Sometimes friendship is confusing - you can't be totally sure of a friend's loyalty, sincerity, and support. If you have any inkling that your friendship isn't that great, it might be time to find out if she's really right for you and if it's worth fighting for.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Identifying Hostile Traits
Step 1. Find out if it's opportunistic
That is, if it is a person who exploits you because you have a car, you live alone, you have a lot of money or a holiday home. Or it could do it to get closer to your friends, your partner, your siblings. This type of person will crack everything, even beauty and intimate hygiene products. When you confront her she will be angry. And he will never respect you or what belongs to you.
- Loans can become a problem. These people take and never give back. Clothes, property, whatever. And if they do, the thing is damaged. They can also let so many other people use your stuff.
- They can ask for a favor without returning it never.
- See if they pay you more attention when you let them know you have something new (clothes, furniture, or maybe other friends too).
Step 2. Beware of the self-centered
These people follow the mantra "I count only". They always talk about themselves. They don't care about you, they don't care, they don't want to know how you are, etc. You will notice that they brag a lot about themselves, about what they own, about their partner, about their upcoming wedding or about a vacation; they always find ways to look better than you.
This type of character always seems to have an opinion on everything. An opinion is what you think of something. It is a judgment, an evaluation. The self-centered has no theory of mind, does not know how to "put himself in the shoes of others" and believes that everyone sees it as he does (or that his judgment is superior to that of others). This tendency is usually predominant in young people. They are unable to separate what they believe and think from the ideas of others
Step 3. Stay away from victims who exude "compassion"
They are people who turn to you when they have a problem to ask for advice and let you guess, in no uncertain terms, what difficulties they are going through (often magnifying the proportions). But when you're the one who needs advice or to let off steam, they're pretty quick. If you spend two hours or more trying to make them feel better and there's only five minutes left for you, that's not fair. You're not a therapist, so don't let them vent at your expense.
- This type of person can get angry with you if you accidentally argue. It would only happen because he would not be able to accept your point of view.
- Pay attention to how they tell the stories. They will often start with an opening like "Oh my God …" and "I can't believe this …". So they will often say things like "You can't understand what I'm going through …". They need attention and will always do everything to always have it on them.
Step 4. Detach from the clingy
This type of person does not know how to share you with others. When she sees you with someone else she is jealous because she wants you all to herself. This attitude is based on a strange hierarchy that cuts you off when the person sticks to someone more important: for example, they will hardly consider you to go to a movie if they have a partner, as their half becomes the center of their partner. universe. And by spending a lot of time with the other person, only when the other half is busy will they come to you. This is a sure sign that the person cannot be alone and that they need a babysitter. Rest assured this friend will dump you as soon as his partner shows up.
Step 5. Forget the simulator
The fake smiles at you, but when he is with others he verbally denigrates you. He could take drugs but deny it. He may make promises he will never keep. It will always keep you in suspense. He'll come up with excuses to justify not calling you.
Step 6. Avoid the snob
A snobbish person does not recognize the validity of your culture or ethnicity. This friend considers you something different and thinks it's okay to insult your origins by using inappropriate words while knowing they will offend you. He doesn't know how to accept you for who you are.
Step 7. Get rid of the spy
Nobody wants someone to control their stuff. As far as you know, this so-called friend may be working for another who wants information about you. He may be using spying techniques because he is jealous or to teach you a lesson. Maybe he wants to get closer to your network of friends and acquaintances. He doesn't really care, so try to cut it out as soon as you discover his slimy game.
- You may find that these people always need everything. For example, you are talking to another friend while this person is not present, but he will come up out of the blue asking what you are talking about. Maybe it's just a coincidence, don't be paranoid. He might just be a "close friend", but a spy can go further and will, very often trying to eavesdrop on conversations, read emails, borrowing your cell phone to read you text messages you exchange with others.
- Spies often lie. They can do it on name, age, and so on.
- Watch out for nosy people. They could blackmail or bully you.
- If you feel intimidated or threatened, tell someone in authority or someone older than you that you trust.
Step 8. Don't care who ignores you
This kind of "friend" is literally infuriating. When you go out with him and others, he will be the one who talks to you and starts socializing with your friends. When you go out with him and his friends, he will ignore you and "forget" to introduce you. Whenever you try to initiate a dialogue he will not pay you a glance, continuing to talk to others. This is a sign of insecurity masked by coldness; it is incorrect and not acceptable.
Step 9. Beware of the intruder
This type of person takes and exploits your ideas, your intellectual knowledge, interferes with your study contacts, your professional ones, in your conversations with others and becomes friends with all the people you talk to, using you as a ladder to get to where you go. you, not having your own way. This subspecies of friend is looking for a promotion or has been promoted behind the backs of more talented colleagues, manipulating or making out at the expense of others, including you.
If you say you want to compliment someone on their shoes, they'll beat you on time by acting like it's their idea. If you point out that a person is ideal for a certain job, he will try to undermine them to apply for him. If you work with such a person, he will take credit for your ideas, communicate them to the boss and pass them off as his own. If you are in class together, he will go straight to the teacher with whatever brilliant insight you may have had and pretend it was his
Step 10. Avoid the queen bee
It is a dominating typology. This person does not tolerate opinions other than his own. She will only accept you think like her. Some people behave this way because they are insecure, others are just stupid with the need for domination. The worst thing about this category is that queen bees often exploit friends, pitting each other against each other just for the sake of making them drift. They are despicable and deadly, so stay away from them.
Part 2 of 2: Finding a Way Out
Step 1. Decide if this friendship is still worth cultivating
If you have a "bad friend" who drains your energy, patience and resources on a regular basis, it would be best not to consider him in your close circle anymore.
Decide if this person can remain among the acquaintances. It depends on the context; if you need to continue working by his side or if you see him at family reunions then keep a calm and detached attitude. If the person has no formal ties to you, then you can completely sever the ties
Step 2. Truncate the contacts
If you are always the first to call and are tired of missing answers, stop contacting him. If this person is a true friend, then after not hearing from you for a while they will show up and it only takes a couple of minutes for a text, email or phone call. If you don't feel it anymore, you can start spending more time with friends who really care about you.
Step 3. Tell your friend it's over when the time seems right
If you can't keep your distance and refuse her invitations, you should be honest about ending the friendship. The best way to cut it down is to confront your friend face to face or over the phone, clearly explaining that you don't feel able to continue being close to him for these reasons.
- Avoid using reprimand phrases. While they don't go so far as to say things like "it's not you, it's me", you will have to clarify the situation for yourself and for your peace of mind. Avoid insults and don't blame him for what you feel.
- Remind this person that they have other friends anyway.
Advice
- This article is not intended to let you download friends who have changed over time. Let your friendship evolve and change naturally - it matters. This flexible approach allows friends to be unique and individual and to enjoy this friendship in those respects. The problem arises when the friendship is one-sided and you feel exploited.
- The true friend must always be there for you.
- Try to understand how your friends behave if and when you have small fights. If they are angry but still want to be your friend, then they love you. If, on the other hand, they tend to put an end to your relationship because they feel you don't deliver what they expect, they are not true friends.
- Set limits. Consider how you feel when you are separated from the person in question. This way you can reflect and understand if he is a good friend to you.
- Sometimes friends are clingy because they don't have many or because they see you as a brother.
- Forget those who behave in a hypocritical way or do nothing but demand something from you. He considers you an object to possess rather than a person.
- Do not forget that "the true friend is seen in times of need".
- Quote Doctor Seuss: be who you are and say what you think, because those who care about you will have no problems, and those who do, do not care about you.
- If your friend changes for the worse (at first he cares, but then ignores you) then distance yourself. That way you can rejoin if it changes for the better or break up if it gets worse.
Warnings
- You must have the strength to end the friendship if you cannot reach a fair deal. A friend who bullies you is not a friend. A true friend knows how to recognize the problem and can give his own contribution to solve it.
- Remember that opportunists first pretend friendship, then use you, then dump you.
- Don't expect too much and don't set too many rules. It would mean trapping others in your dimension.
