Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which a person or group convinces you that you forget things, that you are too sensitive or just plain crazy, in order to control yourself. You may be manipulated by your partner, a relative, a superior at work, or even a social or religious leader. For example, the other person may often tell you that you picture conversations you know have happened because they want to avoid talking about a topic. Over time, being told repeatedly that you are wrong, that you are irresponsible, or being blamed for acts you have not committed can negatively affect your self-esteem and the confidence you place in yourself and others. You can recover from gaslighting by dealing with its effects, regaining confidence in yourself and others, and building a support network.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Coping with the Effects of Gaslighting
Step 1. Recognize the signs of gaslighting
If you suspect that you are a victim of this psychological abuse by another person, you should learn about all the various ways it can manifest itself. In this way you will be able to recognize the attempts at manipulation and you can begin the road to recovery. Here are some of the more common signs:
- You are accused of mis-remembering or making up things that actually happened.
- The other person changes the subject or avoids talking about certain topics.
- You are accused of overreacting or being too sensitive.
- The other person acts as if he doesn't understand what you are saying.
- The other person refuses to talk about their behavior.
Step 2. Distance yourself from the situation
Gaslighting is a form of mental and emotional abuse. It is a way to exercise power over you and control yourself. If you have not yet ended the relationship, you should seriously consider this possibility, so as to recover from the abuse.
- For example, if you recently realized that the other person is purposely trying to make you question your sanity, you should try to leave them.
- Talk to someone you trust and ask for help. For example, you can say to your brother: "Can you help me? I am a victim of gaslighting and I have to get away from the situation."
- Get help from a psychologist or other mental health professional.
- Call a crisis line for help. They can put you in touch with other people who can help you.
Step 3. Reduce Stress
Since gaslighting is a form of abuse, it can be very stressful. You may always feel nervous, tense, or tired. You can recover if you are committed to reducing the overall stress in your life. Try techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or visualization.
- There are many different types of meditation that you can use to relieve stress. You can try yoga, mindfulness, concentration, or another type.
- Practice visualizing yourself in a peaceful place. Imagine yourself in the smallest detail. For example, imagine your forehead and chin relaxed. Visualize the smile on your lips and the happiness in your eyes.
Step 4. Address your anxieties
Victims of gaslighting may feel anxious or nervous. You may feel like you need to be vigilant all the time, because you don't know when the other person will accuse you of something you didn't do. To recover from this abuse, you should find ways to calm down and manage your anxiety.
- For example, if you notice that you are nervous about your look, because someone important to you always criticized your stylistic choices, you should face this feeling.
- When you find yourself feeling anxious, try to calm yourself down with mindfulness techniques. Live in the present moment. Acknowledge and accept your feelings, without making judgments.
- If you are facing an anxiety attack, focus on your breathing, thinking "in" when you inhale and "out" when you exhale.
Step 5. Treat depression
It is not uncommon for victims of gaslighting to suffer from depression. However, you don't have to let this disease get the better of you. You can recover from abuse if you make sure you resolve any depressive symptoms you experience.
- For example, you may notice that over the course of the relationship and still today, you find it difficult to carry out your daily duties, feel tired, or seem to have no energy or interest in any activity.
- Learn to recognize less obvious symptoms of depression, such as physical problems with no apparent cause, difficulty concentrating, changes in appetite or sleep.
- Consider seeking professional help for treatments that can cure depression. An expert can help you decide whether to try medication, therapy, or other treatments.
- Develop new ways to cope with depression in everyday life. For example, create a schedule and stick to it. You should also avoid drinking alcohol or using other substances to cope with the situation.
Step 6. Stay safe
It can be difficult to end a relationship where you are being abused, and the other person may try to stop you from doing it. Create a security plan so you don't risk your own safety after you leave.
- Change your phone number and ask the phone company not to register it so it doesn't show up when you call.
- If you are concerned about physical violence, you can ask for a restraining order. Make your neighbors and your employer aware of the action.
- You may be forced to move. If you decide not to, at the very least change the door lock.
Method 2 of 3: Regain Trust in Yourself and Others
Step 1. Listen to yourself
This is probably the hardest thing to do to recover from gaslighting, but it's also one of the most important. When you are a victim of this type of abuse, you begin to ignore your inner voice and your instincts.
- Start small. For example, listen to your body when you feel hungry or tired. You may think, "I can trust my instincts to know when to rest. It's a small thing, but it means trusting myself."
- Don't feel like you need to make a decision quickly or give the power to someone else. Think, "I can take my time and evaluate my options before making a decision."
- When you start doubting yourself, think, "I can trust myself and listen to my judgment."
Step 2. Check the validity of the facts
Over time, gaslighting leads you to doubt yourself and others. When you are a victim of this type of abuse you reach a point where you only trust what your partner is supporting and you can go so far as to ignore other people's advice. To recover, you can regain trust in others by checking if what they tell you is true.
- To start, try to restore trust with one or two people you know very well. Find two people who have always been by your side and who support you. For example, you can go to a relative.
- Use these people as a basis for understanding the truth. For example, if your sister tells you that you are okay, you can ask your mother if she is telling the truth.
Step 3. Write a diary
You can recover from gaslighting by writing down the experiences that help you regain confidence in yourself and other people. With a positive episode diary you can start trusting your common sense and others again.
- Write when you make a decision that turns out to be the right choice. For example, you might note that you decided to take an umbrella on a sunny day and that after a few hours there was a downpour.
- Write a paragraph in your journal when other people do something that confirms that they are worthy of your trust. For example, if your friend keeps a promise he made to you, write it down.
Step 4. Use positive self-affirmations
Victims of gaslighting may feel worthless, hopeful, or worse, due to the manipulation of another person. You can recover from this abuse by improving your self-esteem with positive self-affirmations.
- Write a list of your positives in your journal and use some of the words on the list when talking to yourself.
- Instead of considering yourself forgetful, crazy, stupid or painful, you should think, "I am a very worthy person. I have so many positive qualities and I can trust myself."
Step 5. Spend time on activities you enjoy
If you've been a victim of gaslighting, you probably haven't had a chance to do things that make you happy lately. Often, in such situations, you are only allowed to do what the other person wants. You may even have forgotten what you enjoy doing. To recover, commit to the activities you are passionate about.
- Spend at least five minutes a day on an activity that brings a smile to your face. For example, do karaoke in front of the mirror when you get ready in the morning.
- Commit to trying things you liked but haven't had a chance to do for some time. For example, if you enjoyed playing the piano, take a couple of lessons to find out if your passion is still alive.
Step 6. Promote your physical health
Gaslighting can lead you to neglect your health and well-being, because you are led to believe that they are not important. You will find that it is easier to recover from this abuse if you feel good, have a lot of energy and can concentrate. Find time to do activities that keep you healthy.
- Do physical activities like yoga, martial arts, or a simple daily walk.
- Eat nutritious meals and snacks every day so your body has the energy it needs to recover.
- Make sure you get enough rest. It will be easier to trust your common sense and start making decisions again when you are well rested, full of energy and able to focus.
Method 3 of 3: Create a Support Network
Step 1. Seek professional help
Recovering from gaslighting becomes much easier if you have a support team to assist you. A psychologist is a very important element of your team, because he can help you recover by giving you support and listening. It can also help you cope with the depression, anxiety, and stress you may feel as a result of the abuse.
- For example, if you've been gaslighted over the course of a long relationship, help from a professional can help you identify and address the effects of the abuse.
- Even if it was a short-lived relationship, adding a professional to your support network can help you learn strategies for dealing with the problem.
- Talk to a psychologist about your experience. You can ask your doctor, human resources representative, or school psychologist for a reference for a capable professional.
- If you suffer from anxiety, depressive symptoms, or have major problems managing the situation, a psychologist can tell you what treatments are available to you.
Step 2. Rely on relatives and friends
If you've been gaslighted, the abuser has probably tried to isolate you from other people in your life who care about you. He will have tried to convince you that he is the only person who knows what is best for you. To recover, rebuild relationships with your family, friends and other important people in your life and rely on them as part of your support network.
- Ask a loved one to spend time with you. You don't have to go anywhere or do anything in particular. Try saying, "Can we just spend some time together?"
- Accept invitations from friends and family when they ask you to accompany them somewhere.
- Start with short periods. For example, invite a friend for coffee or ice cream.
Step 3. Join a support group
One way to recover from gaslighting is to connect with people who have had similar experiences. Listening to their stories and how they managed to recover helps you find strategies and advice that you can apply in your situation. Being part of a support group can also allow you to increase self-esteem, thanks to positive interactions and the creation of new social relationships.
- Ask your community organizations dedicated to victims of domestic abuse, the leader of your religious community, or a mental health professional for suggestions on finding a support group in your area.
- Consider joining an online support group or forum if you are unable to attend in person.
