While dating sites and instant messaging services make it more convenient to communicate with friends and family, it's certainly not easy to connect with someone when you don't talk to them face-to-face. More and more people have met their friends, partners and spouses online, and that's the point: it's a weird experience for everyone! Try to be curious, but not intrusive; relax and try to be yourself.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Breaking the Ice
Step 1. Stop thinking about it too much
If you are trying to get to know someone (and perhaps to woo them), the goal of the first online conversations is to help the interlocutor understand who you are; you have to be yourself, but if you plan the meeting too much, you stray from this goal.
- Starting a conversation online is difficult for anyone, you are not the first and you certainly will not be the last.
- At worst, you can learn from experience; at best, you can connect deeply with someone. However, you can't know until you try.
Step 2. Pick a good time
Text the person when they are online. It is easier to have a "live" conversation than to rely on the other party to answer later.
Choose a time when you don't have to go anywhere; you don't have to feel rushed when you have the opportunity to start and develop the conversation
Step 3. Start gradually
Send a short message asking the person what they are doing. A simple "Hi, how are you doing?" Is more than enough. You may find that you feel much more comfortable once the conversation starts - you can't back down at this point!
- The interlocutor is likely to answer you by saying what he is doing and in turn asking for news about you; be prepared to provide an answer.
- Avoid an exchange of words that lead to nothing, for example: "I'm fine, thanks". Everyone can be "fine". Choose a more articulate answer to give more information about yourself, such as: "I'm fine! Today my friend and I explored an abandoned house on the hill. It was really interesting but terribly scary", or "My dance team. has just been admitted to the national finals, I'm so excited! ".
- Mention things that may be interesting, but avoid bragging.
Step 4. Ask questions about the interests you have in common
This is a sure topic for breaking the ice. If you attend the same classes, ask for some information on homework; if you are part of the same sports club, mention the next event. This way, you can start the conversation very naturally and make it easier to transition to a deeper level.
- Try something like this: "Hi, I had a mental block and I forgot to write my English homework today. Do you have them?"
- Alternatively: "Hi, do you know when the next athletics competition is? I was completely distracted when the coach communicated this during today's training".
Step 5. Give compliments
If your interlocutor does something that deserves praise, it is perfectly natural to compliment. This is another chance to break the ice and make the other person feel appreciated; however, don't overdo it! Be moderate with compliments, otherwise they can seem like flattery.
- If you attend the same classes, you can say: "You did a great job during today's presentation! I never thought I'd learn so much about Giuseppe Saragat!"
- If you are part of the same team: "Today you had a great time on the 100 meters flat. The fate of the athletics team is on your shoulders."
Step 6. Ask questions
If you met the person on a dating site or application, you probably don't have any common real-life topics to talk about; you can ask her some open questions about her. Draw inspiration from his profile.
- For example: "I saw you dance hip-hop. Do you have to do some performances soon?".
- Or: "I like your beard. How long did it take you to grow it?".
Step 7. Be careful with "pick up phrases"
They can be counterproductive: they are effective with some people, while they extinguish interest in others; they can seem tacky or manipulative, especially if they don't reflect who you are. Try to be as honest as possible, and if that involves some flirting jokes, use it!
Part 2 of 3: Keeping the Conversation Alive
Step 1. Be present and engage in the conversation
Read and answer carefully. Dialogue is a matter of picking up clues and improvising, based on what the other person says; while "chatting virtually", pay attention to the subject and how it is developing.
In this respect, having an online conversation is easier than having it in person, as you can scroll down the page and re-read messages when you need to remember a specific detail
Step 2. Ask questions
You have to show real interest - it's a scientific fact that people love to talk about themselves. If you ask questions, chances are the interlocutor has a lot to say.
- Choose questions that lead to other questions. For example, if you say, "What kind of music do you like?" and the interlocutor replies: "I love a lot of different music, some rock, pop and even punk songs. I go to several concerts in the area", you have the opportunity to continue the conversation and ask: "Do you think about going to some good shows in the next few days ? ".
- Avoid closed questions. Those that provide a simple "yes" or "no" as an answer can "kill" the dialogue; you have to stick to simple questions or questions that require multiple answers and you must be ready to ask others for further study.
Step 3. Don't be nosy
Show respect for sensitive topics; in this case, you have to use your intuition, but as a general rule, don't ask questions that you don't want to answer either.
Step 4. Turn your answers into questions
A conversation is a flow of information that goes from one interlocutor to another; you have to make sure to keep this flow alive. When texting, try to end each thought with a question, to prompt the other to continue the chat.
- Think of dialogue as a game where you pass a ball. If you can catch it, that's a good thing, but the game can't continue unless you throw it back to the other person.
- Don't just say, "I had a good day. I think I scored very well on my math exam!"; instead try to end it like this: "I had a good day. I think I scored very well on my math exam! How was yours?".
Step 5. Don't be afraid to talk about yourself
The aim is to maintain a delicate balance: if you monopolize the conversation and talk only about yourself, you may seem self-centered or vain; however, if you don't let yourself go with some personal details, you remain an unknown person, like many others.
- Be honest. If you weave a web of lies trying to appear what you are not, you may later contradict yourself; sooner or later the knots come to a head.
- If the interlocutor asks something about you, please answer but try, in turn, to end the sentence with another question. For example, if you are asked about your dog, consider answering something like this: "His name is Duke, he is a mixed breed German Shepherd; I got him at the animal shelter three years ago and now he is part of mine. family. Do you have any animals? ".
Step 6. Use emoticons and emojis, but don't overdo it
Smilies like ":)" and ": 3" can convey emotions, add "depth" to an online conversation and compensate for the somewhat detached atmosphere; they make the person like you and make you appear friendlier. However, they reveal a lot about emotions - if someone uses a lot of smiley faces, there's a good chance they'll like you.
- There is nothing wrong with disclosing your feelings, but depending on the situation it may be more appropriate to keep a slightly detached attitude until you get to know the other person better. pay attention to the use of emoticons and the message they can convey.
- If you want to gently let the other person know that you are interested, use the ":)" emoticon. You should put it at the point in the sentence where you would smile even in real life.
Step 7. Don't force the conversation
If the other person responds in monosyllables despite all your efforts, they may not want to talk to you right now; if the dialogue seems forced, it is always better to end it and try again at another time.
- Remember it's not necessarily your fault! It is very difficult to judge the feelings of others, especially online. For all you know, the other person may not want to talk because they are feeling low or have a lot of work to do or maybe they just got into a fight with their parents.
- If you try again and again to establish a dialogue, but the interlocutor does not seem interested, stop. If possible, try to spend more time with him in person, but only if you have a good reason for doing so.
- Give him some space. Nobody likes to feel pressured; it is better to let the person go than to make them feel uncomfortable.
Part 3 of 3: Ending the Conversation and Making Plans
Step 1. Talk until you have nothing more to say
Maybe you have really exhausted all the conversation topics, or you have to go somewhere; in both cases, there comes a time when you have to say goodbye to the interlocutor.
- Write something like: "Ok, I have to go to train. Thanks for the nice conversation, have a good day!".
- Consider saying where you need to go, even if there really isn't a place you really need to go. This is a great way to end a conversation without appearing rude.
Step 2. Don't feel compelled to make formal plans
Online conversations follow a slightly different protocol than "live" conversations and are not as formal; Unless the interlocutor has limited access to the internet, you shouldn't feel compelled to arrange a "second date". You can just say hello by simply saying, "We should talk some more, sometime."
- If the dialogue went well, just text after a day or two when both of you are online. This time you should feel more comfortable and you can build the conversation around the information and jokes you exchanged in the first meeting.
- If the interlocutor can only access the network at certain times or places (for example, for three hours every afternoon or only when he is in the library), feel free to arrange a formal appointment. You can say, "I really enjoyed talking to you. I know you're not always online, can we meet again on Thursday?".
Step 3. Pay attention
If you've set up a live meeting, use common sense to assess the situation. A conversation can only make you understand something and people may not be what they are saying online.
- Consider chatting online several times before taking the step of meeting the person in person.
- If you have relied on dating sites, you may very well decide to meet the interlocutor soon, even immediately; however, always be very cautious. If you are on a date with a stranger, tell a friend where you are going and with whom. Bring your cell phone and, if possible, schedule the meeting in a public place, such as a bar, and during the day.
