Sometimes, security starts to feel like a good thing. If you're tired of just having casual affairs or want to turn a good relationship into a serious commitment, you may want to know how to make it work. You can learn to recognize whether or not you are ready for a lasting relationship, how to keep it going and keep it as fresh as the first day. Read on to learn more.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Testing the Relationship
Step 1. Start a casual relationship first
If you are single and want to find a partner, it is important not to rush things. It can take a while to be able to meet people, even more so if it's about meeting the right person to start a lasting relationship with, so it's important to take things calmly at first and let them slowly follow. own course. This works differently for each relationship, so be sure to stick to your own pace.
- It is generally not a good idea to talk about topics such as marriage and children immediately at the beginning of the relationship, as soon as you start dating someone who interests you. For some people, especially couples who have been together for a while, this may be fine, but it's never the best way to get to know someone.
- In the first few days, weeks and months of a relationship, your goal should not be to "settle down", but simply to get to know the real person you are dating. For this reason, it is highly recommended to keep conversations well away from these topics, at least for a few months.
Step 2. Ask friends and family how they view your relationship
It is known that love is often blind and can make us ignore the obvious defects of potential partners in the long run, while friends and family can notice them more easily by observing the relationship from the outside. It can be helpful to get a second opinion from friends and loved ones you trust.
- Introduce your partner to friends and family after a couple of months and wait a bit before asking what they think. If everyone makes considerations about how happy you seem together, how much you look better since you have been with him / her, and insist on other similar compliments, take that as a good sign.
- But remember that it's about your relationship and these decisions are ultimately up to you alone. If your friends don't like your partner, it doesn't necessarily mean you are incompatible, as long as you are happy with him / her.
Step 3. Talk about your desires as a couple once the relationship has built up
If you are in a relationship with someone and are considering committing to a lasting relationship, it is important to first clarify with your partner whether he is interested, as well as all other aspects of the relationship. There are many different types of relationships and expectations about what a relationship means, as well as what it means to commit to a life as a couple; the best way to understand how your partner feels and how they feel is to ask them.
- Ask him a simple question to understand how he feels, how he experiences the relationship, and how he feels he is progressing. Be prepared for the possibility of hearing various responses.
- What does a "long-term" relationship mean for the partner? A couple of months? Until the first fight? Or get to marriage? And have children?
- Think of possible scenarios that will help you analyze your commitment. What happens if your partner gets a job across the country? Will you go too? Under what circumstances could you break the relationship?
Step 4. Share your personal life goals with your partner
What do you want from life? Where would you like to be in ten years? What kind of career do you imagine for yourself? These topics help you understand what the relationship will be like in the long run or if they will make compatibility with your partner a more complicated matter.
- Recognize any incompatibilities immediately. If you'd like to travel a lot in the next couple of years but your partner doesn't, this is a topic you need to talk about. Relationships that force one of you to do things they don't want to do aren't healthy.
- There is a substantial difference between being ready for a lasting relationship and being ready with this specific person. Many times it is thought that a stable life as a couple sounds like a beautiful, safe and interesting thing, but is it the right thing with this person? Right now? This is something to think about and talk about with your partner.
Step 5. Try a trip together
A good quick way to find out if your relationship has the potential to be successful is to plan a trip together. Travel can be stressful, tiring and will force you to spend a lot of time together on one occasion; therefore it is a great way to understand if the relationship is able to hold up even in demanding and stressful situations. On these occasions, your partner could probably show their worst side. Will you still like it?
You don't necessarily have to take a long, expensive trip abroad to understand this. Plan a weekend camping trip to see how it goes, or take a short weekend drive to visit one of your family's
Step 6. Try to live together when the right time comes
If you feel like your partner might be "the one," then know that for many couples it is a good idea to try living together for a while before committing to a marriage or a longer lasting relationship. Just like travel, life together also helps to see all aspects of the partner's character and get to know him even when he is tired, grumpy, drunk and other aspects of his not exactly the best. If you can love your partner even when they have the flu, there is something really special between you.
In other circumstances, for some couples, keeping separate spaces is one of the secrets to preserving the relationship over time. In fact, it is very important to also be able to conserve your own spaces. Nowhere is it written that living together is a fundamental requirement of a good relationship
Step 7. Try getting a pet before you decide to become a parent
Some couples make the mistake of thinking that having a child can help revive a relationship that is deteriorating: this is a serious mistake. And at the same time, just because you might be ready to have a baby doesn't necessarily mean it's okay for you to have him with this person right now. Do you want to understand what parent you might be with a potential partner? Try getting a pet first.
- Even a small, undemanding animal, such as a bird, a hamster, or a rabbit, can make you realize how much your partner is willing to put in the effort to take care of another life and welcome another member into the couple. Are you willing to take on the commitment and love it selflessly?
- In some cases, deciding to get a pet, if you don't have a sufficiently stable situation, can be an irresponsible and foolish choice. Don't take it if you don't have the time and resources to devote to it.
Part 2 of 3: Strengthening a Lasting Relationship
Step 1. Engage with your partner
If, after testing your relationship, you think there is a good chance of creating a stable relationship, it may be time to commit to something serious. When you are ready, let your partner know that you really want to commit to the relationship and that you are willing to do your best to keep it healthy. Every relationship is different, of course, so talk to your partner about it.
- The commitment could be something simple, like deciding to establish an "exclusive" or more serious relationship, like getting engaged, depending on what you discussed with your partner. But the commitment and the choice to work on the relationship and compromise to dedicate yourself to this relationship is an important step.
- In general, it is understood that a long-term relationship means not dating other people, although this is not entirely true in every relationship. Don't take anything for granted. The key thing is always to discuss it in two.
Step 2. Be honest with your partner
One of the most important aspects in a relationship that wants to be lasting is honesty. If you want to make a serious commitment to a person, the first thing you owe them is at least honesty about what you want from the relationship and your happiness. If you are frustrated about something, share the problem with your partner and listen to what he or she has to say as well.
- The other side of honesty is being a good listener. It is important to be there for the partner and to be willing to listen to him when he wants to confide. Make yourself available.
- As mentioned earlier, the term "honesty" can take on different meanings for each couple. Is it really necessary to openly confide all the details of your love past if you think this could jeopardize your relationship? Only you can answer this question. If that prevents you from being happy, talk about it. If not, consider keeping it to yourself.
Step 3. Engage in times of trouble
One of the differences between short flirts and lasting relationships is precisely in wanting to clarify and put an end to couple quarrels. An argument doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over. It just means that you have clashed over an issue that you can however address and overcome or find a fair compromise with this potential obstacle to your happiness together with your partner. Either way, discussions are important in learning to deal with and overcome disputes.
- Address problems as they arise. The worst thing that can happen is to ignore the warning signs, when they arise, to try to keep the relationship in balance. It is essential to know how to address issues as soon as possible.
- It is important to recognize the difference between the typical small arguments that can happen and that are easily cleared up, with the serious problems that cannot be solved. If you tend to fight over who washes the dishes, that's one thing, but if your partner constantly criticizes you or makes you feel inferior after an argument over the dishes, that's another matter.
Step 4. Find mutual friends
This is a typical feature: your friend has started a long-lasting relationship and now you don't see him anymore. The longer a relationship becomes, the more difficult it is to find the time to be in the company of friends and have a social life, in addition to the commitment necessary to keep the relationship alive. To make things easier, try to do both at the same time. Find mutual friends to spend time with as a couple.
- Try to avoid situations where you only spend free time with your partner's group of friends. If he has a lot of friends, that's fine, but try to make new friends together. If your relationship breaks down one day, you will feel like you've lost all your friends as well.
- Find other couples you enjoy hanging out with, as well as single friends who you enjoy being with.
Step 5. Set common goals
If you have found that your life goals are similar to those of your partner, start defining common goals for both of you and your relationship. What is your ultimate ambition for your relationship and for yourself? Where would you like to be next year? Where do you hope to be in the next five years? Try to understand what you need to develop and improve your relationship and your life together more and more.
- In the early stages, this could include things like saving money together, finishing school, securing a career, and other initiatives to try and make your relationship more stable and peaceful.
- In the later stages, the goal could be marriage and having children, start investing money and other family-oriented goals.
Part 3 of 3: Keeping Love Alive
Step 1. Never forget to tell your partner that you love them
Seems obvious, right? Instead, if you really love him, it's important to remind him and tell him every now and then. It is essential that a growing relationship that wants to become lasting is based on love and trust, and it is necessary that your actions and your words affirm this. Say these three words!
Step 2. Share moments together
While it may seem obvious, it is important for couples in a stable relationship to prioritize the relationship, taking the time, as well as moments with friends and family, to do things together. The longer the relationship becomes, the more difficult it can be. Make an effort and commit.
- You don't have to do expensive things or arrange exotic dates to keep the relationship fresh. It's great to go out for dinner and see a movie, but it's just as exciting to go on outings together, give each other massages, or spend a night playing together. The time you spend on joint activities is always well spent.
- While it may seem unromantic, in a lasting relationship it can sometimes be necessary to schedule time to do things with your partner, to find some intimacy between you and to keep your emotional bond alive. Organize evenings just for you every week or a few weekends during the month.
Step 3. Be good, generous, and willing to put yourself out there
The columnist and author Dan Savage coined the English term "GGG" to indicate the three basic qualities for establishing a good lasting relationship between two people: Good (good), Giving (generous) and Game (willing to get involved).
- Being good means acting in the best way possible with the good of your partner at heart. You have to be good for the partner at all times.
- Being generous means doing that “little extra” to make your partner happy. Give him a part of yourself by sharing your interests and your life with him. Be selfless when you are with him.
- Being "playful" also means being positive for things that may not normally arouse particular enthusiasm. It's easy to have no initiative, imagination, or enthusiasm for something you're inexperienced or uninterested in, but if it makes your partner happy, try to get involved. It could be fun.
Step 4. Let the relationship be spontaneous
When the relationship becomes lasting it is easy for it to become predictable very quickly. You work or go to school, you get home, you see the same friends, you always go to the same places, you watch the same shows. This can get boring over time, and boredom can spoil the relationship. Strive to keep things spontaneous.
- You may already know each other well, but that doesn't mean you don't have to keep dating. Find time to go out and have fun together. Keep the relationship fun and great!
- Surprise your partner from time to time by organizing special activities without their knowledge. Even simple things, like cooking dinner or cleaning the kitchen without being asked, can be important. It's the little things that make the difference.
Step 5. Spend some time managing your own activities
As important as it is to keep your relationship active and alive, it's also important to set aside time just for yourself, hang out with friends, and engage in your interests and passions. You don't always have to involve your partner in everything you do.
- Take some space for yourself, especially if you live together. Even if it's just a desk or bedside table, it's important to have some space to yourself.
- Make sure you have friends of your own and make plans with them independently. If your partner doesn't like you hanging out with your friends every now and then, this is an issue that needs to be discussed. In the couple, both have the right to have their friends and spend time with them.
Advice
- Make sure you are with someone you really love. Don't tell yourself that you will be with this person forever just because you like their eyes or the look of their toned abs. If the only thing you have in common is a love of cheese, perhaps you should seriously think about looking for someone you can imagine by your side forever.
- Communication is the key aspect. Although there may be misunderstandings and nervousness at first, all of this is part of the game. Over time, however, it becomes necessary to be totally honest with your partner and let them know how you feel.
- Don't be offended if he disagrees with you about something. If they don't like the place you have chosen to go for dinner, look for one that suits both of you, even if this might bother you a bit.
- If you think your partner is cheating on you, don't immediately jump to conclusions. Look for signs, like a hickey you didn't give him, see if he stays in the office (or school) late, and so on. In this case, don't start with a scene right away, but calmly confront yourself, saying something like: "I noticed you have a hickey (or whatever), would you like to explain to me how it happened?"
- If your partner doesn't often show you how much he loves you, don't be offended. Maybe he's going through a few difficult days or maybe a few weeks or even months. It is always better to be supportive than to walk away.
- You could spend a lot of time just being friends before starting a relationship.
