Everyone has some secret at some point in their life. When a girl hides something, it's not necessarily a bad thing; for example, it could hide information about a surprise birthday party. However it is undeniable that there are also times when the secrets are more serious. There are ways to tell when a girl is hiding something, many of which are supported by psychological and scientific research.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Interpreting the Signs When Hiding Something
Step 1. Realize when there seems to be something wrong with her
If it is a person with whom you spend a lot of time, you will probably immediately realize if there is something strange or different about them. Keep this in mind and try to keep noticing at which moments he seems to behave differently than usual.
Step 2. Keep track of the circumstances in which his behavior changes
Once you notice that he is acting strangely, start paying attention to when his attitude changes. Look for constants to get a general idea of why it acts in an unusual way.
- Does it behave differently when talking about a particular topic?
- Does the change happen in the presence of a certain person?
- Does he seem uncomfortable when he is in a certain place?
- Is there a certain future event you don't want to talk about?
Step 3. Watch for changes in her behavior
Again, if you know her very well, noticing the differences in her behavior should be fairly straightforward. As you try to identify the general cause of his sudden secrecy, observe him for habits or for signs that may reveal that he is lying or hiding something.
- She appears extremely thoughtful.
- Avoid eye contact often.
- He takes frequent breaks when he answers.
- Suddenly he changes the subject.
- Cross your arms across your chest or protect other vulnerable areas, such as your throat.
- It adds too many details.
- He leans back, as if trying to physically distance himself.
- Keeps arms and legs stiff.
- He does not make empathic gestures.
- He stops speaking in the first person and refers to people using names instead of "he" or "she".
- Avoid answering questions exhaustively.
- He clears his throat and swallows visibly and often.
Step 4. Consider the severity of what it might be hiding
As you observe its behavior and what causes it, think about what it might be hiding and how serious it might be.
- If you are in a relationship with her, then perhaps she is hiding a betrayal or a bad habit she has acquired and vowed to quit, such as smoking. If, on the other hand, it is a friend, perhaps she is hiding something that has been said about you behind your back.
- There is always the possibility that she is hiding something positive, such as a gift or a surprise party, so it is important to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Step 5. Write down your suspicions in preparation for confronting her
Creating a list of suspects or detailing a larger doubt will help both of you look and feel more prepared during the confrontation, as well as give you the ability to reference the behaviors, words, or actions that led you to those conclusions.
- Include anything strange about his behavior, mentioning the things he said, the way he acted and other suspicious behavior.
- Take note of your observations on what topics or people seem to be triggering such changes in his way of acting.
Step 6. Ask a mutual friend's opinion on your suspicions
Choose someone who knows both of you and ask them if they have noticed anything strange in your friend's behavior. The mutual friend could know another aspect of the story and help you understand if there is something you don't know that could explain his behavior or if your observations are well founded.
Part 2 of 2: Confronting Her About What She Hides
Step 1. Find a moment to talk to her
Depending on the depth of your relationship, you could arrange an interview with her at home, if she is your partner, or you could have lunch together.
Avoid showing that you want to talk to her about her shy behavior if you're planning ahead. Otherwise, this will cause her to decline your invitation and it will be more difficult for you to talk to her to find out what happens
Step 2. Introduce the topic calmly and reasonably
There is the possibility that the girl will get angry when you hit the spot, so do your best to ease the situation by staying calm.
- However, this does not mean that you have to be evasive or vague about what you intend to communicate. You need to be clear and straightforward about their secrecy so that they can fully understand the conversation.
- "It's been a while since I've been hiding something. My relationship with you is important, so I would like to talk about it”.
- “You've had singular reactions to the comments I've made recently. I don't want to offend you, but it's like I'm hiding a secret. We can talk about it?".
- “I have recently found that you are very nervous most of the times we are together. Is there something wrong and you would like to talk about? ".
Step 3. Present your thoughts and observations in a way that understands your apprehension
You are talking to her because you are worried about what is happening and you intend to find a solution, so help her understand it with your words and gestures.
- "I recently noticed that when Marco is around you become closed and detached. I wonder what happened to behave like this towards him. I'm here to help".
- "You've become a bit shy lately when we talk about our projects with other people. I'm worried and I'd like to know if there is anything you should tell me ".
- "During Professor Bianchi's last lesson you were very nervous and agitated. I'm available if you want to talk about why you behaved like this ".
- “You told me you stood up reading a book last night until you fell asleep, but Maria told me you went dancing. I am sorry that you have told me a lie and I wonder what is the reason that pushed you to do so”.
Step 4. Listen carefully to his answer
Remember to remain calm and give her the opportunity to answer you without interrupting her. If she continues to be coy, tell her that you are noticing certain particular behaviors that indicate she may be lying, such as her inability to maintain eye contact, frequent pauses while answering, or too many details she adds. So, ask her again to be honest with you.
- If she keeps hiding the truth about what's going on, then it's time to reconsider the value of that friendship or relationship: what's the point of having a relationship with her if she doesn't tell you the truth?
- "I heard you say that …".
- "I understand that you feel …".
- "I appreciate that you agreed to talk to me about it, but I have the impression that you are not completely honest. Could you tell me the whole truth? ".
- "I'm really grateful to you for the opportunity to talk about it together. However, it looks like you have more to say that you haven't said yet. Keep talking”.
Step 5. Take some time to process what he says to you
In case it tells you what it's hiding, take some time to process it, especially if it's something negative.
- Consider his reasons for such behavior and their validity. Should he have told you the truth from the start or is his secrecy justifiable?
- Evaluate the relationship, whether it was right for him to withhold that certain news from you and what could be done to remedy the rift this caused.
Advice
- Always give her the benefit of the doubt before thinking about the worst.
- Be prepared to listen to what he tells you with an open mind, as it may not be what you are hoping for. Try to enter the conversation without preconceptions and with a willingness to really listen to it.
