We talk about empathy when, by focusing on the person you love, you try to understand them without judging them or letting your feelings take over. In other words, you have to put yourself in his shoes, imagining his experiences and looking at the situation from his point of view. It is a very important element in a relationship, because it can lead you to improve your listening skills, make communication more effective as a couple and create a deeper bond. Learn to nurture empathy within your relationship in order to strengthen it.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Listen by identifying yourself with the Other Person
Step 1. Listen actively
The best thing to do to foster mutual empathy in a relationship is to actively listen to the other person. You don't have to pay attention only to his words, but you need to really hear what he says, which is to observe the way he speaks.
- Don't get distracted by other things, like television or cell phones, and don't let your mind wander. Stay focused on your partner.
- Look him in the eye and turn the body in his direction.
- Pay attention to the expressions on your face. A neutral expression puts the other person at ease and predisposes them to open up. Often, when you are in a relationship, you are familiar with your partner's facial expressions and how they relate to what is being said.
Step 2. Rewrite your partner's speech
One way to start putting yourself in his shoes is to rephrase what he says. This way, you will be able to understand his reasoning and have the confidence that you have heard him correctly. By paying attention to the way he expresses what he thinks, you will be able to relate to his situation.
- If this behavior bothers him, explain that you are trying to listen carefully to put yourself in his shoes. As you get used to it, you will be able to do it mentally.
- For example, if he just told you he had a hell of a day, you can say, "You had a bad day at work because of your coworkers. Now you feel stressed and discouraged."
- You can also use this method to clarify what he is saying. For example, you might reply like this: "It would appear that you are angry with your boss for talking to you in front of other colleagues."
Step 3. Don't judge
When you talk to your partner and listen to what they say, try not to judge them. You could jump to conclusions and criticize his way of acting or his state of mind. In this case, you wouldn't be a good listener. Rather, try to understand what he is saying or find out why he behaved the way he did.
- Your goal is not to determine if he is right or wrong. You just have to try to see the situation from his perspective.
- Ask additional questions to understand his position instead of judging him.
- Look at things from his point of view and put yourself in his shoes. Don't rush to conclusions about his course of action. Rather, stop, think and be understanding.
Step 4. Focus on the other person
You will almost certainly lead a busy life and sometimes have little time to devote to your relationship. At the end of a long day, the other person could become a simple detail of your daily life. To fuel empathy, you should focus more on her. Make it your priority.
- List all aspects of your partner that you prefer. Remember his strengths every day.
- You decide to pay him time and attention every day.
Part 2 of 3: Developing Communication Skills
Step 1. Share how you feel
It is up to both partners to nurture couple empathy. If on the one hand we must learn to listen, on the other we must also open up. It's not easy to talk about your feelings, but this can improve the relationship and build a deeper bond. Mutual empathy is nurtured by taking charge of the other's feelings and communicating one's emotions.
Try saying, "I'm feeling sad today" or "I enjoyed being with you."
Step 2. Talk about the important things
It happens to put aside the deepest and most meaningful arguments in favor of the aspects of the daily routine. This is normal, but try to foster couple empathy by bringing conversations to more important issues. Talk about your goals, your dreams, your desires, your interests and your fears.
- Every day or every week, take the time to tackle this kind of subject. Rediscover your dreams or your hopes for the future.
- Avoid talking about household chores, children, work or shopping at these times.
- For example, you might say, "Do you remember when you dreamed of traveling to exotic places? Lately you no longer talk about what you hope to do and achieve in life. Is it still your dream or do you have other wishes?"
Step 3. React by trying to put yourself in his shoes
One way to foster mutual empathy is to improve the way you react towards your partner. Many people react by sympathizing rather than empathizing. In this way, there is a risk of imposing one's feelings on the other and not fully understanding his state of mind.
- To react in a "sympathetic" way means to agree perfectly with the way of thinking and feeling of one's interlocutor, but almost feeling pity or tenderness. Sympathy doesn't always encourage you to investigate and discuss the other's feelings.
- Instead of saying, "I know how you feel. I have felt it too," and continuing to talk about your experience, try to respond empathically, "It must have been terrible. I also felt something similar and I was terrible.. How do you feel after what happened? ".
- This type of communication encourages the other person to speak and open up instead of closing in on the other person's words.
Step 4. Behave frankly
When you interact and talk with your partner, do it openly. In other words, don't close yourself mentally or physically. In this way, you will be able to stay focused on the relationship, improve the couple's communication and build a deeper bond.
- Being open means listening to your partner and reflecting from their point of view. In addition, it is important to keep the body facing him by assuming a relaxed posture. Avoid walking away from him, crossing your arms, looking at his fingernails or the phone, or leaving the room while he is talking.
- If you are both open and focused on your relationship, you will not drift apart or create gaps and conflicts.
Part 3 of 3: Improving Couple Empathy
Step 1. Look for physical contact with your partner
Demonstrations of affection help to create empathy in the couple relationship. Hug the other person, kiss them, hold their hand or put your arm around their waist. These are simple and effective gestures that allow you to pay attention to your partner and establish a certain physical intimacy with him.
Physical contact allows the body to produce oxytocin, a chemical that helps increase the feeling of happiness
Step 2. Look at the other person
To develop greater empathy towards your mate, observe him. When you both have the freedom to spend some time together, don't hesitate to watch it. Imagine the thoughts that might be passing through his mind. See how she moves and pay attention to her body language.
- Try to understand what he is feeling. Are you nervous? Are you happy?
- As you observe him, assimilate all the information you are receiving and then check if his mood depends on a certain situation or on what he is doing.
Step 3. Imagine things from his point of view
Empathy is a useful element in resolving conflicts and differences because it allows you to understand what the other person is thinking. Instead of reacting impulsively, stop for a moment. Close your eyes and put yourself in your partner's shoes. Think about how they see the situation or interpret your behaviors.
- Consider some aspects of his past, such as his relationship with his parents, other family members, his view of the world, and so on. Thanks to this information, which you will have collected during your story, you will have the opportunity to better understand his decisions, his behaviors and the way in which certain events have affected him.
- When trying to empathize with your partner, don't think about what you would have done in their place - that's not the goal of empathy. Rather, consider everything you know about him and his past, and try to understand to what extent these aspects have led him to assume a certain reaction.
- For example, you may not find it excessive if someone whistles at you in the street, but if "your partner" has to deal with these behaviors every day and is constantly harassed when she goes out, it is understandable that she is induced to react. From your perspective, she may be exaggerating, but knowing her point of view and experiences, it will seem like a tolerable reaction.
- By analyzing the situation in this way, you will be able to put yourself in the other person's shoes. If both of you can do this, instead of arguing, you will be able to deal with the problem and each of you will be able to see it from the other's point of view.
Step 4. Practice activities that foster empathy
If you are looking to nurture this component in your relationship, consider doing something that increases it. Also in this way you can put yourself in the shoes of the person next to you, strengthen your bond and see things from their point of view.
- Great exercises for fostering couple empathy include acting, role-playing, and imitation.
- Also try taking a couple dance course. In fact, by reproducing the other person's movements, you have the opportunity to get to know them better.
