Whether you are stuck in a traffic jam or are feeling disheartened by a difficult project to carry out, it is normal for you to react with impatience when things are not going your way. However, by learning to control and defuse your impatience, you will be able to calm down and be more peaceful and understanding, no matter how frustrating the situation you find yourself in!
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Learning to Be Patient in the Immediate
Step 1. Feel the thoughts and physical feelings of impatience
If you find yourself in a stressful situation, acknowledge thoughts that tell you that you are about to lose patience, such as "This person is going to last forever" or "This person is really unbearable." When you express these considerations in your heart, stop and try to understand how you feel physically. You will likely be able to detect the symptoms of impatience right away, and by identifying them, you will be able to begin fighting the frustration that comes with it. Among the physical signals consider:
- Muscle tension;
- Shaking in the feet and legs
- Clench your fists;
- Shortness of breath;
- Rapid heartbeat;
- Irritability or anger.
Step 2. Find out the cause of your impatience
Once you realize that you can't handle a situation, you need to go back to the cause. Get over the frustration and ask yourself, "Why do I feel this way?" Some common causes of impatience are:
- The surrounding environment does not reflect your expectations. For example, you may be irritated or disheartened by the idea of suddenly being stuck in traffic or having chosen a busier restaurant than you would have thought.
- Others don't behave as you would like. For example, you may be impatient because someone at the grocery store is blocking an entire aisle or chatting with a clerk for too long.
- When you can't get a new skill fast enough. For example, you may feel impatient if you don't come to understand a new concept in math or computer science, even if you realize it's not easy to grasp.
- When you can't control your thoughts. You may be irritated by not being able to handle the feelings or thoughts that crowd your mind, even if you know there is not much you can do to stem them.
Step 3. Stop your impatience before it takes over
You can take small, simple solutions to break the spiral of intolerance before it progresses so that you can settle down. Take your wallet or phone out of your pocket and put it somewhere else. Take the cocoa butter or a small piece of paper from the bag and hold it in your hand or slip it in your pocket.
Focus on your movements and physical sensations when you touch something. This way, you can distract yourself from your impatience
Step 4. Take 5 deep breaths to lower your heart rate
Close your eyes and inhale deeply with your abdomen. Hold the air for a second and let it out slowly. Feel the body as it calms down, try to relax mentally and find peace of mind.
In addition to physically relaxing, deep breathing will allow you to calm down before you say or do something you may regret
Step 5. Change your point of view regarding the situation
In most cases, you tend to lose your temper when you can change the situation (if there was an easy solution, you probably would have already found it!). Instead of focusing on the sense of helplessness, think about what you can change, which is your attitude and your way of seeing things. Ask yourself: "Since I cannot escape this situation, how can I improve it?".
- For example, if you feel dejected about writing an essay, try making your surroundings more pleasant. Pick some songs that encourage concentration, make some tea or have a snack.
- You could also directly address what makes a situation unbearable. For example, if the theme is taking too much time, cover the clock so that you don't get tormented by the hours that pass.
Step 6. Find some positive or interesting implications
If you can't change the situation, the best thing to do is change your perspective. Ask yourself if there is anything positive about the place you are and focus on that rather than your impatience. It will be difficult at first - like many other negative emotions, impatience can make you feel good and strong at first - but if you try hard to see the glass half full, it will get better in the long run.
For example, if you are stuck in traffic, chat with a passenger or, if Bluetooth is on in the car, call a friend or family member. Change the radio station or insert a new CD and sing
Part 2 of 3: Correcting Impatience in the Long Term
Step 1. Keep a journal to identify your behavioral patterns when you are impatient
Bring a small notebook with you and jot down every time you lose patience. Mark the date, time, trigger, physical sensations, and your emotional state. Reread the journal after a couple of weeks and see what situations you tend to be impatient in.
- For example, you may find that your impatience often stems from the frustration you feel towards other people. You could write: "June 1, math class, 2:00 pm. I was about to lose my temper because Marco was studying slowly. My muscles were tense."
- By describing the sense of frustration, you will also be able to release your emotions and, as a result, you will feel calmer and less stressed.
Step 2. Create a personal strategy against triggers
Sit down with your diary and make a list of anything that seems to fuel your impatience. Ask yourself what you can do to neutralize it in certain situations, and write a detailed list of things you can do whenever you start to lose patience.
- For example, if you often get nervous with friends and family, your strategy might be: "Breathe deeply three times. Explain why you feel frustrated. Take a break and walk away if you haven't calmed down yet."
- Find a solution using your creativity and make several attempts to see which is most effective. Give yourself time to change - it won't happen out of the blue, but you can improve in the long run.
Step 3. Take a short meditation session when you feel impatient
See every moment of impatience as an opportunity to focus on your breathing and connect with yourself. Balance yourself well on your feet or chair and breathe deeply, noting the rhythm at which you inhale and exhale. If you can, close your eyes or focus on a fixed point across the room.
Practice taking these meditation breaks a couple of times a day, even when you're not feeling agitated. By meditating when you are quiet, you will have less difficulty doing it in the heat of the moment
Step 4. Exercise regularly to relieve accumulated stress
Try to get some exercise every day, even if it's a simple walk or a jog up and down the stairs. In this way, you will dispose of the stress hormones that lower the threshold of tolerance to tension and you will have less difficulty in remaining calm in the most delicate situations.
- If you have time, try doing more strenuous physical activity, such as running, swimming, biking, or weight lifting.
- Sometimes, you can use exercise to alleviate the impatience in the short term. For example, if you feel like you're losing patience while working on a project, get up from your desk and walk for 5 minutes.
- If you are stuck in traffic, try moving your arms to the beat of the music.
Step 5. Prepare to chase away the impatience caused by long waits
Many people become impatient when they are forced to wait a long time, such as in a restaurant or doctor's office. If you can get distracted by doing something else while you wait, it will be much easier to stay calm.
- For example, you might carry a book, crossword puzzle, or pocket game with you when you think you have to wait, for example if you need to go to the doctor or queue at the checkout at a busy supermarket.
- You can also get distracted with something in your surroundings. Listen to people's conversations, watch other drivers like you are stuck in traffic, or read magazine or newspaper headlines as you queue at the supermarket checkout.
Step 6. Get help when you feel overworked
See if there is something you can delegate and ask a friend, family member or colleague if they can help you out. By taking off some of the pressure, you will relieve stress and regain your calm.
- For example, if you feel frustrated with a project, talk to your boss or teacher to find out if you can get help from a colleague or classmate.
- Try saying, "I'm putting in a lot of effort, but it's getting too complicated for me to do it all by myself. Could you get me someone to share the workload with?"
- Don't feel it difficult to ask for help, especially if your mental well-being is at the expense. People will be happy to help you and you will feel much more relaxed when you can share your weight with someone.
Part 3 of 3: Accepting What You Cannot Change
Step 1. Try to look at things from the right perspective
When you have to complete a task, you will feel pressured to finish it on a tight schedule, and the thought of what might happen if you don't finish it tends to fuel your impatience. In this case, ask yourself: "Why am I in such a hurry?". Even if I complete it late, it will still be realized and everything will work out.
- If you are in a life-or-death situation, this tip probably won't help you. For example, if you are waiting for an ambulance to help an injured person, it can be very important that you arrive on time.
- In such circumstances, focus your impatience on doing everything possible, whether it is to make the injured person comfortable or to provide information to the operator who answered your call.
Step 2. Be indulgent with yourself in the face of difficulties
If a sense of personal frustration is at the root of your impatience, take a step back and become aware of your limitations. The desire to improve and acquire new skills is commendable, but scolding yourself will only cause you to lose faith in yourself. Rather, face your difficulties head on and see how you can solve them or even turn them into something positive.
- Often impatience with oneself comes from the idea that it is better to hurry, but that is not necessarily true;
- By proceeding slowly and calmly, you can understand the concept more deeply and have fun in the meantime;
- Remember that most of the time it takes time and effort to learn something. Patience is the best gift you can give yourself.
Step 3. Accept that it is not always possible to meet your expectations
Much of your impatience stems from the frustration you feel when people or situations don't live up to your expectations. Instead of thinking that things have to go a certain way, let go a little and enjoy the unexpected things that may come along the way. Accept that people and situations are not perfect and take life's adversities with elegance and humor.
For example, instead of losing your temper when a friend spills a drink on you, think that it was an accident and that no one is perfect. Take a deep breath, reassure him that all is well and move on
Step 4. List the things you feel grateful for each day
According to some studies, people who show gratitude in daily life tend to be more patient and have better self-control. Adopt this advice by thinking about 3-4 things each day that you feel grateful for. Take a moment to enjoy the feeling of gratitude and set yourself up for this attitude.
For example, you might say that you are grateful that you have a roof over your head, dreams and goals for the future, and friends who love you
Step 5. Gain self-confidence and trust that other solutions can be found
Everyone's life is littered with seemingly insurmountable obstacles. However, by fueling your self-esteem, you will realize how smart and strong enough you are to find ways to overcome them, no matter how nervous or upset you feel.
