Empathy is one of the most important qualities one can acquire in life: in a world where so much time is spent pointing out the flaws of others and causing fear and anger in people, empathy can be a balm for negative emotions., a way to help yourself and others lead a more fulfilling and healthier life. Showing empathy means putting yourself in another person's shoes and understanding their feelings, so that you can offer your support by seeing things from their perspective.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Connecting with Others
Step 1. Listen to the other person
Paying attention to what the other has to say is one of the most effective ways to show empathy. To really listen means to listen in an active and focused way: it is not possible to do so if you constantly look at the phone or think about what to prepare for dinner; you have to be totally absorbed by the words of your interlocutor.
- If you get distracted thinking about dinner or whatever you want to say after the other person has finished talking, try to come back to the present by saying something like: "Excuse me, I was thinking about [the last thing you remember from the conversation] and I'm afraid of having lost the thread. Could you repeat what you just said? ".
- Look the other person in the eye (you don't have to stare at him, but try to keep eye contact) and sit in front of him. Do not wander, as it will give the impression that you are not interested in what the person has to say. (Keep in mind that eye contact has a cultural basis. Some find it rude and many autistic people literally feel threatened by too direct a gaze. If you are unsure how to behave, ask the other what they prefer you to do.
- Active listening requires three steps. First, you need to be able to paraphrase what the other person said to show that you understand the content of their speech (this is a general listening skill). Second, try to express your emotions in response to what the other is saying. Making your emotional reactions clear is a fundamental part of empathy, because it helps the interlocutor to better understand and regulate his emotions. This is one of the fundamental reasons we ask for empathy from others: their reactions help us regulate ours and give them meaning in the world around us. Third, it indicates how your emotional response makes you want to take action. Describing the way you would behave is another key element because, once again, it serves to demonstrate that you understand the emotional state of the other and to help the person understand how to behave in order to move forward.
Step 2. Refrain from making judgments
This is a very important element when you want to show empathy and understanding towards others. It can be very difficult to avoid judging a person right away, especially when you first meet them, but it is essential to be able to be truly empathetic.
- Try to understand the other person's perspective without immediately establishing whether it is right or wrong; in this way you will be able to reach a deeper level of understanding about what he thinks. This does not mean that the other person is automatically right, but taking the time to gain a more complete view will help you develop empathy towards them.
- Of course, this doesn't mean that if someone is acting reprehensible (perhaps making racist or sexist comments or bullying) they shouldn't intervene or say something. Making your voice heard, especially in defense of someone else, is an act of courage and compassion.
- The tendency to make instant judgments about others is a basic aspect of the human being: our ancestors developed this ability with the aim of recognizing potentially dangerous individuals and situations. It is therefore an innate mechanism that can be difficult to control.
- The next time you happen to make a hasty judgment about another person, try to ignore it by implementing the following strategies: 1) observe the person more carefully to find ways to empathize with a possible situation they are facing; 2) identify something that unites you (when you discover aspects that you have in common, you are less likely to judge others); 3) ask her questions to learn more about her story.
Step 3. Open up to the other person
Just listening to it isn't enough to build a bridge between you. Opening up emotionally is an incredibly difficult and courageous act, but it is also essential for developing and strengthening the bond with each other.
- Empathy is a two-way street. It's about sharing your vulnerabilities and developing an emotional connection. To truly show empathy, you need to share your inner world with each other just as he does with you.
- This obviously doesn't mean that you have to tell the whole story of your life to every single person you meet - you decide who to confide in. However, it is important to be open to the possibility and opportunity to talk about yourself, especially with people you would never expect to do with.
- Once you have found a person you would like to open up to, try to do this: instead of basing the conversation on thoughts and opinions only, try to express your feelings on a given topic; use phrases in the first person, for example saying: "I'm very glad we went out together today"; finally, avoid answering a question with "I don't know", especially if it's a personal question. We often respond in this way to avoid deepening the relationship with another person; try to find an answer that truly expresses what you feel.
Step 4. Show physical affection
Obviously it is not possible to do this with everyone and, in any case, you should first ask the person if they are okay (even if you have known them for a long time). However, physical displays of affection can increase oxytocin levels and improve the mood of both.
- If you know the person well, hug them, put your arm around their shoulders, or put a hand on their arm. This not only shows that your attention is focused on her, it also creates a connection between the two of you.
- Oxytocin is known to help interpret other people's emotions better, so gestures like a consensual hug can strengthen your emotional intelligence and that of the person you're empathizing with.
Step 5. Focus your attention outward
Pay attention to your surroundings and the feelings, expressions and actions of the people around you. Be aware of how the individuals you interact with might feel.
- Notice the environment around you, really notice it: pay attention to sounds, smells, images, and try to assimilate them in a conscious way. People tend to register things unconsciously; for example, think of how many times you have gone somewhere walking or driving and have no recollection of how you got from A to B. Look carefully at everything and everyone.
- Scientific studies have shown that being more aware of your environment and people around you makes you more likely to empathize with others and help them when they need it.
Step 6. Offer your help
This will show that you are aware of what is happening to the other person and that you want to make their life easier. Offering help is a great act of empathy, because it shows that you are willing to take time out of your day to dedicate yourself to someone else without asking for anything in return.
- Help can consist of a very simple gesture, such as holding the door open to a person entering your building or offering a coffee to anyone standing behind you in line; or it can be something more important, like helping your grandfather set up his computer and explaining how it works or looking after your sister's kids for the weekend so she can take a break.
- Just making sure the other person knows your door is always open can be a great empathetic gesture. Tell a friend that if they need anything they should just ask, so they can pave the way for help and support.
Part 2 of 2: Developing Empathy
Step 1. Question your prejudices
Sometimes it's hard to remember that just because you firmly believe in something doesn't mean that something is right. Take the time to analyze your prejudices: learn to see people as individuals, rather than grouping them into categories such as "immigrants", "terrorists" or "criminals".
- Identify things you have in common with someone you consider belonging to a specific category and use that affinity to create a connection with that person.
- Also, question your prejudices and assumptions: ask yourself why you think all poor people are lazy, all people with mental health problems are dangerous, or all followers of a certain religion are terrorists. Many beliefs and stereotypes are based on erroneous information that has taken hold in the common feeling. Know as much as possible, by listening to all those groups of people who are victims of discrimination due to distorted views.
Step 2. Give importance to people
Start treating others as if they have the same importance as you do; acknowledge the fact that you are not the only person on the planet and that you are not superior to anyone.
Accept people as they are. Do not attribute stereotyped characteristics or generalist and improper labels to them; each is an individual in itself, with their own strengths and weaknesses
Step 3. Volunteer
Sometimes, people are motivated to reach out and help others only after they have found themselves in need. If you want to develop empathy for others, try volunteering. It would help you better understand the needs of the community and allow you to connect with people you might otherwise never meet in your daily life. Dedicating part of your time to those in difficulty also has incredible psychological benefits.
Do some research to determine which people may need help in your area. You can volunteer in a homeless shelter, in a disabled center, at the Red Cross, or offer to give Italian lessons to foreigners
Step 4. Use your imagination
A good imagination is one of the cornerstones of empathy - you will never be able to experience every single thing that can happen to one person, but you can always use your imagination to get an idea of how the other might feel and use. this understanding to empathize with him.
- Forcing yourself to imagine what the other might be suffering helps to put yourself in his shoes and empathize with him. Instead of thinking that the man on the sidewalk begging will inevitably spend his money on drugs and alcohol, imagine what it would be like to live on the street, at the mercy of cruel people, trapped in a system that often abandons the destitute.
- Research has found that people who read works of fiction tend to understand emotions, behaviors and intentions better. So try to read as much as possible, focusing on the works that talk about marginalized people.
Step 5. Practice experiential empathy
It refers to having a direct experience of another person's life, to literally put yourself "in his shoes". Writer George Orwell lived for a time on the streets of London to discover what the existence of those on the margins of society was like. Orwell made friends, changed his mind about the poor (deciding they weren't "drunk scoundrels"), and adopted a new view on inequality.
- There is no need to go that far, but you can evaluate other ideas, such as taking on all the commitments that your mother faces every day for a whole week: you would realize how difficult it is to manage home and work and the amount of chores. which must perform; you may even decide to contribute a little more.
- Likewise, if you are religious (or atheist), consider attending the rites of another religious faith, not to ridicule it or to feel superior, but to learn what it represents for the people who profess it.
Step 6. Try the "loving-kindness meditation"
Meditating is a great way to deal with problems like depression, anxiety or even just the stress of everyday life. Traditional Buddhist metta bhavana meditation, known in the West as "loving-kindness meditation," can help you be more empathetic.
- Start with classic meditation. Sit in a comfortable seat and focus on your breathing. When thoughts start creeping into your mind, accept them and let them go. Visualize yourself as an object of love and kindness; don't start thinking about your flaws or strengths: you just have to see yourself as a person worthy of love.
- Once you have learned to practice "loving-kindness" on yourself, start addressing it to four different types of people: someone you respect, such as a teacher; a loved one, such as a family member or friend; a neutral person, for example someone you saw in a shop or met outside the home that day; and finally a hostile person, someone with whom you are in conflict.
- It may be helpful to repeat a mantra, such as "loving-kindness," to help you stay on track and continue to convey positive feelings, even towards the hostile person.
Step 7. Be curious about strangers
Part of showing empathy is being interested in other people, especially those you don't know about and who are outside your own social circle. This can be anyone, for example strangers you meet on the bus or are standing in line for coffee.
- This kind of curiosity goes beyond just talking about the weather (although this is always a great starting point): the goal is to know something about another person's world, especially if it's someone you don't normally have. contacts. It also requires opening up to the other, because one cannot have such conversations without also talking about oneself.
- Having these kinds of interactions is also a great way to test your empathy - some people don't feel like talking, so you can learn to recognize the cues and leave them alone. For example, if the person in question seems engrossed in reading a book, wears headphones, and never makes eye contact with anyone, they are likely not interested.
- If the person makes eye contact with you, give them a smile to encourage them. So try to draw inspiration from its peculiarities or from the surrounding environment to find something to use as a topic of conversation. For example, you could make a comment on the book she is reading or ask her about something relevant to the context you are in. Keep smiling encouragingly at her and use her name sporadically during the conversation.
- Always keep your safety in mind in these situations. If you feel uncomfortable or even threatened by the person you are talking to, close the conversation and walk away. Trust your instincts.
Advice
- Effective non-verbal communication requires the right posture and gestures, a facial expression that expresses attention and a gentle and reassuring tone of voice. Physical contact can also be very significant when used appropriately.
- These guidelines can be adapted to communicate with an autistic person who does not tolerate eye or physical contact, or with someone from a culture where looking in the eye is considered rude. Also refrain from expressing your emotional reactions; autistic people can interpret them as defensive or false. Keep the attention on the other person and not on yourself, but find other ways to show that you are receptive and willing to fully understand what the other has to say.
- Involving someone in a teamwork promotes a sense of collaboration: the other person will feel that they have contributed to the solution, knowing at the same time that they can count on you.
- Both non-verbal and verbal communication they are essential to convey empathy; they should complement each other.
- Recognizing the importance of another person's feelings is key to letting them know that you accept and respect what they are feeling.
Warnings
- Don't tell others what they should or should have done. Chances are they already know.
- Avoid asking "Why?" when you are trying to understand the other person; sometimes it is perceived as an accusatory question.
- Make sure you show empathy in a sincere and genuine way - if the other person realizes you're faking it, your relationship could end.
- Don't be discouraged if you encounter difficulties at first. As with anything else, it takes some practice before it comes naturally to show empathy.
