A good friend listens to you, cares about you and respects you. Anyone who treats you badly is definitely not a friend. It is important to avoid bad friends, even if it is difficult in some cases. People like this don't help you feel good.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Recognizing the Types of Bad Friends
Step 1. Consider how the person makes you feel
A good friend should never make you feel bad. He should respect and support you in all situations. If you're not comfortable with someone, it's probably a bad friend.
- Think about how he treats you for a while. Does he make jokes about you that hurt you? Does he listen to you when you tell him your problems? Ask yourself questions about their behavior towards you and evaluate the answers.
- You shouldn't feel worried about your appearance or personality in the company of a good friend. You should feel like you can be yourself, without running the risk of being teased or mocked. A good friend encourages and supports you, regardless of everything.
Step 2. Determine if your friend is a bad influence
Do you often find yourself doing things you regret when you are with him? Some friends bring out the worst sides of your personality. The people you hang out with help shape your behavior, so if you often find yourself with bad guys doing wrong things, you will also happen to do the same.
- Consider if you feel more excited after meeting your friend or if you are feeling down. It is not easy to understand, because so many factors influence your mood. Either way, try to notice if some situations repeat themselves and evaluate the effect that person has on your mood.
- Think about the latest decisions you made in the company of your friend. Ask yourself what choices you made and if they were good or bad. Consider whether you've been pressured to behave a certain way.
Step 3. Consider if you fight too much
There's nothing wrong with arguing with a friend from time to time, it happens in all relationships. However, if you're always arguing with someone, that's not a good sign. Such a situation would have a very negative effect on your mood and make you feel bad.
- Pay attention to how you spend time with your friend. Do you notice that arguments and bickering are recurring? Try to count how many arguments you have had lately and their severity. Some arguments can be simple disagreements that aren't worth remembering, while other episodes can indicate that you have a bad friend.
- Consider whether your friend is mean or spiteful in discussions. All friends argue from time to time. The most important aspect is how one behaves on these occasions. If a person always says bad and hurtful things, that's not a good sign.
Step 4. Notice if your friend always hits you
It is not pleasant when a person always cancels plans with you at the last minute. This can hurt you, especially if you are always the one forced to change plans.
Pay attention to how many times you fail to meet your friend after organizing something. Ask yourself if it was his or your responsibility. Also, note whether his justifications are legitimate or not. Count how many times he knocked you out and look for repeating patterns of behavior
Step 5. Find out if your friend is self-centered
Such a person will not be able to truly be your friend. Whenever you have a problem, he will find a way to turn the situation around him. We need friends who help us in times of difficulty and who do not use our suffering as an opportunity to talk about their problems. Ask yourself a few questions to gauge whether a friend is self-centered.
- Does it make you feel invisible or worthless?
- Does he quickly lose interest in what you are saying, even if you are talking about a serious problem?
- Does it always bring the center of the discussion back to itself?
Step 6. Find out if a friend is talking about you behind your back
It is terrible to learn that a loved one is gossiping about you. This is a serious breach of your trust. Either way, it's important not to jump to conclusions until you know for sure it's doing it in a negative way.
- Watch your friend's behavior when you see them with other people. This can help you a lot in figuring out if he is a good person or a bad person. See if he changes his attitude. He may seem embarrassed, not wanting to talk to you, or teasing you. These signs reveal that he is a bad friend.
- Ask someone you trust if they've heard negative things about you from your friend. Follow this advice only if you really trust the person. If not, you could be playing your bad friend's game.
- Go directly to your friend if you feel comfortable doing so. Be prepared for a fight, as some people would never admit to being bad. Write a list of things you want to talk about. For example, you can make specific references to their misbehavior towards you and suggest what they should do and how they should treat you.
- Avoid talking behind your friend's back. Don't be a bad person too. This would only make the situation worse and would not make you feel good, especially if you are trying to avoid a bad friend.
Part 2 of 3: Making sure to avoid bad friends
Step 1. Get away from your friend
It is not easy to distance yourself from a person with whom you are used to spending a lot of time, but it is important to reduce the frequency of your relationships. This is the only way to grow and find healthier friendships.
- Don't announce your plan to walk away. Your friend would probably try to change your mind if you explained your intentions. Instead, start making decisions on your own, without saying anything.
- Reduce the chance of interactions. To do this, it may be enough to change your routine. For example, leave to go to work or school at a different time, or go home by a different route. Also avoid places your friend goes to most often. Go there at times when you know you won't find it or just don't.
- Find new interests. This step isn't easy, because it's possible that you and the bad person have become friends because you share similar interests. Nonetheless, you should ask yourself if there aren't other things you can do and if there are any passions you haven't explored yet.
- Be prepared for a possible confrontation. Your friend may decide to address the problem even if you have not made clear your decision to distance yourself from him. He may notice that you have started doing new things and wondering why. If you prefer to avoid the fight, you can hide the truth.
Step 2. Set up stakes
An important step for your health is to impose emotional and physical limits that friends shouldn't cross. This helps you not to risk suffering. Think about what attitudes you are unwilling to accept from other people. A good friend will respect the rules and won't make you feel guilty for making them.
- Decide which limits are most important to you. These can be physical or emotional stakes. In some cases, a person can invade your space or ask questions that make you uncomfortable. Decide what behaviors you are unwilling to accept.
- See if you feel any discomfort. You will immediately notice when a person crosses the limit. Listen to your gut, which always knows what's right or wrong for you.
- Say it right away if you feel your friend has crossed the line. Don't be afraid to explain to someone that they are invading your physical or emotional space. It is important for the other person to understand that he was wrong, so that he can change his attitude and apologize. Even good friends can break the rules of a relationship, but they will never fail to respect your needs.
- Be polite but firm. You don't have to apologize for the limitations you impose. Just explain to the person how you feel and how they should behave. If she is a good friend, she will listen to you.
Step 3. Stop contacting your friend on social media
A great tip to avoid a bad friend, but difficult to put into practice, is to block them on social networks. This will limit your relationships and prevent him from seeing things he could use against you.
- Log into your social media profiles and restrict access to your friend or delete them from friends altogether.
- Be prepared for confrontation, as this gesture angers most people. If you decide to answer, act with maturity. Don't end up in a fight where you behave the same way as the person you're trying to avoid.
Part 3 of 3: Finding New Friends
Step 1. Immerse yourself in new situations
The only way to avoid bad friends and find new ones is to change scenery. People have a tendency to develop relationships based on closeness. This means that the more often you meet someone, the more likely you are to become friends.
- Join a club, group or team. A great way to meet new people is to participate in some activity. Join a team or organization your bad friend isn't already involved with. Start interacting with your new mates and try to make friends.
- Volunteer. This is a great way to meet new friends, as most people in this business are selfless to some degree. Make an effort to talk to everyone you meet while volunteering, because you never know when you will be in front of a new friend.
Step 2. Invite a person you rarely see to do something with you
You probably know more people than you think. Consider developing a friendship with someone you don't have a close relationship with. You may be surprised at the bonds you can create just by talking to new people.
Be proactive. It takes effort to find new friends. Leave the house, take a walk or go to the mall. Visit places where you can meet new people and try to make conversation with them. This may seem difficult, particularly if you are shy, but remember that you shouldn't put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Only go to the places you want to go and only talk to people if you feel like it
Step 3. Look for positive traits in people
You may have noticed that a friend you considered good is actually bad. Don't worry, it happens to everyone. A good friend listens to you, doesn't judge you negatively and makes you feel comfortable when you are completely yourself. Ask yourself the following questions when looking for a good friend:
- How do I feel after we spend time together?
- Can I be myself without feeling uncomfortable in his company?
- Does this person make me feel safe?
- Does this person support me?
- Does he treat me with respect?
- Do you listen to me?
Advice
- Talk to a friend, adult, or person with authority if a bad friend is also a bully. Nobody has the right to intimidate or bully you. You don't have to change your behavior, your personality, or what you do for someone else.
- Don't feel discouraged if it takes time to find new friends.
- If things get out of hand, talk to someone wiser than you. Ignore the bad friend, even if it's hard. You will understand that you can live without him. If you can't avoid it, try rebuilding your relationship from scratch.
