Toxic people almost always absorb the energies of those around them. If you are forced to move cautiously around someone, you should step away from them and end this relationship with utmost clarity. Let him know that you are no longer interested in his company, then limit your contact. Toxic people always find ways to attract others into their life, so distance yourself from those who are poisoning yours and try to heal your wounds. It's never easy to end a relationship, so don't be too hard on yourself once it's done.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Ending the Relationship Clearly
Step 1. Recognize the nature of the relationship
First of all, to get rid of a toxic person you have to admit how your relationship is characterized. Even if it's a friend, don't shy away from considering what your bonding is based on. Be honest with yourself and accept that you have formed a harmful bond that does you no benefit. This way you will not only be able to distance yourself from him, but you will be able to set higher standards for your future relationships.
- Think of everything this friendship offers you, if it exists. It is very likely that you no longer enjoy the company of this person. Maybe she is absorbing all your energy or you are feeling exhausted after spending some time with her.
- Accept that you can't change a toxic person. Toxic people can sense when someone is pushing them away and do not give up on making them retrace their steps. Remember that such a subject is unlikely to change, even if it promises otherwise. This way you will avoid falling back on old relational patterns.
- In these cases it is normal to experience mixed feelings. Wait for them, but you are not forced to carry on a toxic friendship. For example, the fact that you value and love your friend and that he or she has wonderful qualities does not rule out the possibility that your bond is destructive. It's okay to be fond of a friend, but your life has to go on.
Step 2. Write a speech and learn it
It is not easy to break a friendship and the difficulties can increase when we have to distance ourselves from a friend who is ruining our lives. He is likely to deny his mistakes or try to avoid confrontation. Therefore, if you write a text and review it, you have the opportunity to remain calm and not lose the thread when you decide to face the situation.
- First write down all your thoughts, then review what you have written. Try to extract the most important thoughts and formulate clear sentences to explain why you want to end your relationship.
- Repeat the speech several times. You can practice in front of a mirror or just speak out loud. You won't be able to read when confronting your friend, so try to memorize the words before talking to him.
Step 3. Be as direct as possible
When you end a relationship that is ruining your life, you need to clearly express your intentions. Toxic people can be very overwhelming and controlling and they don't necessarily take "no" for an answer. So, if you are extremely clear, you will be able to cut the ties unequivocally.
- You don't have to be brutal. Even if the other person has hurt you, with aggression you risk only escalating the situation. Be direct but not offensive.
- State very firmly what you think and expect from now on. For example, you can say, "I don't think our relationship will do me any benefit. I care about you, but I can't keep this relationship going. It would be better if our paths diverged."
Step 4. Clarify your limits
Decide what to do from now on. List your personal limits and make your friend understand them too. For example, if you don't want him to contact you, tell him honestly. Do not justify yourself for the stakes you are setting. They are important if you want to establish healthier relationship dynamics.
- Express your limits as clearly as possible. For example, you can say, "I wanted to tell you that I would rather not hear from you for a while. I need time and space to recover. I would like you to avoid calling and texting me in the future."
- If you feel the need to communicate your limits to others, don't hesitate. For example, if you don't want to see this person when you go out with friends you have in common, let them know about your decision by saying, "As you know, I am trying to end my friendship with Maria. It is not a problem if you continue to attend her, but I would ask you to let me know in advance when she will be attending a group event. Since I have to distance myself from her, I prefer not to see her for a while."
Part 2 of 3: Restrict Contacts
Step 1. Make it clear to your friend that you don't want to see him again
In certain situations, toxic people have difficulty grasping the needs of others. They tend to try to take over those who are empathetic and reliable and do not hesitate to keep in touch even if the relationship has come to an end. Therefore, be very clear to your friend that you do not intend to date him anymore and that from now on he must stop looking for you.
- It is not a problem if at this point you express yourself frankly and sincerely. Just be firm, not aggressive. Try saying, "I don't want to see you again, so please don't try to contact me."
- Since you have a toxic person in front of you, they will have a hard time postponing and will try to retrace your steps. To make it clear that you do not wish to be contacted, ignore all attempts (text messages, calls and emails). You might also want to block his phone number.
Step 2. Eliminate him from your virtual friendships
If you have alienated someone from your life there is no reason to continue interacting with them on social networks. Block him, don't follow him or delete him from your virtual friends. This way you will not be forced to constantly see his updates and you will be able to better manage your emotions.
Not all users have private profiles on social networks. If your friend has a public account on Facebook or Twitter, resist the temptation to check it once you've deleted it. You only risk feeling negative emotions and feeling bad
Step 3. Give yourself some rewards that motivate you to stem this person's presence in your life
It is not easy to end a relationship, even if it is harmful. A toxic friend may also have been feeding misconceptions in your mind, such as the belief that only he understands you. You will therefore have to be determined and encourage yourself. To learn how to limit relationships with this person, give yourself some small rewards.
Set yourself goals and set rewards along the way. For example, if you ignore her messages for a week, give yourself a new dress. If you don't check their Twitter profile for a month, go for dinner at a starred restaurant
Step 4. Find some way to fill in the blank
You must not put yourself in a position to resume relationships with a person who exerts a negative influence on you. Toxic relationships can take a great deal of time and energy. You will certainly miss it and feel lonely and confused for a while. To fill this void, keep busy.
- Have a hobby that helps keep you distracted. For example, you could knit, sew, cook, or do whatever piques your interest.
- Try making new friends. By building more positive relationships, you will feel happier and more confident about the choice of pushing away a person who was poisoning your life. Join an association, volunteer or go somewhere alone, and if you get the chance, don't hesitate to interact with someone.
Part 3 of 3: Emotionally Coping with the End of a Friendship
Step 1. Accept the feelings that are most difficult to manage
When you close a friendship, chances are you won't be fully comfortable with yourself for a while. Therefore learn to recognize and feel your emotions, even the negative ones. Instead of trying to fend off the pain and sorrow, accept what you are feeling.
- Remember that relationships are complicated. No one is fine when an emotional bond is broken. Do not rush to put your feelings in order, even if they are unpleasant, otherwise you will not be able to cope with the situation.
- Keep in mind that the health of relationships rests on personal growth. Even if you feel bad right now, you are striving to make healthier choices so that you can build better relationships in the future. You will ultimately benefit from it, even if you are having a hard time.
Step 2. Surround yourself with positive people
Once you have cut ties with those who negatively affect your life, surround yourself with people who remind you of all the most beautiful and positive things that can come from a relationship. Find healthy and constructive reference points to help you cope with what you are feeling and move forward.
- Hang out with encouraging people who know how to offer their support. Arrange to see and hang out with them.
- Tell what you are going through. Talk about the friendship you just closed and you can count on additional support.
Step 3. Identify your role in toxic relationships
Very often, those who let themselves be drawn into a toxic friendship have a tendency to forge unhealthy bonds. Observe how you have related to this day with friends, partners and family. Ask yourself if you've always played a role that hurt you. If you are aware of these behavioral patterns, you can learn to break free from them.
- Even if you are not at fault when someone misbehaves you, you may be vulnerable to toxic people for a variety of reasons. Maybe you tend to be passive in relationships and have difficulty communicating your needs. Maybe when you were younger, a parent or someone close to you exploited you emotionally and you became more accommodating.
- The key to breaking certain behavioral patterns is understanding why you end up building negative relationships. If you've had a lot of toxic friendships, consult a therapist to address your problem.
Step 4. Have patience
Don't expect to get better overnight. It will take time for you to recover. Don't force yourself to get back in a good mood right away. Calmly process the pain you are experiencing. If you still feel upset despite a few months having passed since your friendship ended, that's completely normal. Remember that it will pass and that in the end you will get better.
