How to Change a Spoiled Child (with Pictures)

2024 Author: Samantha Chapman | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 09:13

Most parents don't have the slightest intention of spoiling their children. It happens gradually: they succumb to a whim, turn a blind eye when children are not doing their duty or spoil them with toys and sweets. However, there are techniques for making a child learn to be grateful for what he has, to behave well, and to work hard to get what he really wants. You will need to break old habits, take charge of the situation, and teach values such as gratitude and responsibility.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Overcoming Old Habits

Step 1. Identify the characteristics of classic spoiled behavior

Does your child regularly throw tantrums or try to get what he wants by verbally assaulting? Does he do nothing but pester you and ask you something even if you've already said no to him? Does he act as if he wants everything to go the way he wants, without ever having to lift a finger to earn something? Does he never say "Please" or "Thank you"? All this makes you understand that he is a spoiled child.

Step 2. Try to understand how you contribute to this behavior

There are many factors to consider, including:

• Are you afraid to tell him no? Because? What happens when you do it?
• Do you regularly give in to his whims even though you know you shouldn't?
• Do you set rules, guidelines or punishments, but then back down in case the child reacts negatively?
• Do you frequently buy him gifts that he doesn't need? Does this behavior get out of hand? Are you used to all this?
• If you answered yes to even one of these questions, you probably contributed to the problem yourself. Your child has learned that you don't like to say no, that you are inconsistent with setting rules, and that he doesn't have to do anything special, not even behave, to get what he wants.

Step 3. Get out of this vicious circle:

stop saying yes when you should say no. It's simple, but it's an extremely difficult habit to eradicate. It is easier to give in to pretensions and avoid whims. Either way, your child will be raised with the idea that decision-making rests with them, not adults.

• When you start saying no, be prepared for a bad reaction. It's normal. But if you give in to pleas, tantrums, or complaints, your behavior will only get worse.
• Once your child starts being told no, they will gradually get used to it. You can't have everything in life: it's a fact. If you don't teach him, he'll face the world with the wrong predisposition and will have to overcome many more challenges.

• When you say no, there is no need to give long explanations. You have the decision-making power. You can certainly briefly explain the reason for your refusal, but don't get lost in endless discussions, otherwise you will give the impression that you are trying to convince him rather than impose your decision on him.

  • For example, it's impossible to convince a child that they can't have an ice cream dinner, so don't even try.
  • If your decisions are supported by good reasons and you apply them consistently, the child will respect your choices more.

  

  Step 4. Connect with your child

  It can be difficult for busy parents, but knowing babysitters' habits and rules is important to stop spoiling them. If you and your child do not have a relationship based on healthy communication, with adequate limits and roles, now is the time to change the situation.

  • If the child's babysitter does not impose any rules when the child is with her, you should talk to the person concerned. Her job (probably paid) is to keep the child under control and in your absence she is essentially the one who has authority. All of this requires work of its own, so you shouldn't hand your child over to someone who is lazy and has no rules.
  • When you are at home, do you know what your child is doing in his room? Do you take a look at it every now and then? If he has a television or video game console, does he turn it on without your permission? You might want to move it to another room.
  • Does your child leave the house and play with the neighbors without permission? In that case, you need to put a stop to this behavior right away, because it shows that he does not respect your authority and this can be dangerous for him. A parent must always know where his child is.

  

  Step 5. Start trading smart

  Whenever he asks you something, first invite him to do something for you. If he wants to go play with a neighbor or play video games, don't tell him "Go ahead". First ask him to clean his room, help you wash the dishes, or take out the trash.

  

  Step 6. Prioritize family time

  Many children get spoiled because their parents have feelings of guilt, such as not spending enough time with them. Between work, child's activities (football, dance, and so on), and social life, it can be difficult to do simple things, like having dinner with the family.

  You need to make time to spend with your child, whether it's eating together or relaxing and talking. He should also spend time with the rest of the family (grandparents, uncles, cousins). Remember that jobs, activities, and friends come and go, but family relationships last a lifetime

  Part 2 of 3: Being the Adult of the Situation

  

  Step 1. Set limits

  Your child must know the guidelines for a good coexistence: rules, expectations, commitments and so on.

  Clarify the basis of the rules. You are the adult, so it is your duty to help the child improve. The rules allow everyone to understand what is possible and what is not. Explain that they don't necessarily have to like them, but that they have to respect them

  

  Step 2. Set clear and simple expectations

  It also explains variables such as when and how. Your child must know exactly what is expected of him. For example, say: "Every time you change, I want you to put the dirty clothes in the basket, without throwing them on the floor" and "After you finish playing, I want you to fix everything, only then can you start doing a another game ". You should always be as specific as possible.

  

  Step 3. Be consistent

  Establish the rules, enforce them, otherwise your child will understand that it is easy to contradict you, ignore you or negotiate to gain an advantage.

  • Don't doubt yourself. If you said "You can only eat one cookie," but then thought that maybe you could give him another one, stick to the first decision you made. Sure, eating another cookie won't be the end of the world, but your child may think it's possible to change your mind about everything.
  • When a rule is broken, impose the consequences, without unnecessary discussion. For example, if your child does not clean his room when he should and you have invited him to do it multiple times to no avail, then apply the punishment.

  

  Step 4. Avoid threatening in vain

  Don't threaten to punish him when you know you can't or don't want to. Eventually your child will understand that this is all a bluff and will believe that there will never be any consequences.

  If you're not sure what an adequate punishment should be for a certain behavior, tell him that you need some time to think about it. The consequences should be suited to his misdeeds. For example, if he often forgets to finish his homework but wastes a lot of time with his iPad, stop him from using it until you see improvement at the school level

  

  Step 5. Don't give in to whining, complaining, pleading, or other negative behavior

  Once you've said no to something or imposed a punishment for a certain attitude, don't retrace your steps. Stay calm, even if he makes a scene. If you never give in, your child will understand that these tactics will no longer work.

  In public this strategy can be embarrassing and stressful, but it's better than giving in to bad behavior. If you really have to, go away and deal with tantrums at home, but don't give up after making a decision

  

  Step 6. Involve other people in a position of authority

  Make sure you are on the same page as your wife or partner. Grandparents, babysitters, and teachers also need to be aware of your educational principles. It's best to prevent these people from undermining your efforts by giving in to complaints, justifying negative behavior, or showering your child with gifts.

  Part 3 of 3: Teaching Gratitude and Responsibility

  

  Step 1. Teach them to have good verbal manners

  Your child should have learned to say "Thank you" and "Please" by the time he started speaking. If not, it's never too late to start. An easy way to teach him is to set a good example, so use these words yourself.

  • Instead of "Clean your room now!", Say, "Please clean your room."
  • When he is given something, encourage him to thank him by asking, "What do you say?".
  • Let your wife help you. If you cooked, ask her to say: "Thanks for cooking, it's delicious. And you, children, what do you think of dinner?".

  

  Step 2. Establish rules for the whole family

  When a child is very young, it is common to clean up and sort out for him. However, as soon as you can, start teaching him how to be self-reliant and emphasize the fact that every member of the family must contribute to the smooth running of the home.

  You could start by teaching him to collect toys after playing. In relation to its growth, add other expectations

  

  Step 3. Try to be a role model

  If you don't work hard yourself, you can't expect your child to do it. He must see you at work and understand that you are often forced to take care of chores and errands when in reality you would like to do something else.

  Be polite in public. When you buy something or order at a restaurant, try to say "Thank you" and "Please" to the shop assistants and waiters. If you accidentally bump into someone, you need to interrupt a conversation or get someone's attention, apologize

  

  Step 4. Do the housework together

  The more challenging ones, like cleaning a bedroom or washing dishes after eating, can be difficult for a child, so work together, at least initially. This allows you to teach him how to do them correctly. It also helps him feel more confident and capable.

  

  Step 5. Observe a home care program

  If you have a plan to get the housework done, it will probably be easier to get it done. For example, if the child knows that he always has to clean his room on Sundays, he will be less likely to complain.

  Also, teach him that duty comes before pleasure. If on a certain day he has to take on a certain responsibility and the neighbor invited him to play football, he must first complete his commitment, then he can go out

  

  Step 6. Teach him to be patient

  Children often have problems in this regard, but if they understand that they have to wait and / or work to get a result, they will be more successful in life. Explain that he can't get what he wants right away or always.

  • It can be helpful to involve them in organizing an enjoyable activity, such as a trip. Explain to him that you must first save a certain amount of money. Emphasize that the experience will be much more satisfying because you have waited and planned it.
  • Let him know that you don't immediately get everything you want either. If you see a pair of jeans while shopping that you like but don't think you should buy them, say, "Maybe I'll wait for the sales to start. I have other jeans that still fit."

  

  Step 7. Value non-material rewards

  Regardless of your budget, it's best not to buy him everything he wants. In particular, try not to reward good behavior with just material things. Instead, reward him by spending time with him and doing something fun.

  Offer encouragement instead of gifts. If your child has played well during a football match, tell him that you are proud of him and that his coach is too, do not buy him a gift. If he brings home an excellent report card, tell him you are extremely proud, hug him, and offer to take him to the cinema or go for a bike ride to the park rather than buying him something

  

  Step 8. Teach him to work to get what he wants

  If you absolutely want to buy a certain item that you don't need, take this opportunity to teach him the value of money. Help him earn pocket money with housework and tell him how to save. For the more expensive products, you can ask them to earn a certain amount of money and set aside a percentage, while you pay the rest when you can.

  

  Step 9. Ignore complaints about what other children have or do

  When your child tells you "But others have…" or "But my friends don't have to…", tell him he has to respect your family rules. Remind him that you do what you think is right and that he should be grateful for the things he has, because there are children who have less.

  

  Step 10. Don't apologize for the disappointments

  If you can't buy him something because you can't afford it, there's no point in apologizing. Just tell him the truth: "I'd like to buy it, but I can't. Maybe for a special occasion, like your birthday." You can also encourage him to save up to buy it on his own.

  Also, don't apologize when you implement a punishment associated with a certain wrong behavior. Consequences are part of life and your child must learn that he cannot always behave the way he wants. Learning to obey house rules will help him comply with workplace regulation and laws as an adult

  

  Step 11. Share your fortunes

  As much as your family is not spiritual or religious, there is nothing wrong with thanking out loud for what you have. A child will tend to talk about toys at first, but encourage them to also recognize that they have a family around them, pets, good health, a home, and food on the table.

  Volunteer with your child to help the less fortunate. You could do this in an animal shelter, a homeless shelter, or a soup kitchen. You can also put aside items you no longer use and get other people involved by organizing a collective donation to give them to people or animal associations in need. Your children will be happy to help and will also feel more grateful for what they have

  Advice

  • Remember that changing a spoiled child is a gradual process. His way of being is due to years of mistakes, so it takes time to teach him new values and better behavior.
  • Many children come naturally to be supportive and help others. Encourage this impulse by emphasizing that it is good to do good.
  • Ask for help. You may need support, even in the form of advice, from experienced parents. Talk to your parents, your partner, parenting groups, family counselors or social workers. You can also search for an educational course to learn more about how to become a better parent.