an important element of any preparation for achieving a goal. It is very easy to get trapped in habits and daily routines without ever finding the time to evaluate the work and all the efforts aimed at achieving what we have set for ourselves. However, many people drift away or stop following their goals without any kind of analysis or evaluation.
- Reflection is essential to achieving a goal because many people feel more motivated when they realize they are not on the right path. Rather than being weakened by such awareness, realize that you have the power to change the way you deal with failure. Instead of feeling helpless, make an effort to show that you are capable of accomplishing your goals.
- If you are having trouble meeting your goals, try reviewing them. According to some researches, the most successful objectives are those S. M. A. R. T., i.e. specific (specific), measurable, achievable, aimed at results (results-focused) and defined over time (time-bound). Just make sure that whatever plans you have in mind to carry them out include a healthy component of reflection and self-evaluation.
Step 3. Change your way of thinking
Reflection can be a valuable tool for changing mental patterns and reactions to various situations. Many people are led to act automatically when they have to face individuals, contexts and situations of various kinds on a daily basis. However, if you do not reflect and systematically evaluate your way of responding to external stimuli, you can easily fall into disadvantageous or even harmful behavior patterns. Therefore, on reflection, you have the opportunity to carefully evaluate the situation and scale it down so that you feel more positive and able to handle yourself.
- It is often very difficult to maintain optimism in the most stressful or complicated situations, but we can ultimately benefit from the many obstacles we encounter.
- Instead of getting anxious or nervous when something is out of your control - for example, if you have to undergo dental surgery - reconsider the whole situation by reflecting on the positive effects that could come from such a decision. In this scenario, the surgery turns into a temporary nuisance that will give way to a dazzling smile, the disappearance of pain and better health conditions.
Part 3 of 3: Reflecting on the Surrounding Reality
Step 1. Analyze your experiences
You will certainly have so many daily experiences that it will be difficult for you to understand their meaning in a lifetime. However, if you find the time necessary to reflect every day on the meaning of a certain event, you will have less difficulty in elaborating the whole story and the reactions you had.
- Think about how you reacted to a given situation. How do you think things unfolded? Did what you experienced match your expectations? Why or why not?
- Did you learn anything from this experience? Is there anything you can extrapolate from this situation that helps you to better understand yourself, other people or the surrounding reality?
- Does the experience you have lived affect your way of thinking or your mood? Why and to what extent?
- What did you learn from this experience on a personal level and about the way you reacted?
Step 2. Evaluate your relationships with others
Some people have a hard time wondering why they bond with certain individuals or how important certain relationships are. However, it is essential to reflect on interpersonal relationships from time to time. In fact, according to some studies, it is useful to analyze past relationships to learn how to overcome the breakup and recognize the factors that have contributed to ruining them.
- Observe the way the people in your life make you feel. You can consider the people who are currently part of your life or those you have been forced to leave for whatever reason. Write these observations in a journal or notebook so you can work them out and learn how to nurture relationships in the future.
- As you reflect on your relationships, ask yourself if the bond with a friend or partner is actually healthy. For example, you may wonder if you trust your partner, are honest with each other, understand each other, there is respect in the language and behavior of both of you, and are willing to compromise on the most controversial issues.
Step 3. Use reflection to avoid arguments
Whether you spend time with your partner, friend or family member, it is very likely that sooner or later you will come to an argument. Quarrels often arise because two or more people allow emotions to dictate the tone of the conversation. However, by taking a step back and reflecting before speaking, you can prevent the discussion from escalating or even taking place. If you feel like a fight is about to break out, stop for a moment and ask yourself the following questions:
- What are you feeling and what do you need?
- If you were to communicate how you feel and what you need, how would the other people involved react?
- What does the other person need right now? How might his needs affect his ability to understand yours?
- How can your words and behaviors turn out to be in the eyes of both and those of a stranger?
- In past quarrels, what solutions have you adopted to meet the needs of both? What have you said or done to be able to calm the differences and make sure that both of you could be happy and feel understood?
- What is the ideal or mutually acceptable solution to end the discussion and what needs to be said or done to reach such an agreement?
Advice
- Focus on the physical and emotional sensations you felt in a given situation.
- The more you reflect, the more you will be able to do it.
- If negative thoughts take over, make an effort to be more positive.
Warnings
- It can be helpful to be in a controlled environment (such as the therapist's or psychologist's office) when you think about negative and / or more disturbing memories.
- If something is hurting you, you should talk to a friend or see a therapist. Try to leave it behind and move on, pushing away the thoughts and feelings that are making you feel bad.
