Maybe someone has made a mistake towards you and you intend to reciprocate the gesture by seeking revenge. Perhaps you feel ashamed or believe you have lost your dignity and want to give exemplary punishment in hopes of regaining your self-respect. Either way, revenge can involve gratuitous violence or cruelty towards another person. By following your thirst for revenge, you will not get any relief, but you risk suffering even more. If you learn to master this desire, you will be able to move forward with your life in a balanced way.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Controlling the Emotions
Step 1. Understand the underlying emotions
The need to take revenge arises when someone hurts you to the point of humiliating you and, as a result, you feel ashamed that you have allowed such a situation to happen. Such a feeling can result in anger so powerful that it triggers the desire for revenge.
- Emotions manifest physically, so by recognizing the physical symptoms of each emotion, you can keep them under control. For example, when you lose your temper, your blood pressure rises and a sensation of warmth radiates from your shoulders to the back of your head.
- Emotions can affect the decision-making process, establishing a deep connection with every decision. For example, when you are angry, you may decide more rashly than when you are in a more relaxed mood.
Step 2. Write down what you feel
By writing down your feelings, you have the opportunity to accept them and clarify your ideas. In addition, you will be able to reduce its severity and alleviate the thirst for revenge.
If you don't want to write down what you're feeling, try talking to someone about it. Find a trusted friend or family member and explain to them exactly what is happening: how you feel, who is involved, the reasons that lead you to seek revenge, how you think you will feel after you take revenge, and so on
Step 3. Meditate
Choose a quiet room, sit on the floor, close your eyes and concentrate by taking slow, deep breaths. While meditating, try to clear your mind of all negative thoughts and focus on the positive aspects of your life.
Mediation has been scientifically proven to reduce stress and can be a great way to overcome the desire for revenge. It can slow down thoughts and help you regain calm and balance
Step 4. Repeat reassuring phrases
Emotions can be overwhelming and difficult to manage. When you can't contain yourself, try repeating positive phrases to remind yourself that even if the situation gets out of hand, you are always in control of your reactions. Here are some mantras you might try to repeat:
- "It could be worse";
- "I am in control of my reactions to this person";
- "I can get up and get over everything";
- "Soon it will pass."
Part 2 of 3: Finding Alternatives to Revenge
Step 1. Vent your anger constructively
Often the desire for revenge is accompanied by anger and hatred. Try to find a healthy way to get rid of these negative feelings, dedicating yourself to something that gives you joy or listening to songs in tune with your mood. You could also try cooking or writing a poem.
Physical activity is a fantastic outlet for negative emotions. It circulates the hormones that stimulate good mood and relieves the stress associated with the desire to satisfy the thirst for revenge
Step 2. Be superior to those who hurt you
Instead of lowering yourself to his level, behave more elegantly by finding a solution that allows you to feel like a better person. For example, if someone makes fun of you for not being able to take an exam correctly, instead of seeking revenge, study harder to pass the exam successfully next time. That way, he won't be able to make fun of you anymore. By acting with superiority, you will feel better because you have done something good and, at the same time, you will prevent others from behaving badly towards you.
Step 3. Write down how you wish to take revenge and then tear off the paper
Think of all the possible ways, from the gentlest to the hardest, in which you could take your revenge. You could ignore a person altogether, block them on social networks, compromise their efforts, send them hostile messages anonymously, embarrass them in public, and so on. Think about each alternative and how you might feel later. After thinking about everything you could do, tear off the paper and savor the feeling of liberation.
Step 4. Seek the comfort of friends and family
Since man is a social being, he needs to interact and receive support. If you are having a particularly difficult time during which you cannot control your thirst for revenge, try to be in company. You don't have to talk about what you want and are feeling. Go out with your friends for coffee or go to the movies, and try to interact with them. This way you will be able to take your mind off the desire to repay the offense and you will feel happier rather than stressed or angry.
Step 5. Pass time
Time extols all feelings and, therefore, the desire to take revenge will also fade. In the long run, you will no longer have an interest in seeking revenge and will come to focus on the most important aspects of your life.
Over time you will scale things down. You will be able to see more clearly what deserves importance and attention in life and understand if the effort and possible consequences of a revenge are really worth it
Part 3 of 3: Forgive Those Who Hurt You
Step 1. Talk to the person who has offended you
If you can, start a dialogue with her to try to get to know her point of view. For example, ask her, "Is there anything I have done in particular that offends you?" or "What can I do to make things right between us?". Don't be condescending or argumentative. Instead, be understanding and put yourself in his shoes.
If you are having a hard time dealing with someone who hurt you, try texting or emailing them. However, bear in mind that written words may have a different flavor than what you really mean and, therefore, there is a risk that they will be misinterpreted
Step 2. Be understanding
Show all your understanding towards the person who hurt you, directly and indirectly. It may be that he is going through a difficult time or that he does not have the ability to handle certain situations appropriately. Recognize their frailties and feelings.
Try to open your heart to those who have hurt you and put yourself in their shoes to get a clearer idea of how they might feel
Step 3. Realize that you cannot expect to exercise control over who has offended you
When you decide to forgive, accept the possibility that the other person is unwilling to do the same. You cannot control his actions and feelings. However, this shouldn't affect your decision to forgive her.
Give up the desire to control everything by giving up and trusting that things will go the right way. Let go of the hold you think you have on the one who hurt you to give yourself a chance to forgive them
Step 4. Realize that forgiveness is up to you
Forgiveness and reconciliation are different concepts, because while reconciliation requires collaboration on both sides, forgiveness concerns only one of them. Forgiving someone does not mean letting them act undisturbed, but simply accepting what has happened and being willing to move on.
