Love can lead some people to be a little obsessive, because they would like to spend every hour of the day together. However, by doing so, you risk ending up in a state of constant worry. If you are very emotionally involved, you might imagine that the other person has the same feelings and desires. Very often, however, this is not the case and it can be terrifying for your partner to discover that your deep feelings have become an obsession. To avoid alienating your man or woman, take it into your head that you need to restore balance within your relationship.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Do it for yourself
Step 1. Take note of your obsession
The obsessive behavior in a love context leads to being constantly worried about the loved one, with the desire to want to be with her every hour of the day, doing everything to be able to succeed. The obsession with love can lead you to believe, without real motivation, that the person you love absolutely needs you, causing you to invade every aspect of their life, be it family, home, work and so on and to provide unsolicited advice, support and various reorganizations, even if there are no clear indications that all this is wanted or useful. In some cases, obsession represents the other side of the coin of jealousy, as you hope to have characteristics similar to those of your loved one and therefore you are trying to adopt their way of being by being constantly present.
Step 2. Check your feelings
It may happen that you feel very tired, emotionally, upset and hypersensitive every time you share time together, since excessive concentration on the two of you together is a cause for concern. You may be overly concerned with the amount of time you spend together, rather than the quality.
- Becoming obsessive at the beginning of a story is a very common trend. It is a new, exciting story and you are with an extremely fascinating person. By realizing that you are not the first person to have these emotions, you can control the situation to manage it in a healthier way. It is possible that your obsession stems from a feeling of insecurity and fear or simply from how amazed you are at how wonderful the person you are dating is. Whatever the reason, you can still tame it!
- Ask yourself why you feel the need to be so tied to another person - you can answer this question by carefully analyzing the possible causes and thinking about each one. If you can't do it alone, don't be afraid to go to a professional who can help you overcome the obsessive tendency.
Step 3. As soon as you have recognized the obsession with which you afflict your partner, stop and proceed with caution
This doesn't mean not seeing each other again, but rather reintroducing a much more balanced routine into your story. Find a way to reduce the time spent together by increasing its quality.
Step 4. Maintain your hobbies and friendships
The secret of a story is balance, rather than always going out together in every available moment. Each couple must have time to re-establish their respective identities; moreover, the time spent separately helps to define your external dimension to the couple also in the eyes of the partner. Remind yourself of who you are by restoring old friendships or picking up old hobbies you have set aside. Advise your partner to do the same. This is an easy way to show that you trust (even if you don't actually believe it at the moment). Advise your partner to go out with friends or girlfriends, while you do the same with yours. Or suggest that your partner pursue his or her hobbies while you are pursuing yours, while still remaining separate.
Step 5. Take some time
Visit friends and family, take a class, do whatever interests you or what you'd like to learn. Do this even if this distances you from the person you love, who in turn should support and encourage you in the choice you have made. In fact, this is a good indicator of how your partner can handle a moment of separation by being left free to think - if that doesn't work, it could be a warning sign that your partner is too attached to you. and probably shares obsessive tendencies. If you are dedicated solely to the person you love, it means that you are not living your life fully. By dedicating time to yourself, you guarantee personal growth thanks to new experiences, remaining an accomplished person. This is not selfishness, quite the opposite, since it is a demonstration of trust in the partner and sets expectations that you will be able to manage both as individuals and as a couple. In case you weren't the great person you could be, then you can't expect to be the person you need to be for your significant other. Having personal experiences will only improve your relationship, as it will give you more topics to talk about.
Step 6. Reaffirm who you are and above all why you are a special person
Do the things you do best. If you still don't know what they are, try a little bit of everything. If you don't feel totally confident in yourself or have a sense of insecurity within your story, the gratification that comes with things done will give you the feeling that you have completed something. Don't try to build trust in your partner this way –– in fact, take advantage of it to gain self-confidence. To achieve this, find out what things you can be successful in to gain recognition from people outside the couple.
Step 7. Practice being a little more detached
You don't own the person you love, just as you don't own him. Obsession is something that stimulates a person's feeling of ownership and, once you perceive this feeling, it is easy to assume that the other person cannot be well without your input or support, even though this concept is alone. in your head. Practicing detachment can teach you to move forward without the fear of losing that person. Put these fears aside and you will see that it is normal to take a step back and stop trying to solve all the problems of your loved one –– it is best to conserve energy for when you really need to be strong for him or her.
Method 2 of 3: Do it for the one you love
Step 1. Give him his space
If your boyfriend wants to go out with his friends, encourage him, you're not Siamese twins. Let your partner know that you want them to have fun with friends for as long as they want. If you have to force yourself to do this, pretend enthusiasm and come up with a nice smile. There will be times when you want to be with your partner instead of seeing him go with friends; however, keep in mind that forcing your partner to stay with you all the time will lead him to move away sooner or later, mainly for fear that you will always insist on this thing and consequently because he will fear that he will never be able to spend some time with friends. But if you can reassure him about it, he'll think you really want the best for him and that will strengthen your union.
Step 2. Suggest that your partner pursue his or her hobbies and interests
The key to longevity in any relationship is to make it clear that you don't feel threatened or resentful of your partner's interests. By encouraging him to do so, your relationship will benefit greatly. And reassuring him that you love spending time with him, but letting him know that you think his interests and hobbies are just as important, will save him the sense of guilt. It is equally important to specify that you too can take care of activities that interest you while he takes care of his, leaving you the freedom to have fun when you are away. However, be sure not to say something in words and prove the exact opposite with facts; this would be manipulation and sooner or later it will cause resentment.
Step 3. Make your partner happy with facts
If you show a real interest in her pursuits that is greater than what you have in yours, you show that you are not obsessive and that you do not want to force your partner to be alone in your world and that you are not jealous of their interests. You don't have to participate in your partner's interests continuously, just show an initial interest, letting them know that you respect their choices, that you can manage your individual differences and that you will never try to arouse feelings of guilt. To kick things off, it might just be enough to help him find a place of his own, a club, a topic or a book - depending on his interest. So, give him space to cultivate his interest, without feeling threatened by you.
Step 4. Know when to back off
Study your body language a little to find out if your partner has any difficulties in spending time with you. There are several indicators: turning away, not having eye contact and refusing to hug or touch each other as usual. Verbally, you may hear sighs, groans, or laughs of derision when you propose to spend time together for a certain occasion. Don't think about the worst right away, but don't ignore these symptoms either: ask what's wrong and be totally open to listening to every answer. Listen carefully to what your partner has to say, but especially what they don't say. If all this were to occur, it would mean that he needs his space and, instead of panicking, you respond by showing openness and willingness to find a solution.
- Don't investigate too deeply –– ask a few questions and don't be pushy, to avoid your partner deciding not to answer.
- Listen to your instincts. In most cases, it will be absolutely clear that too much time together is the root cause of the discontent. Don't be shy or naive: tackling the subject is always the best thing to do for both of you.
- If you find that your partner is moving away, don't force yourself to be on top of them all the time. The temptation to do so can be strong, but you have to resist. Go ahead and trust the person you love.
Step 5. Be decisive and suggest spending some time (a few hours or a few days) apart
Make it clear that you are willing to see each other again when they want. In the meantime, find something to do to pass the time. If you really feel the urgent need to discuss, but your partner is not ready yet, talk to a trusted person, in very general terms without providing intimate details. By talking to someone, you will realize that perhaps your reaction has been exaggerated.
Step 6. Trust your partner
If the problem of obsession is your lack of trust, history is doomed and the obsession will only increase over time. If you have this kind of problem, deal with it before it devours you, dooming all of your relationships to failure. If someone has betrayed your trust in the past and if you keep thinking that every present or future person will do the same, you are severely limiting the possibility of discovering that trust, very often, is reciprocated. Many people, when they are given trust, will feel so grateful to receive it that they will go out of their way to reciprocate the treatment. Ultimately, if you don't trust your partner, you have a much bigger problem than obsession and you shouldn't be in a relationship.
Method 3 of 3: Do these things for both of you
Step 1. Regulate yourself
Marriage does not follow a first date and may never be. Seeing yourself as "Mrs. Rossi" before getting to know the other person well is obsessive. Avoid handling the situation too quickly, avoid jokes about the biological clock and how much you would like to have children one day and avoid talking about official engagements or what to wear on the wedding day. For the sake of the duration of the relationship, forget about these arguments and expectations of "forever". From what you know, you don't necessarily have to be together forever. It could always be a wonderful relationship right now and then we'll see; however, trying to speed things up will destroy everything very easily.
Pay attention to the gifts you give and when you give them. Gifts can give the feeling of an attempt to frame the other person, if they are made at the beginning of a story. Furthermore, giving something very expensive as a gift can make the other uncomfortable, who will feel "tied" to you, and create easy embarrassments
Step 2. Stop calling, texting and checking everything all the time
If your obsession leads you to call and send messages 24 hours a day to check on your partner, you will turn into a warder and your loved one will be a prisoner. It is right to call once to find out how he is and how his day is going, but if you call him every two hours, he will think that you do nothing else in life and you certainly do not want to give this impression. People are attracted to interesting people and not those who have nothing to do. If it turns out that the only thing you care about in life is him, the person will lose interest; it is too much of a responsibility to look after someone who lacks self-esteem. So, turn off your phone, don't email, don't text, and find something to do to occupy the time: go for a walk, meet friends or family, take a nap, find a job or learn something new (see above).
Step 3. Never become a stalker
Lack of confidence coupled with obsessive need can cause you to stalk your lover. Nothing more than this will push him to walk away from you and if he feels threatened he could sue you for stalking. Don't follow your partner everywhere –– they will notice and let you know that you don't trust them. In most relationships, stalking is the end.
Step 4. Set days to contact you again after being on your own for a while
It is simple and effective. After agreeing on the time to spend each on their own, define a day and an hour in which to resent. For example, if one of you is on a date with friends for that day, you might see each other later for dinner. Or postpone until the following day, perhaps to do something together. This will put both of you in a position to have fun when you are at a distance, while still giving you a mutual basis of support and also the reassurance in knowing that you will see each other with the desire to do so.
Be sure that the desire to have time for yourself does not become a topic of discussion. Spending time on your own can become a sensitive topic, especially if the other person feels it is an attempt to get away for good. Make it clear that all of this serves to guarantee both time for themselves, so that the shared time is lived with more enthusiasm
Step 5. Give your meetings a definite time, so that the time spent together is of quality and not quantity
Make time to see yourself in the midst of a series of regular activities and various commitments. This will restore the balance of the time spent together, instead of wandering around aimlessly, ignoring the things that really require your attention. For example, propose going out in the afternoon. Suggest a time and ask that person to drop you off after you leave, letting them know that you already have a next engagement. This prevents the appointment from taking too long and leaves both the opportunity to do other things. Also, this will allow you to open a conversation about seeing each other more if you need more time together. The best thing about limited time is that neither of you will stop feeling trapped, but will not be looking forward to the time to meet again soon.
Advice
- Remind yourself that being together means quality of time and not quantity. Use your time together wisely. Ask yourself if it is better to spend a mediocre eight hours together or just two, but that they are fantastic.
- Be careful if your sweetheart encourages you to always be attached. He or she may try to control you and constantly demand your attention. All of this is rarely a sign of love.
- Journaling can help you work through obsessive feelings. Make your feelings known in writing, rather than just listing what you have done in your day. Try to find out why you feel a certain way. Insecurity often leads a person to act in ways that we would call "crazy" or "morbid". If you are afraid of losing the person you love, analyze that fear by writing. Describe the worst-case scenario, while still hoping for the best for you. Write what you would do if something went wrong in your relationship; this will make you mind local and you will need one tomorrow if things take a turn for the worse. Don't fixate on the behaviors of the person you love, but introspect and try to understand yourself. Try to get to the core of your fear: fear of being alone? afraid of being rejected? The diary will allow you to analyze your thoughts and feelings. It should be a way to express every possible emotion without fear. Once you have it all down to paper, review what you wrote and verify that it is true. Ask yourself what you can do to avoid the fear of rejection or that of loneliness and to have more confidence in yourself. Make sure your partner never reads it, otherwise you could run into an awkward situation.
Warnings
- If you see your boyfriend once every two weeks and you live within a reasonable distance, then you are not the morbid type. He wants to keep his distance. Don't waste time with someone who only sees you as a possible option.
- You don't have to be a hobby, just because he doesn't have anything better to do.
- Don't make excuses to get there. If you know where it is and you are in the company of friends, don't say, "Oh, let's go there." You will look like a morbid type, who wants to eavesdrop or who wants to get noticed by your loved one.
- Establishing a curfew for your partner is absolute control behavior. As you certainly know, when you are out and about with friends, time flies and you don't realize it. You are not his mother and telling him not to be late while having fun with his friends will make you hateful in his eyes. On the contrary, you have to push him to have fun, so as to recharge the batteries and make him want to see you again as soon as possible.
- If your loved one spends more time with friends than with you, remember that love cannot be forced. If what you have is not what it should be, no temper tantrum will make this relationship work better.
