Gaslighting is a form of mental manipulation and abuse that can negatively impact children. It leads the little one to question their feelings, their beliefs and affects their self-esteem. Learn to understand the importance of avoiding behaviors that can deny, diminish, or cause a child's thoughts or emotions to be suppressed. Evaluate how you respond to your child's actions and words. Focus on developing an environment where it can grow better. Parenting can be stressful and overwhelming, so make sure you learn healthy ways to cope.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: React without Judging
Step 1. Don't belittle or deny your child's feelings or needs
Imagine that he comes to you, worried about something. Think about how you react. Do you ignore what he says, do you deny it or consider it to be something wrong or unimportant?
- For example, imagine that your child asks you about things he needs for school and that he already did it yesterday. If you said you were going to get them today, don't react by saying "I don't know what you're talking about". You would lead him to question what happened in the previous conversation and make him confused.
- Another example: your child has a fear that you think is irrational and you answer him "Are you frightened by such a small thing?". This may lead to him feeling more anxious and uncomfortable rather than reassuring him.
- Remember that what you say and your reactions have a big impact on your child's self-esteem and behavior. It is especially important to avoid criticizing him or making him feel ashamed of his emotions. If you do, you could lead to self-esteem and mental health issues in the future.
Step 2. Absolutely avoid viewing your child as too sensitive or weak
Maybe you think it's important that he learns to be tough and not sensitive. Maybe you think your family has been hard on you and that's the way it has to be. However, remember that children need comfort as well as discipline.
- Don't use phrases like "It's just that" or "Stop being so sensitive." Doing so would deny your child's feelings and make him feel helpless.
- Even if you believe that the best way to raise a child is hard love, it is important to find the right balance between discipline, affection and kindness. It is not enough to take care of your child's basic needs, such as room and board. Avoid neglecting her feelings and not being emotionally available.
- By giving your child emotional support and stability, you encourage them to trust you and others. In this way, they are more likely to behave with kindness and respect towards others.
Step 3. Focus on reinforcing your child's positive behaviors
It is important to encourage him and avoid criticizing him even when he is afraid of something. Make sure you help him find healthy ways to overcome his fears. Here are some things you can do to relieve her anxiety:
- Change the expectations you have of him. For example, if he doesn't like sports, you shouldn't expect him to one day become a great athlete.
- Help him bring out his strengths. For example, you may notice that he is very creative and look for ways to allow him to express his creativity on a regular basis.
- Allow them to learn how to solve their own problems, such as minor quarrels with friends.
- Help them develop healthy strategies for coping with their feelings, such as by talking about them or writing them in a journal.
Step 4. Don't expect your child to behave like an adult
Imagine visiting relatives for the holidays and wanting to bring your child. You and the rest of the family may have different expectations of how children should behave. Remember they don't have the maturity of adults, so make sure they have a chance to be kids.
- Remember that children get tired, irritable and bored more than adults. They may not be able to sit quietly or endure long car journeys.
- When they are upset, try to take care of the most common needs: hunger, anger, loneliness or fatigue. Avoid saying, "Calm down and stop acting like this." Pay attention to the possible reasons for their behavior.
Step 5. React with understanding and not anger
Always try to be patient with your child. Even if you get angry at him from time to time, note how often this happens and under what circumstances.
- When you are upset and unable to control your anger, step back for a minute and breathe deeply. This can help you calm your mind before reacting. Try to become aware of your emotions and avoid losing control. If you notice that you are stressed, take a few minutes to relax.
- You should be willing to apologize. Babies aren't perfect, just like parents, and that's normal. If you responded in an angry way, apologize and make sure your child understands that anger is not the solution to the problems.
Step 6. Acknowledge and respect his feelings, even if you don't do what he wants
It helps to accept, identify, and talk about how your child is feeling. You can also value his feelings by continuing to impose the rules.
- For example: "I know you're angry that we left the park. It's not nice to come home when you want to stay and play. It's getting late though, so we have to go and make dinner. You prefer French fries or baked chicken with chicken. ? ".
- Or: "I know you want to keep playing on the PlayStation, because it's fun. Being in front of the screen too much, however, hurts you and you are already over the two hour limit, so it's time to disconnect. If you don't know what to do, I can suggest something., otherwise you can fold the laundry with me ".
Step 7. If you don't understand something, still show empathy
In some cases, your child may be upset, but you don't see why. Instead of considering him whimsical or temperamental, do your best to understand why he is not happy. Offer your compassion and reassure him, even if you have no idea what the problem is.
- Try asking him: "You are sulking and kicking the ground. Something wrong?", "I see you sad down there. How come?".
- Young children and those with mental problems may have particular difficulties communicating their problems, or may feel upset about things that would not bother you. Be patient and do your best to understand them.
Part 2 of 3: Creating an Educational Environment
Step 1. Avoid conveying ambiguous emotional messages
Your child needs consistency and stability. Don't shower him with affection for a minute just to make him feel like the worst child in the world after a few moments. You might lead him to wonder who he really is and to think that there is something wrong with him.
- Consider your emotions. Do you sometimes find yourself losing control? Make sure you get help if you feel that your most common reactions are dictated by anger or negativity.
- Children probably don't understand what's wrong or what's troubling you, especially if they're under the age of 12. They do not yet have the necessary emotional maturity to understand ambiguous messages.
- Try to offer a stable environment for your child and avoid negativity as much as possible. If the environment in which he lives is often bad, he may blame himself for the situation and have serious problems in the future.
Step 2. Help your child have higher self-esteem
If you are feeling down or sad, it can be difficult to encourage others and make them feel more confident. However, children rely on parental guidance to believe in themselves. Find time every day to make your child feel special.
- Make a commitment to say one positive thing to your child every day to boost their self-esteem.
- Hug your child. Make him feel protected. He will have more confidence in his own means if he feels safe and protected by you.
Step 3. Become a role model for your child
He admires you and will likely learn from you and the other adults he knows how to behave. Teach them to respect others by doing it yourself.
- Think about how you would like to be treated. Prove it with actions as often as possible. If your child is with you, remember that he always observes how you behave. For example, smile and say hello to people you meet in public or in shops. Show your more polite and kind side.
- Teach him that everyone is wrong. Children are not very mature or understanding and often take things literally. Avoid saying, "I can't believe you spilled the milk again. You never learn anything." This may lead him to believe that he really has a learning problem. Remember that your child absorbs everything you say like a sponge, so it is very important to pay attention to how you speak.
- Let him know that he can share his concerns with you. Try to let your child know that you are happy when he talks to you and not make him feel anxious when he has to communicate with you. For example, show your involvement in conversations with him. Show him that you are interested and actively listening. By avoiding distractions and staying focused, you will earn their trust.
Step 4. Take the time to listen to it well
Show interest in what he says and be very careful when he talks (even when it comes to nonsense). This way you make it clear to your child that you take their opinion seriously, even when you disagree with them.
Step 5. Avoid feeling resentful or frustrated with your child's behavior
While it's not easy, it's important to try to be very patient. Children seek comfort from their parents and may feel disillusioned when they react with annoyance or anger.
- The parent-child relationship is unbalanced by definition. Children need you to survive, to feel safe and loved. If you say or do things to manipulate the relationship in your favor, you will find that they are very vulnerable to this form of control.
- For example, imagine your child is upset about having to attend a public event. You have a feeling that you will be late because of his anxious behavior. Avoid saying, "I don't know why you're so anxious. I'd be happy to go. You'll make us late, so please hurry."
- Instead, remember to identify and acknowledge her feelings. For example: "Why are you so upset?" or "I know you feel anxious. I feel that way too sometimes. What can I do to help you?". Teach your child to normalize their feelings so that they learn to accept negative emotions instead of repressing them.
- Make sure you provide support and reassurance, even if you are feeling impatient.
Step 6. Reassure your child instead of making him doubt himself
If he doesn't feel good enough or thinks he is always wrong, he will likely have low self-esteem and difficulties in relationships with others. Help them develop their social skills by giving them love, support and security.
- Encourage and praise him. Make a commitment to make him feel proud of what he does, instead of focusing only on his mistakes. Try saying, "I know it's been a tough day, but I believe in you" or "I know you can do it. You were great before."
- When your child feels confused or starts doubting what you say, apologize. Instead of telling him that he is wrong or that he has misunderstood you, you can say, "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding" or "I don't think we understand each other. It's not a problem."
Part 3 of 3: Finding Healthy Methods to Relieve Stress
Step 1. Be aware of your needs that are not being met
Being a parent isn't easy. In some cases, you may feel overwhelmed and frustrated. One of the best ways to avoid being stressed by your child is to take care of your emotional needs.
- Do you feel loved and appreciated, or hurt, neglected and disrespected? If you are not happy with your situation, it will be more difficult to guide your child.
- Try to understand the effect your work, family, and emotional situation has on your health and well-being. Think about whether you have been feeling troubled for a long time or just recently.
- By knowing your situation well, you will be able to avoid manipulating your child.
Step 2. Seek help from friends, family and your community
Avoid thinking only about parenting to the point of exhausting all your energy. Ask friends, family, babysitters or other people for help when you need to spend some time alone, away from your children.
- When you have a chance to be alone, use those moments to relax instead of solving other problems. Exercise, go out with friends, rest; do everything that helps you feel regenerated.
- Consider organizing regular outings with your partner or wife, without children.
- For four hours a week, put aside the responsibility of being a parent. Try to find fixed times for these "mini-holidays", so that you don't have to constantly change your plans.
Step 3. Get help from a professional
This advice is especially important for single parents. You don't have to go through life as a parent alone or take care of a child who misbehaves at times without anyone's help. Get in touch with professionals at school or in doctors' offices. They may know strategies that can make your life easier, or advise you where to find them.
- Consider meeting with your child's school psychologist and ask where you can find more information about the parent's role. Talk openly about worries about your child and the stress you face.
- Find psychologists who specialize in helping families and children. You may find low-cost therapy sessions in your area that can help you and your child communicate with each other more effectively. In some cases, treatments may even be free.
Step 4. Focus on the best parts of the relationship with your child
In some cases you will make mistakes; it is normal and acceptable. Just remember that you are doing your best and that we all make mistakes. A small mistake in your child's upbringing will not lead to emotional trauma for the rest of his life. The important thing is to recognize mistakes and understand how to correct them. Keep learning from mistakes, recognizing your flaws, and doing your best.
