It could be a severe blow to be rejected after you have found the courage to tell someone you liked them; above all, it is painful to see him drifting away from you to the point that he no longer speaks to you. It's hard to recover a friendship when you confess to someone that you consider them more than a friend. However, there is still a chance if each of you takes the time to reflect, recognize the importance of what unites you, and commit to rebuilding the relationship by setting healthy boundaries.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Overcoming the Initial Embarrassment
Step 1. Make sure you have enough time
Once you receive the rejection, try to give yourself and your friend some time to process and review the situation. Probably none of you know what to do, so give yourself some time to think. If you used to spend the weekend together or text frequently, stop for a few days and decrease your contact in the meantime.
- Keep in mind that there is no time limit for forgetting someone. Follow your instincts to figure out how much time or space each of you needs, but don't stray for too long.
- If after a few days or a few weeks you feel that you have overcome your initial sadness, contact him to see if he is willing to see you again. In case he still feels uncomfortable, ask him if he needs any more time and tell him that you will wait until he is ready to talk to you again.
Step 2. Affirm the importance of your friendship
Acknowledge that your relationship will likely never be the same again, but state how important it is to you to still be friends with him. Let him know that despite his rejection, you appreciate his presence in your life by telling him that his friendship means a lot to you.
You can tell him, "It matters a lot to me to be your friend and I would like to try again, even if it won't be easy at first."
Step 3. Take Your Responsibilities
Don't hesitate if you want your friendship to run on other tracks. Recognize how difficult it was for the other person to know that your feelings towards him had changed. Show that you can handle rejection well by accepting what she is feeling, without arguing or trying to change her mind.
You might say, "I know you will probably be struggling and I'm sorry I put you in this position. Thank you for listening to me."
Step 4. Explain
Explain the reasons that prompted you to confess to the other person how you feel about them. Let her know that you had to be honest because your friendship has always been based on openness, honesty and trust. If you have been good friends for some time, have shared many moments together and have always maintained an open and sincere dialogue, you will not miss the opportunity to heal your relationship.
You can say, "I'm sorry I never told you what I really felt. I'm glad our relationship allows me to be honest with you."
Step 5. Ask him what his needs are
Find solutions together that will allow you to recover your friendship. Be sure of the things he needs or expects of you in the future. Understand his view of the situation and ask him if he has any ideas to improve it.
Part 2 of 2: Reclaim Friendship
Step 1. Return to normal
The sooner you go back to interacting normally with your friend, the easier and less embarrassing the situation will be between you two. You will show that you have accepted and forgotten his rejection if you are together as you always have. By avoiding each other, you will only feed the embarrassment and fail to recover your relationship.
Step 2. Set new, healthier limits
You need to relate to the other person and go back to seeing them normally, with a few exceptions. Since you are trying to rebuild a relationship with her, in some ways you may want to behave differently so you don't get another crush on. However, if you feel compelled to excessively change the way you interact, you risk not regaining your friendship. Among the limits to be established consider:
- Avoid ambiguous behaviors that lead you to flirt, seek physical contact, and make sexual innuendo;
- Be cautious when she talks about her love life and dating other people;
- Avoid clinging to the hope that it may change or fall in love with you in the future.
Step 3. Cultivate other relationships and new interests
Find time to indulge in other passions and activities. Make new friends and hang out with other people. This way, you will be able to forget how you felt about your friend. Try to build friendships where you have the freedom to discuss love and engagement more openly than you could with the person you have a crush on.
Step 4. Examine your behavioral patterns
Identify what led you to see more than friendship in your relationship. Try to understand if you misinterpret his behavior, if you have established a strong intimacy too quickly, if you generally fall in love with people you make friends with or who do not reciprocate your feelings. Talk about your relationship patterns with a therapist or friend who knows you well, so you don't fall in love with the same person or someone else who is your friend again. These dynamics could set in motion because:
- You have been hurt in the past and now you are scared of making a serious commitment;
- You want to protect yourself from another rejection in love by choosing someone who is not available or interested;
- You don't think you deserve another person's love.
Step 5. Learn the lesson and turn the page
Take heart and acknowledge that your friend crush has taught you what really matters in a relationship. You understand what you are looking for in a partner and what fascinates you. Use this awareness in subsequent relationships. Learn to build the intimacy you had with your friend with other people.
Advice
- If you feel low spirits after being rejected, use this experience to remind yourself that the other person didn't "give" you what you wanted. Rather, try to politely accept his rejection and move on. You won't be able to become friends again if you can't get over it.
- Surely the situation will be embarrassing for both of them. So, you need mutual support and other friends.
- Give him the time he needs, but don't shy away if you're both intent on remaining friends.
- If you continue to cling to the hope that the other person reciprocates your feelings, your friendship with them will never be true and sincere.
