Once a mother asked her daughter to choose a balloon in her favorite color. The girl replies "pink" and grabbed the pink balloon. The mother replied, "no, you like yellow, it's much better". She snatched the balloon from her daughter's hands, and gave her the yellow one.
Have you ever felt the need to change your child's opinions and tastes? Have you ever found yourself completing one of his tasks just because it was "too slow"? If yes, then know that you are not teaching your child anything at all, except that he needs to rely on you every time he has to make a decision, that impatience is a virtue and that those who care for him will always fix. everything, without taking responsibility for what he does. Your impatience risks compromising the independence and understanding of the child. Learning to overlook the clutter, frustration and mistakes that will inevitably be made is an essential skill when raising a child. It doesn't matter if you are their mom or their babysitter, a little patience will take you far.
Steps
Step 1. Take some time to think about the purpose and importance of patience
Patience gives time to reflect, slow down and think about the world and the things we are doing. It is a way to learn to enjoy the experiences we live, rather than trying to quickly reach one goal just to be able to run towards the next one. Patience allows you to enjoy every moment of life. It also allows others to accept us in their lives, through our faithful and constant presence and the respect we feel for them. When we accept the importance of patience in our life, it becomes easier to be patient with others. By respecting our own rhythms and those of others and showing ourselves to be patient, we have the opportunity to give ourselves, avoiding waiting for others to conform to us.
Step 2. Ask the child what he wants to do, what he wants to have, and what he wants to be
Resist the urge to do things the way you want. Even a small child is able to indicate what he likes and what he dislikes. It is important to allow him to express himself on appropriate occasions. When you ask the child to express a preference, be sure to listen to him. Try to paraphrase the answer so that it is clear that you understand it.
- Resist the temptation to change the child's ideas about his future occupation. If little Giovannino says he wants to do a window cleaner when he grows up, then let him do it. If you constantly interrupt him by saying things like “oh, he says so to speak. We all know he'll be a doctor when he grows up,”he'll start to resent being pushed towards a certain career.
- Try to balance what he wants with realism. If you think what your child is asking is unreasonable, too expensive, or simply consumer-induced, take the time to talk to him rather than just saying "no" or choosing for him without giving the right reason. You don't have to argue with the baby, but it's always best to give him a few brief explanations. It is even more useful if you explain to the child by example what you want him to do.
Step 3. Show interest and kindness to the child
Try to please him whenever possible. This does not mean submitting to the child and acting as a doormat. It means respecting his decisions based on more or less appropriate circumstances. Help the child understand the difference between making a request and demanding something, and what the consequences of these actions are. It is important that you also teach him to understand the importance of the gratification that one feels in waiting, making him understand that when you say no, sometimes it means that he just has to wait, and not that he will never get what he asked for. Helping him understand the time perspective is much kinder than simply saying "no", without any explanation.
Step 4. Be grateful for your child and for all children
With all the busyness of modern life, it is sometimes easy to take everything for granted. Take some time to express your gratitude towards your child, it will help you respect him for who he is, a unique and special being, and will help him understand the importance of openly valuing others.
Step 5. Be humble
Be willing to do as the child says when possible. While his attempts may cause you frustration and worry, it is important that the child is given a chance to show you his way of doing things. If your child offers to help you cook dinner, don't think about all the mess it will make. Accept that there will be some clutter, but also accept that he is learning to do something that will one day be very important to him (he may even help you prepare some meals). By observing and learning from your children or other children, you will better understand their character and know their strengths and weaknesses. This will allow you to cultivate his talents and teach him to overcome difficulties.
- If you don't allow your child to do things his way, you will deprive him of autonomy, and you may end up compromising his ability to discover new things. Often allow your child to have new experiences, develop their confidence and take on their responsibilities.
- Of course, always keep safety in mind. It is right to intervene when the child's safety is in danger or the action he takes is not appropriate, all this is part of the responsibility of the educators.
Step 6. Remember that children are also human beings
Children have feelings and preferences about foods, colors, and more. Try to respect them whenever possible.
Step 7. Resist the urge to check on the baby
Children trust blindly and are ready to absorb like sponges all the information that comes from the people who spend time with them and take care of them. When you try to control a child, you disrespect him and try to make him acquire a way of thinking and acting preferences that are not part of him. Give it some space to let it grow independently.
- Patience allows you to be a great teacher. If you use patience instead of control, you allow the child to grow at his own pace, instead of pushing him to do things he is not ready for. There are many famous people who did not speak until the age of five. Despite their mothers' worries, their children have grown up beautifully, coming a long way in life.
- Try this: try to say "yes" to the child, before saying "no". If your first instinct is to say "no," then question it. Why not? Are you trying to control him or is there a good reason to deny his request?
Step 8. Choose your battles carefully
Many issues are not vital. Give the child enough rope to allow him to learn safely on his own. Mistakes help you grow.
If you feel the situation is out of control, take a step back and create a space between you and the baby. This space is important to both of you, after which you will be able to express your thoughts and set boundaries as you will be calm rather than channeling your worries through frustration
Step 9. Be kind to your child and he will learn to treat you and others kindly, following your example, and this will be useful to him throughout his life
He will also learn to make smart choices, thanks to the fact that you have allowed him to make them. When she has children herself, she will teach them to be kind and to make right choices.
Step 10. Be kind to yourself
Sometimes it can be very difficult to be patient in a world that is so fast, and with all the expectations you have of children. Regardless of what kind of competitive approach you choose to adopt, patience allows you to remain calm, giving you the right perspective to recognize if the child is ready at his own pace, regardless of external patterns. If you run, you only risk losing sight of your leadership role, and the precious essence of the child.
Step 11. Love being with children
Sometimes the deepest outbursts of impatience catch us when we allow our efforts, such as work, personal goals, passions, sports, etc. to come between us and our child. Regardless of whether you are a mother, babysitter, teacher, or volunteer, sometimes no one is immune to impatience. If you resent your child for preventing you from doing what you would like, or find that you are not very present in your activities, then being patient can bring you the joy of spending time with them. Forget the impatience and think that the time you spend with your baby is precious. In those moments you can learn to see the world with new eyes. They are also the moments when you will realize how much difference you make in your child's life, thanks to the teachings you pass on to him and the things you show him, to the way you help him to love and respect himself.
- Understand that patience is a form of kindness. By eliminating the pressure exerted by everything that oppresses you, you can show the child that there is nothing more important and more precious than spending time with him.
- A child to whom time is dedicated learns that adult commitments can wait, that childhood is a beautiful phase in life, and that there is no need to grow up too quickly. The purpose of life is to be together, a gift that can be passed on to the child along the way.
Advice
- Another type of patience that is difficult to find is that of very stubborn children. In this case it may be useful to have a good sense of humor, not about the child, but about the situation. Try to find something happy, funny and funny with which to attract the attention of the child and distract him from what he is stubborn for.
- Sometimes a good deal of patience is needed when the baby is deeply hurt. People who have adopted or raised a child who went through horrible experiences, such as wars, famines or violence of any kind, often argue that it takes a lot of patience to help them trust again and come out of their cocoon. It is not easy, but the child will come out of it when he realizes that those around him care for him and respect him. This kind of patience requires a good deal of reserve, but it is vital in teaching the child to re-establish trusting relationships.
