Jealousy is a natural emotion, but it can damage your relationships if it gets out of control. Face your feelings of jealousy trying to find out their origin and reasons. Do your best to communicate openly with your partner, to avoid misunderstandings and reduce your feelings of insecurity. Try to have a fulfilling relationship, but also make sure you take care of yourself and your emotional well-being.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Addressing the Root Cause of Jealousy
Step 1. Try to find the root of your jealousy
Feeling jealous in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean you're a naturally insecure person. Try to isolate the moment when jealousy started, whether in the current or previous relationship. Consider the events and circumstances that occurred during that time to understand the context in which it developed.
For example, your jealousy may have arisen in a previous relationship where you discovered your partner was cheating on you
Step 2. Notice if you feel jealous when your partner is around other women
Feeling jealous when your partner spends time with other women is likely a sign of insecurity. In this situation, the discomfort can stem from the fear that your partner will cheat on you, indicating a lack of trust. Ask yourself if he has actually exhibited this type of behavior in your relationship or if you might have a mild form of paranoia.
Individuals with mild paranoia have a tendency to suspect that others have bad intentions with no evidence to support this belief
Step 3. Ask yourself if you get jealous when your partner talks about his ex
It can be difficult to hear tales of your partner's past relationships, but it's important to remember that these memories are part of his or her story. Ask yourself if you feel jealous because you feel inadequate compared to your partner's past loves; this could indicate a self-esteem problem that has nothing to do with your boyfriend.
Step 4. Reconsider your beliefs about relationships
A few guesses about what romantic relationships should be like can give you unrealistic expectations. Reflect on your beliefs about relationships and focus on identifying ones that may be problematic. Consider where these beliefs come from and try to come up with more realistic ideas about life as a couple.
- For example, the assumption that your partner should be attracted to you and no one else can create unnecessary feelings of envy or inadequacy.
- Unrealistic romantic ideals can come from sources such as movies, television, and fairy tales.
Step 5. Talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist if you feel you need help resolving your feelings of jealousy
Through therapy, they could help you identify the triggers of your jealousy and develop adaptive strategies to avoid it. Find a specialist in your area and book an appointment to talk about your negative feelings. Sharing your experiences openly can give you a new perspective on your relationship.
- A therapist or psychiatrist can also help you deal with any underlying anxiety that could make jealousy worse.
- To find a specialist you can ask your doctor, do a search on the internet or at your local ASL.
Method 2 of 3: Communicate Openly
Step 1. Be honest with your partner about your jealousy
Feelings of jealousy are more likely to get out of hand if you keep them secret. Be honest with your partner when you feel jealous or insecure. Let him know that you are opening up about your jealousy so that you can control it in a healthy and honest way.
- Use this strategy in situations where you fear jealousy will overwhelm you and wish to prevent it.
- For example, say something like: "I feel a little insecure that you spend a lot of time with your co-workers and never invite me to join you, but I'm trying to control my jealousy so that don't risk damaging our relationship."
Step 2. Talk to your partner about what you need from your relationship
We can't expect others to guess all of our needs and wants, so it's important to communicate effectively. Explain your expectations and be clear about your limits. Without knowing how you feel, your partner may unknowingly let you down and make you feel unsatisfied.
- For example, if it bothers you that your boyfriend is spending time with an ex, tell him. Whether he agrees or not, it is best for you to be honest about your feelings so that he understands your reactions.
- Be clear to your partner if infidelity is a possible cause for a breakup in a relationship for you.
Step 3. Use first-person affirmations to communicate clearly with your partner
First-person affirmations help people communicate what they feel about someone else's actions without pointing fingers. Such a statement should briefly clarify the situation, express how you feel, and state its effect on you. Use these affirmations as much as possible when communicating with your partner, to facilitate an open dialogue.
- For example, you might say, "When you don't answer my phone calls, I feel worried and stressed."
- By focusing on your feelings and not what he did to upset you, you can avoid negativity and conflict, while still communicating your point of view.
Step 4. Practice active listening to show your partner empathy and understanding
Active listening involves being empathetic and receptive when your partner is talking, letting him know that you are paying attention to him. Listen carefully to what he says without interrupting him. During breaks or after he has finished speaking, repeat some of the concepts he communicated to you to make sure you understand them correctly.
For example, show him that you are listening by saying something like, "You seem to feel disheartened and stressed about problems in the office."
Step 5. Make compromises that make you both feel appreciated
Making demands of your partner without considering their feelings can only create tension in the relationship. Bring a sense of trust and cooperation into the relationship by offering solutions to problems that benefit both of you. This will show that you are taking his well-being into account without diminishing yourself.
For example, if you are upset that your partner is going to a sporting event with a colleague and not you, suggest that they go to a concert together the following week to make up for it
Step 6. Don't snoop into your partner's private life to calm jealousy
If you are so insecure about your partner that you get to snoop around, nothing you discover will be of any use to you. Even if you find something that proves that your partner is unfaithful, you would also be breaking their trust by violating their privacy. Fight the urge to control your partner by doing things like:
- Read his SMS and e-mails;
- Examine your Internet browser history;
- Sift through his things.
Step 7. Don't make social media the center of your relationship
Spending too much time on social media can cause jealousy and isolate you from your real relationship. Instead of portraying your relationship through social media posts and images, focus on strengthening the bond with your partner. Avoid communicating too much with him on social media, which paradoxically can increase the distance between you in the long run.
For example, if you see an article that your partner would like, send it to them by email or show it to them in person instead of posting it on their Facebook wall
Method 3 of 3: Valuing Yourself
Step 1. Remind yourself of your best qualities to boost your self-esteem
Low self-esteem can make you vulnerable to feelings of inadequacy and jealousy. Increase your self-esteem by making a list of your best attributes, whether they have been reported to you by others or are evident from the results you have achieved. Emphasize these positive thoughts to ward off the negative ones about yourself.
Write down things like "I'm generous" or "I make people laugh."
Step 2. Have fun alone
When relationships start to become codependent, one or both parties may feel inclined to spend all the time with their partner. Try to take some time for yourself to do the things you enjoy. Valuing your time alone will help you feel less jealous when your partner does things without you.
For example, you could take advantage of your alone time to read a book, jog, go to a spa, watch your favorite TV shows, or go shopping
Step 3. Find new interests and hobbies to do on your own
In a healthy relationship, both members of the couple have their own interests to pursue. This can help reduce jealousy while keeping both parties busy and satisfied. To boost your self-esteem and protect your relationship, try an activity like:
- Photography;
- Dance;
- Play an instrument;
- Painting;
- Writing.
Step 4. Avoid confronting your partner's ex girlfriends
It's natural to compare yourself to your partner's past loves, but thinking too much about it can be harmful. Remind yourself that previous relationships ended for a reason and focus on the strength of your current relationship. By focusing on the past, you will end up overshadowing your present happiness.
