Is there a friend, family member or partner you have a hard time getting along with? Do you feel belittled or manipulated by him? In this case, it is possible that it is a toxic person. Know that if you decide to continue dating, it deserves special attention. There are several methods you can use to learn how to take care of yourself and manage the people you have been in toxic relationships with.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Recognizing Toxic People in Your Life
Step 1. Identify the basic clues that show if a person is toxic
The harmful presence of an individual can manifest itself in several ways. You may have a harmful friendship without even realizing it. There are several ways that toxic behavior can manifest itself:
- Create and surround yourself with interpersonal problems;
- Try to manipulate and control;
- Being demanding and demanding attention;
- Being extremely critical of yourself and others;
- Don't be willing to seek help or try to change.
- Have no respect for anyone and expect to always be right.
Step 2. Pay attention if she is constantly angry
Being angry all the time is an extreme form of detriment to the health of the relationship. If you are dealing with a quick-tempered person who gets nervous for the most insignificant reasons, you will probably feel like you always have to watch your back to keep them from taking over. Recognize the signs of anger so you can learn to respond appropriately. Here are some of them:
- Yelling at people;
- Threaten;
- Questioning in a hostile way;
- Use strong and violent language often.
Step 3. See if he discourages you with his cynical ways
Cynicism is another attitude that poisons emotional ties and tends to emerge in certain cases. The subject develops a negative view of the world that pollutes his life and struggles to be positive. It is difficult to be next to him due to the black cloud that surrounds him. A cynical person can:
- Continually complaining about his life;
- Never be satisfied with how you behave towards him;
- Failing to make a positive contribution to the relationship.
- Showing distrust of others, as well as unmotivated negativity towards others.
Step 4. Consider how you feel around him
To determine if an individual is toxic, pay attention to your state of mind when you are together. Try to understand how you feel when you are among people by asking yourself the following questions:
- Do I feel out of energy? Do I have a feeling that you drain my emotions?
- Do I walk on tiptoe to keep him from getting nervous? Am I afraid of making a mistake in speaking because it might react negatively?
- Do I ignore my needs? Does it stop me from listening to myself and following my principles?
- Do I have the feeling that it mortifies me and I feel like a useless person when I am in his company?
Step 5. Ask for an opinion
You may be too involved to know if you are dealing with a truly toxic person. Maybe it's just a person going through a tough time. Try asking a friend or someone with common sense if they think their presence is harmful. It will help you focus on the harmful figures that are a part of your life.
Our personal judgment is a great source of information, but sometimes when we get too involved in a situation, we have a hard time being objective
Part 2 of 3: Talking to Toxic People
Step 1. Express yourself effectively
Since moments of tension are inevitable in friendships and relationships, it is essential to express your emotions clearly. When you recognize and analyze how you are feeling, you have the opportunity to manage stress without problems. If you speak explicitly, others will also be able to express what they feel and everyone will be in a position to metabolize the situation.
- Start by listening to the other. Understand what your interlocutor is saying before challenging it and expressing your point of view.
- Express yourself. An easy way to avoid conflict in relationships is to outline your mood instead of blaming others. For example, you might say, "When you are late for our appointments, I feel like you don't care about the time I spend on you" instead of saying "You're always late. You're really rude."
Step 2. Explain how you expect to be treated
Strange as it may seem, sometimes people don't know what behavior is acceptable. What is plausible for one person may be inadmissible for another. To let others know what you are willing to tolerate, be clear and direct.
- For example, if late appointments are your concern, don't hesitate to say so. The other person is likely to have no idea of the effect his behavior generates.
- If it is a truly toxic individual, this strategy may not work, but it is still an excellent way to set boundaries.
Step 3. Speak firmly and decisively
You can have fruitful discussions, but assertiveness is a quality you can always cultivate, whether you argue or not. It will help you improve communication and relationships.
- Understand what you could improve on. Perhaps you are easily intimidated and people tend to trample you, especially if they tend to display a toxic personality. Therefore, identify the problem first.
- Think about tactics to use in certain situations. If the toxic person is a friend asking for money and you have a hard time saying no, what can you do? Do you have the opportunity to formulate a simple answer the next time I make this request? For example, say, "I care about you, but I can't give you more money."
- Learn to respond assertively in your life. You can use some techniques, such as "broken record", by simply repeating your words if your interlocutor argues. Start gradually if it seems difficult, saying no to family members or friends with whom you have a good relationship (when appropriate).
Step 4. Protect yourself from harm
Pay attention to how relationships develop with toxic people. For example, avoid taking everything they say at face value if you notice that they are harsh and critical of you. If you decide to keep seeing them, defend yourself by becoming aware of what they say, how they behave towards you and how they make you feel.
For example, if they scold you for "You are never available", investigate this request. It's true? Can you think of other occasions that prove otherwise? Often, toxic people tend to overdo it and make generic claims. Learn to question what you are told
Step 5. Apologize if that's the case
Even if you are dealing with harmful people, this does not mean that you are always right and that they are the ones who are wrong. Take responsibility for your mistakes and apologize when you see fit. Even if they don't accept your apology or rarely apologize, at the very least you'll know you've done your best as a partner or friend.
You might even leave a good impression. In other words, you should lead by example, which is to show healthier behavior than they have always adopted
Part 3 of 3: Acting with Toxic People
Step 1. Establish and maintain clear boundaries
Identifying limits not to be crossed is essential in general, but this becomes even more important when you are dealing with this category of people, because they often take advantage of those who cannot clearly outline their needs and have low self-esteem. Here are some steps that will help you better define your limits:
- Pay attention to how you feel and act accordingly. Avoid getting overwhelmed by the emotional storms of toxic people. Make your needs and feelings count.
- Don't hesitate to be still. Many people feel guilty when they have to set hard limits. However, taking care of yourself is also important. Avoid neglecting yourself to meet the needs of others. Learn that rejection doesn't make you a bad person.
Step 2. Follow your instincts
For some it is easy to justify those who treat them badly. Maybe you already know in your heart that someone is hurting you or taking advantage of you. Avoid rationalizing or justifying his behavior. Allow your instincts to have the last word, because it probably knows better than you what is going on and what you need.
Step 3. Get help
Know when the measure is full and you need help. Contact a close friend or family member you trust by asking them to be around you. If you intend to continue a relationship with a toxic person, rely on your support network. Self-care is a top priority. Giving too much is not the best way to be there for others.
Step 4. Take responsibility for your actions
Try to calmly evaluate the relationship you are in and the effect it has on you. Many people who continue to be friends with toxic individuals tend to please others in all ways, because they want to be loved and want to feel useful. There is nothing wrong with offering your support, but keep in mind what is happening so that you have a realistic picture of the situation. If something hurts you, don't underestimate it. Likewise, become aware if something causes a person to transform or prevents them from changing. Ask yourself the following questions to see if you are offering your help unconditionally:
- Is it usually me who maintain communication?
- Do I often take on the role of "peacemaker", resolving the most tense and difficult situations?
- Do I sometimes feel like I'm running after this person, managing all responsibilities or avoiding discussions and confrontations?
Step 5. Walk away
Ultimately, if you are dealing with a person who is actually toxic, the chances are that you will have to end the relationship. It can be painful to distance yourself from someone you care about, but in such cases, temporary suffering will prove beneficial over time. Having harmful people in your life can compromise your self-esteem, your financial situation, your emotional balance and all other relationships. If the price is too high, maybe it's time to walk away.
Advice
- Respond to hostility with understanding. It's a great way to set an example and also to feel better about yourself.
- Keep your distance, at the same time try to forge bonds of friendship with other people so as not to feel alone.
- Don't get overwhelmed by what toxic people do or say, so they'll know you're unwilling to give them your full attention.
Warnings
- Avoid playing his game. If you feel too absorbed in this situation, take a step back and evaluate your involvement.
- Don't attack toxic people. It might seem like a victory, but it's an attitude that will only grow unmotivated hatred towards you.
