You will probably still have feelings for your ex. Breaking a relationship doesn't mean hating the other person. Typically, however, over time these feelings begin to fade, you meet new people and move on. In some cases, however, you don't have the ability to get rid of it. If you don't have the strength to let your ex go, you can try telling him.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Getting in Touch
Step 1. Wait some time
If you've just broken up, it's not a good idea to get back together right away or tell the other person that you still have feelings for them. Breaks are hard to digest. If he dumped you yesterday, it's obvious that your feelings will still be pretty strong today. However, this is not the time to let them know. Wait a bit, work through what happened, and then, if your feelings have remained the same, get back in touch. There is always a chance.
- There is no specific waiting period before contacting your ex again, but you need to spend enough time to process the breakup. In fact, you must feel that the relationship is over. Wait at least a few weeks - or a few months if the relationship has been longer.
- Try hanging out with other people for a while. Try to deepen other relationships to get to know yourself better. If it doesn't work, you will have at least acquired this awareness.
Step 2. Reflect on the problems you have faced in your relationship with your ex
If, after waiting, your feelings for the other person are still alive, you need to do a self-examination. Why did you break up first? What problems arose in the relationship? If you focus only on the lack of it, you could lose sight of all the complications that have arisen within your relationship. Use this moment to focus on these difficulties.
- Is there a likelihood that these problems will reappear? Did they happen because of you or his? Have you changed to the point of accepting the other person's problems or have you been able to resolve the ones you caused? If there is a chance that the same dynamics will reoccur as before, it is not a good idea to get back together.
- If you have faced huge difficulties in your relationship, such as cheating or other serious issues, it will probably not be a piece of cake to get back together. Are you willing to forgive your ex for the biggest mistakes he's made? And, in turn, is he able to forgive yours? How can you trust each other again?
Step 3. Try making small changes to show that you have changed
It is good to give your ex the impression that you are happy, attractive, strong and sexy in order to have a chance to be accepted back. Therefore, it is time to start correcting small aspects of yourself that you would like to change, so that you can win back those you have lost.
- If you were too jealous or had a wild party time, try to keep these attitudes under control. Also try psychotherapy if needed so you can show that you mean it when you say you want to change.
- "Because I'm sad" or "Because I miss you so much" aren't great reasons to get back together with someone. That's not why you were in a relationship before. You need to present yourself in the best possible light.
Step 4. Think about what you want
Imagine your ideal partner. Does your ex look like him? Sometimes, we get stuck in the past and it can be hard to see what we really want. Make sure you don't retrace your steps, picking up on something that is best left to die for good.
Do you really want to get back together with this person? If you still have feelings, but you think it won't work out between you, telling them will likely complicate the breakup. Keep it to yourself
Step 5. Find out what his situation is
If your ex is single, then you have no reason to seek him out, letting him know that you still have feelings for him and that you want to get back together, as long as that's what you really want. If he's dating someone else, you have to wait. It's not fair to interfere in his new relationship by hindering him. Try seeing other people and wait until he's single again to talk to him again if you feel the need.
Sometimes, you may feel the need to let him know that your feelings are still very strong, even if he is seeing another girl. In this case, try to think about how you would feel if someone sneaks up on your boyfriend. You have been warned
Step 6. Get in touch
If you intend to talk to him, send him a short message or email letting him know that he is still in your thoughts and that you would like to speak to him in person. You could send him a quick message saying, "Hi, I've been thinking about you lately. Can we meet when you can?".
- Sometimes, it can be really helpful to try to communicate your feelings in a letter. If you feel like it, do it, but think carefully before shipping it. It may be best to speak in person to understand what you are feeling by being close to him.
- Don't try to get back together over the internet. This is not an appropriate conversation to have via chat. Do it in person - or at least on the phone.
Part 2 of 3: Talk to the Ex
Step 1. Meet in a public place
When making your appointment, remember that it is important to see you in a "free zone". If you live together, don't offer to meet him in the house where you will have a lot of old memories. It is important to think about the future objectively, so don't make a wrong decision, letting yourself be carried away by the feelings you have.
Try a public park, where you can rest easy and have a private conversation, but not a place that brings back your memories
Step 2. Show your best
If you want to get your ex back, it's important to have a look that makes the other person accept you back into their life. Make an effort to look your best. Choose clothing that suits you and that makes you feel comfortable. Get polished, like you're on a date with your boyfriend - which could happen soon.
Step 3. Tell him how you feel
There is no big secret, to be honest. If you still have feelings for him, let him know your feelings. Tell him that you have thought about your relationship and that you think it will work if you get back together, as long as that is how you feel. Emphasize the difficulties you have faced in the past and analyze if you have the strength to overcome them by being united.
Get to the point. Don't waste too much time telling about what happened to you again or trying to make him believe that everything is okay. Just tell him the truth: you are losing it, you think it can work and that you are a better person now
Step 4. Apologize if necessary
If you've both decided to break up, you probably won't need to apologize for anything. However, if you've cheated on your ex or made some other mistake that forced him to end the relationship, it's important to apologize clearly and definitively.
- Be clear when you ask for forgiveness. It is not enough to say: "I'm sorry". Try to show that you understand his turbulent reaction and that you can see the consequences of your actions.
- Even if you think he has made mistakes for which he should apologize, it is important to put pride aside. Admit your faults and ask for forgiveness; worry about solving problems later. This is the time to present your apology.
Step 5. Listen to what he has to say
He will likely have the same feelings as you and will not deny it. Or he might hear other things and start taking it out on you. It is important to listen to what he has to say. Even if you don't like it, try to figure out where it comes from. If you get angry and start arguing, you definitely won't get anywhere.
- If he says he still has feelings for you, talk about what went wrong with your relationship. Try to focus on the problems you have had and see if you can make your story work again.
- If she says she got over it and doesn't have the same feelings as you, just say, "I was hoping it was different, but I'm glad I knew how things are from you. I needed it. Call me if you change your mind."
Step 6. Don't expect an immediate response
He may need some time to think about what you have told him, so all is not lost. Don't conclude by saying, "So, what do you think?", And don't demand an answer. Just express what you feel, adding, "Please don't say anything now. Take the time you need to think about it and then we'll hear from you. Okay?"
If you are dating another person, they may need some time to think and decide what to do. Give it to him
Part 3 of 3: Turn the Page
Step 1. Give it some time to think about it
After you tell him how you feel, leave him alone for a while and have him call you. If you have let him know that you are waiting for an answer, leave him alone and give him time to think until he comes to a conclusion. At this point there is nothing else to say that can make him change his mind. Leave him alone.
Step 2. Plan to contact him again
After some time, it would be a good idea to meet again in the same place and talk again. Find out if you continue to feel the same feelings and if his have not changed either. Find out if she thinks your relationship might have a sequel. If so, get back together and start solving your problems.
Step 3. In the meantime, live your life
Even if you're still in love with this guy, it's not good to wait for him to make up his mind. Live your life. Go out with your friends, meet new people and try to have fun. If you have the opportunity to go on a date, don't hesitate. Don't wait for a phone call that may not even arrive. If he calls you, deal with the situation.
Step 4. Restart gradually if you decide to resume your story
Depending on how long you've been together the first time, it can be exciting to rekindle a relationship. However, try to take it back calmly, as if it were a new boyfriend. Don't rush into experiencing the relationship and seeing the other person 24/7 unless you both want to. If you are still a little worried about the problems you were having, take your time.
- Just start with a few simple appointments. Go out for coffee or go to the cinema together. Don't make big plans or overly elaborate things. Don't make your relationship official on Facebook right away until you've spent some time together and ironed out the unresolved issues.
- Also consider not telling your friends until you have had the time to check how the relationship works. It can be embarrassing to think that you have everything fixed and break up a week later because of the old problems.
Step 5. Clarify problems when they reoccur
It is important to be prepared for the eventuality of the old problems returning and to recognize them before they interfere in your history. If you notice your boyfriend engaging in behavior that even previously was a problem, talk about it immediately. Don't wait for the situation to get worse until a problem arises.
Expect it to do the same. If your behavior drives him crazy, talk about it right away. Be open and communicate if you want to save your relationship
Advice
- If you broke up because your ex fell in love with another woman, don't follow these tips.
- Try telling him that you love him when you are face to face, because you would lack personality by doing it through a phone call or text.
