Many of us, if not all, have had to deal with a spoiled child. But how do you treat a person without rules and selfish, who always tries to win? It is important to know how to manage it to safeguard your mental health and avoid unpleasant and unnecessary quarrels. In these cases, you can take some steps to prevent problems and conflicts from arising, especially if you know that you are facing a rather temperamental kid. Furthermore, you can learn how to effectively resolve any disagreements and disputes.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Resolving Problems and Frictions
Step 1. Stay in control of your emotions when you argue
To effectively solve a problem that has arisen with a spoiled child, you must first take a deep breath and take control of your emotionality. In these situations you may start to get nervous or annoyed, but try to act calmly and reasonably. By doing so, you will prevent the fight from escalating and you will not allow anger to take over.
Don't take his words personally. Often, in the heat of the moment, rather offensive words can be said. A capricious person can scream and shout horrible things or publicly provoke a friend even going so far as to hurt him. Remember that such a person acts out of anger and self-interest, and can use you as a punching bag to get what he wants. So, anything he says in these circumstances doesn't concern you personally
Step 2. Take a break if the conflict gets out of hand
If you need time to take control of your emotions, don't be afraid to step back and give yourself a break. This is very helpful if you are feeling stressed, angry, or frustrated with the other person.
You can say that you don't feel emotionally ready to discuss what happened and that you need some time. Alternatively, if it is a child, you can send him to his room for ten or fifteen minutes while you reflect on the situation. By giving yourself the time to control your emotions, you will be able to better deal with the conflict that has arisen
Step 3. Punish him in private
Avoid humiliating or embarrassing him to discipline him, as it only risks exasperating the fight and generating more problems in the future. Instead, if it is an older person, propose a private meeting to discuss their behavior or, if it is your child, take them to a place away from prying eyes to talk to them about the problem. This way, you can have a face-to-face confrontation and explain that every action has consequences.
For example, suppose you are speaking rudely towards your partner, insulting him. You could take him aside and explain that his behavior did not respect either you or the person next to you. Later, you might ask him to apologize. A private discussion will allow you to let him know that he was wrong and give you the opportunity to clarify yourself
Step 4. Propose several solutions to the problem
When dealing with a conflict situation, try to offer different options or forms of compromise. Suggest ways in which the problem can be solved. Since you are dealing with a person who has behaved in an overbearing way, you must not give in or apologize, but propose different solutions to encourage a more open and civil dialogue.
For example, suppose your child has a tantrum because he doesn't want to eat. You can present several solutions, such as taking at least five bites or going to bed without dinner. It is very likely that he will choose the first option because he will almost certainly not like the idea of going to sleep on an empty stomach
Part 2 of 3: Educate and Set Limits
Step 1. Establish clear rules and boundaries early on
To avoid conflicts and problems when dealing with a spoiled child, you need to impose clear and strict discipline. Let him know so he knows how far he can go. For example, you might decide that she should always answer "please" and "thank you" when she receives something or apologize when she sneezes. Ask him to respect the rules and limits you have set because they will help you to contain his behavior.
- You can set rules for table behavior, such as saying "please" and "thank you", not resting your elbows on the table, chewing with your mouth closed, and apologizing when he gets up. Good manners allow spoiled children to stay calm and composed when eating.
- You can set other rules for behavior in public, such as holding hands in crowded places to prevent him from running or coming to you when you call him. You can also explain to him that he will face unpleasant consequences if he misbehaves around people to dissuade him from having a tantrum.
- If it's an adult, you should openly state your limitations. Let him know that you are unwilling to answer his calls or texts at all hours of the day and that you are trying to set clear boundaries in your life. If you are clear and straightforward, you will be able to prevent further problems in the future.
Step 2. Follow a daily routine and stick to the same times
You should plan your child's schedule and activities so that knowing what to expect doesn't get confused. A change in habits could make him nervous and lead him to misbehave.
Your child should follow the same daily routine: wake them up at the same time each day and schedule their recreational activities on the same days of the week. You could also let him know in advance if there is going to be a change so that he doesn't feel caught off guard and get nervous. Either way, any variation could trigger misbehavior, but at least you can tell you warned it before
Step 3. Recognize when he is doing well and reward him
Usually, it is easier to pay attention to times when a child has a tantrum than when he is quietly playing alone or with his siblings in public. However, you should try to recognize when he does well and reward him on these occasions.
You can reward him with kind words, such as: "I appreciate how you are playing with your sisters" or "You are good when you play calm and quiet." You could also reward him by offering him a trip or something fun to do together
Step 4. Encourage him to communicate correctly
Teach your child to speak in the first person to express feelings and emotions so that they learn to communicate clearly with everyone. Encourage him to formulate and use first-person sentences when interacting with adults and other children.
If he doesn't speak yet, you can teach him sign language. Teach them to use their hands to express various concepts, such as hunger, attention, or sleep
Step 5. Don't be afraid to say "no" when appropriate
While you should choose the battles to fight with a spoiled kid and avoid reacting every time he goes into a rage, you should be willing to say "no". You can try a few tactics to distract him or make him focus on something else, but if these attempts are ineffective, you may want to be more rigid and deny your consent with a firm and clear attitude. After that, if he paws for something, take the object out of his hand or push it away so he can scream and despair on his own.
Part 3 of 3: Preventing Bad Behavior
Step 1. Recognize the factors that trigger negative behaviors
To keep him from having a tantrum, try to identify the causes that can cause him to misbehave. It is likely provoked by other spoiled and disrespectful children or fidgets when alone in an unfamiliar place.
Sometimes, the triggers can be physical: for example, hunger leads to fatigue and nutrient deficiencies. The child may also be suffering from a medical condition, such as an allergy, which promotes irritability and a lack of patience
Step 2. Try to organize yourself in order to avoid triggers
Make sure your child gets enough sleep and eats regularly throughout the day so he doesn't get hungry at the table. You should also avoid areas and places that could trigger the symptoms of your medical condition and, as a result, create conflicts and problems.
- You can also encourage him to observe his behavior and give an opinion so that he learns to solve his problems on his own. By doing so, he will be able to handle situations when he misbehaves and overcome embarrassment.
- For example, you might point out when he comes home after a bad day at school and takes out his anger on his little brother. Ask him, "Instead of arguing with your brother, what can you do?" In this case, he will be encouraged to find a solution to the problem, such as: "I could spend some time alone drawing in the room and listening to music".
Step 3. Don't be too protective
Spoiled children need to understand that their behavior has consequences. If you are overly protective, you will prevent your child from growing and maturing. Everyone must learn to handle the most difficult situations and take responsibility, especially a spoiled child.
- Do not go to his aid in unpleasant situations.
- Let him be wrong.
Step 4. Let him earn his rewards
Teach him to be a grateful and patient person by allowing him to achieve certain goals and reward himself. You don't have to encourage and reward him as often as he does well. If you give him everything he wants, he will become even more spoiled.
