The death of your spouse is one of the most devastating experiences you can have. Not only is the partner missing, but also a large part of emotional stability and orientation in life. Overcoming such a loss takes time. However, it is perfectly normal to feel the desire to find love again after losing a spouse. Find out when is the right time to go out with someone again and how to get back in the game.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: See if You're Ready to Date Someone Else
Step 1. Take your time
Don't rush to hang out with other people after the loss of your mate. You have spent many years with him, and whether your relationship was happy or not, you should give vent to your pain before you think about moving on. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve or a specific time when the pain will go away.
If you can't talk about the person you were married to without feeling emotional, you might want to wait before getting back on the game and meeting potential partners. In the meantime, take care of yourself by eating well, exercising, and avoiding behaviors that compromise your health, such as drinking alcohol or drugs. Join a support group to help you grieve or see a counselor
Step 2. You don't have to forget everything
Sure, you have to find the strength to go on and live without the person you loved, but you don't have to "put everything behind you". "To forget" who is no longer there means to resume an almost impossible normality considering how closely your life was closely linked to hers.
Rather, your goal is to accept. Learn to integrate the memory of your deceased spouse into a new reality that leads you to plan for a future without their physical presence. For example, you could fill your free time with new and exciting activities, such as going to the library, looking for a part-time job if you're retired, pursuing a new hobby, joining the gym, or adopting a pet
Step 3. Ask yourself what you want
Dating another person doesn't mean replacing the one you've loved for so many years. You may meet an ex, but be aware that such an attempt is likely to be disappointing. Reflect on all the qualities you would want in a new partner. Be realistic: if you compile an endless list, you will have a harder time finding someone who fits this ideal.
For example, consider things you might like to do with a partner, like traveling, and look for a partner who shares the same passions as you
Step 4. Don't feel guilty
It is normal for a widower or widow to feel guilty at the idea of getting back on the line from a sentimental point of view. He believes that simply smiling at another man or having coffee with another woman is equivalent to cheating on a deceased spouse. You need to get rid of these feelings and recognize that, deep down, you are single. The person you were married to would be happy to know that you have started enjoying life again as you see fit.
Part 2 of 3: Sentimentally Getting Back on the Game
Step 1. Spread the word
The first idea might be to tell your closest friends and family that you are ready for a new date. Hopefully, these people will give you their full support and be happy to introduce you to someone who shares the same interests as you. The problem is that there is little chance of getting to know a person by exploiting such close social ties.
Your circle of friends is likely limited to friends and their partners - people you would never go out on a tête-à-tête date with. Therefore, spread the word among other acquaintances, such as those you greet at church, friends of neighbors, or people you know at the grocery store or nearby shops. According to some research, there are excellent opportunities to get to know an interesting person by relying on "weak ties"
Step 2. Attend different events
Enrich your social life by taking advantage of suitable opportunities to meet new people. If you feel like a fish out of water at the idea of going alone to events you shared with your spouse, participate in other exciting group activities and make new friends, opening yourself up to the opportunity to date.
Step 3. Open a profile on an online dating site
The courtship with the person you married almost certainly didn't start out that way. You may cringe at the idea of looking for a "boyfriend" on the Internet and, at the same time, be surprised to learn that numerous widowers (and widows) find interesting partners on various dating sites.
- Be concerned about your personal safety when coming into contact with various suitors. Avoid posting your contact information, including home address, phone numbers, or email addresses, and check your account's security settings on other social networks.
- Do you feel like a potential suitor is too good to be true? Make the necessary assessments by verifying that the person matches who they say they are by searching the Internet for their name or by doing a reverse search of the images contained in their profile photos.
- Always organize your first meeting in a public place and go with your car. Make sure you let someone else know where and when you plan to go home. You could also ask a friend to sit at another table in the meeting room.
- A good rule of thumb for first meetings is to make an appointment during the day in a public place with an informal atmosphere, such as a bar or an ice cream parlor. If you want to organize a dinner, do not invite the other person over and do not agree to go to her. It is more than acceptable to meet in a restaurant arriving with two different cars.
Step 4. Don't be in a hurry
Wait until you are comfortable with the idea of continuing the relationship. Do not rush the stages. Take the time you need to get to know the other person better and understand your interest and / or feelings towards them before building something more serious.
Don't be afraid to hang out and hang out with other people at the same time before you get engaged. Don't indulge the overwhelming need to settle down again. Take the time to have fun, have a good time, and figure out who else might be compatible with you
Part 3 of 3: Go to an Appointment
Step 1. Decide when to point out that you are a widower (or widow)
If you know someone in a broad social context, it's understandable that you don't want to move on overly confidential ground. It is also possible that the person in front of you is already aware that you have lost a spouse. If you frequent an online dating site, you could enter this information in your profile or communicate it in a message to your interlocutor in order to prepare it before a real appointment.
Even after sharing this information, trust your instincts to decide what else to tell, such as details about your spouse's death or your married life. By trusting yourself, you may somehow create a stronger bond with a new person. However, consider that if you talk too much about your past, there is a risk that some suitor will feel left out
Step 2. Look after your appearance
Surely it will have been a long time since you last went on a date. So, show consideration for your appearance by taking care of your choice of clothes and your hygiene. Ask a close friend to accompany you on a shopping spree and choose garments that you feel comfortable with.
To go on a date, you don't have to undergo a drastic change of image. Just feel good in your skin and look nice. You will feel better about yourself by exercising and choosing your clothes and hairstyle carefully. Also, by exercising and staying active, you will be in a good mood and have a more optimistic outlook on life
Step 3. Think about having fun
Go to the meeting with a smile on your face and a positive attitude. If you are hesitant to meet a suitor or feel uncomfortable around them, cancel the appointment and give yourself more time. You both deserve an emotionally present and enthusiastic person to share their time.
Step 4. Think about your expectations
Even when you've found the right person, dating can be a roller coaster of anxious starts and false starts. Accept that you don't have to rely on the first month of dating to figure out if a relationship works, but you don't have to rely on the first year either. Maintain a positive outlook by going to every appointment with the belief that, although no particular understanding is born, you will still have met a new and interesting person.
Either way, be proud of yourself for being able to get back in the game and keep your expectations at bay
Advice
- Keep in mind that it takes courage to date someone else after the loss of a spouse. Be proud of your decision so you can get on the date early.
- Change your haircut, get a manicure or give yourself a dress. Treat yourself to something out of the ordinary to usher in a new chapter in your life.
