How should you behave when it's time to tell someone you don't want to be their friend anymore? The answer depends in part on whether you are a close friend or a casual one. If it's someone you don't know well, you can end your relationship either abruptly or gradually. If you are dealing with a close friend, on the other hand, you should talk to him in person.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Break Up with a Close Friend
Step 1. Make an appointment to meet in person
Send him a message or email to ask him to see you in a neutral place. If you live in the same city, this is the best way to discuss whether you intend to end your friendship.
- If he asks what you want to talk about, answer vaguely. For example, you might say, "I just want to share some recent decisions with you." If he insists, reiterate that you prefer to speak to him in person.
- If he lives outside the city, send him an email or text to know when you can call him to talk on the phone. Of course, it's always best to have a face-to-face confrontation, but if you live in two different places, consider this option.
- Be aware that written words can be easily misunderstood. In fact, it's one of the reasons why talking directly to the other person is the best, albeit difficult, choice.
Step 2. Get ready
You may have been wanting to break free of this friendship for some time, but when you meet, you need to be clear with your friend about the reasons that lead you to end your relationship.
- If you need to clarify what his behavior helped make you make such a decision, try to express this thought in the kindest and most gentle way possible.
- You'll probably prefer that he doesn't know why you want to end your friendship. It's not a problem. You can also be vague or explain yourself in the following way: "Things have changed for me…".
- Don't feel like you have to justify or defend your decision.
Step 3. Be aware that your decision may leave your friend baffled
He will likely be upset or angry when he hears what you have to say. Alternatively, they may try to regain your trust. You should determine in advance whether you are open to recovering what's left of your friendship or whether your decision is final.
- If he gets angry, you need to be prepared for his reaction. There is no need to make a scene: you just have to walk away.
- Unless you're willing to rebuild your relationship, don't dwell on it. You don't need to stay there until he feels better. Simply state what you've decided, saying it's time for both of you to move on.
- Don't get drawn into an argument about who is right or right.
Step 4. Be aware that there may be repercussions
If you've been dating for a long time, you probably have other friends in common as well, who may feel compelled to "choose a side".
- Do not fall into the temptation to tell others what behaviors your ex-friend has taken led you to end the relationship that existed between you.
- Don't feel compelled to defend your decision in front of them, as such an attitude will only make the situation worse.
Step 5. Don't tell anything about what your ex-friend may have done
Explain that this is your choice. True friends will understand your reasons, without having to receive further explanations.
- A few mutual friends might even make some attempts at reconciliation between you. In these cases, change the conversation, reiterating that you are just trying to move on.
- Don't try to create an atmosphere of hostility towards your ex-friend. If you lose other friends as a result of your decision, they probably weren't true and sincere.
Step 6. Go ahead
Don't dwell on the fact that you have decided to end a friendship: what's done is done. If you have pondered well, you will have made your choice wisely. At this point you don't have to think about it anymore. By mulling over your decisions or continuing to defend your choices (even if only with yourself!), You will only prolong this suffering.
- It may seem strange to you that your friend is no longer present in your life, but you will survive.
- Try to spend your time with other people. Try doing new things and going to different places with them.
Step 7. Take care of yourself
Eat well, get enough sleep and do whatever you like. Treat yourself with kindness and indulgence, and remember that it is normal for the end of a friendship to cause sorrow and pain.
- By focusing on the positive sides of your life, that is, the aspects you appreciate most about your way of life, you can lessen the sense of sadness left by closing a friendship.
- If you find yourself swooping into negative thoughts, try to turn them into something more positive.
Method 2 of 2: Break Up with a Casual Friend
Step 1. Try to escape
It can happen spontaneously to hang out with a person less and less, or it can be a conscious choice. However, it's a great way to let someone know that you don't want to be their friend without giving too much explanation.
- This behavior is indicated with occasional friends, whom you don't know very well.
- If you've recently met, it's not nearly as disconcerting as breaking up a friendship, as it's just a matter of acknowledging that you've never become true friends.
- To end a relationship in this way, it will probably take a long time.
Step 2. Decline your invitations
In the beginning, one way to decrease contact with the other person is to refuse what he or she proposes to do. Maybe every now and then you will be forced to resort to some little white lie, to get yourself out of the way in some situation.
For example, if she asks if you like to go see a movie together sometime over the weekend, you might say, "It sounds nice, but I already have a lot to do this weekend. I really can't."
Step 3. Take your leave when you happen to meet him
It is not excluded that you will run into the person you are trying to distance yourself from, so you need to know how to deal with this kind of situation. If you ignore her, you risk hurting her feelings and making her uncomfortable, so come up with some kind excuses why you can't stop talking.
- For example, you could greet her politely and add, "I'm sorry, but I can't stop and chat. I'm already late. Maybe another time!"
- Try to be kind and thoughtful. Even if you don't want to be friends with her anymore, you never know when you might meet her again. So, by approaching the situation in a civilized way, you will not be in danger of finding yourself in awkward arguments.
Step 4. Use a more active approach to ending your relationship
If your attempts to end a friendship in a polite and gradual way do not have the desired effect, you can also try to openly tell the other person that you no longer want to be friends with them. Just be direct, say, for example, "You are a great person, but we are too different. I wish you all the best, but I think we should stop spending a lot of time together."
Try not to disappear like a ghost. It happens when you cut all ties with someone, such as ignoring messages and emails, stopping answering phone calls and eliminating them from the friends list on social networks. This behavior is likely to hurt his feelings, anger and put the other person in a state of apprehension, so it is not indicated at all
Advice
- Consider the idea that maybe you just need a temporary break. Unless you are really sure that there is no room for recovery, avoid talking or acting in ways that end your friendship permanently.
- Try to err on the side of over-generosity.
