Are you in a relationship that you need to hide from your parents? Does your mother and father make absurd speeches, verbally assault you, or are they just a little too traditional? If you want to keep an affair with someone a secret because you're too young or your parents wouldn't approve of it because of their values, it can be hard to hide it. While there is a risk of losing their trust if they ever find out, you shouldn't get into trouble or go against your principles. Communication, honesty and trust are essential elements in any relationship, but sometimes it is necessary not to be totally honest for your physical and mental well-being.
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Evaluating Reasons to Keep It Hidden
Step 1. Assess your priorities
Decide if it's actually a good idea to hide this relationship from your parents. Do they disapprove of him because they are strict, protective or worried? Are culture, religion or age difference factors that play a decisive role in their criticisms? Despite having multiple years of life experience on their side, only you know how important this relationship is.
- Talk to your friends and seek support. Remember that if you keep your relationship a secret, the more serious the potential problems will be once it comes to light. Surround yourself with people to help you go in the right direction.
- If you think the relationship is still not serious enough and you don't want your parents to give it too much importance, some of these suggestions may seem overwhelming. Consider how they would feel if they knew you have this exaggerated need for secrecy; they may feel disappointed and wonder why you don't trust them.
- Prevent the risks if you really intend to proceed. Think for example what you would do if your parents noticed, think what you would do if your parents knew that you have a secret social media account or a hidden cell phone that you use to communicate with your partner, think about what you would do if this story went wrong, think about what would happen if you broke up, etc. Consider whether you can afford these risks or consequences. If they do, it's best to be honest. Once discovered, further lies would only create greater problems, damaging the relationship with your parents. As for the problems that can be created within your secret relationship, you will need to be very strong mentally and physically to overcome them without the help of your family members.
Step 2. Communicate with your partner
If you intend to continue your relationship even though you know your parents will object, explain to the person you are with why you think this is the right course of action. If you don't make your position clear, he may feel unimportant and resentful. The longer you hide it, the more difficulties you will encounter.
- If your partner has been through this before, they may help you reflect by offering valid arguments. For example, just because it's your first relationship with someone of a different ethnicity, maybe it's not the first time for them. He may give you practical advice to help you understand your parents' point of view and, most importantly, relieve stress with his support.
- Also, he may misunderstand the situation. Some expect to be introduced to the family at the beginning of a serious relationship, others agree to wait, and still others prefer to postpone the introduction much later.
Step 3. Consider the opinion of your parents
You will likely struggle to hear a negative opinion about the person you care about, but sometimes parents have a better perception of the consequences that could occur over time. Depending on the dynamics that characterize your relationship with them, they are likely to have a hard time expressing their disapproval.
Relationships with parents can be complicated. It may not be that easy for you to open up and be honest, but try to have respect for them so that the situation does not degenerate. For example, while you think it's best to hide what you're feeling, you may actually end up taking passive-aggressive or irritating attitudes
Step 4. Remember that all healthy relationships are built on trust, respect and communication
Whether you are looking to solidify the bond with your partner or maintain the relationship with your parents, trust and respect must be there for the relationship to last. If you're going to hide your story, ask yourself why sacrificing your parents' trust is the only solution. We must not give up physical and emotional well-being for anyone, neither for parents nor for the partner.
Would your parents attack you physically or verbally if they found out something? Would any aspect of your relationship go against their beliefs? If your parents' disapproval is based on prejudice or their reaction is violent, seek professional help. Your psycho-physical health takes precedence over everything
Part 2 of 5: Overcoming Parental Despotism
Step 1. Behave with maturity
Your parents will always be protective of you, so show that you are old enough to handle the responsibilities of a romantic relationship. First of all, show that you are responsible and able to follow all the rules. If they think you are too young to be in an important relationship, be punctual, do housework, and study. If you can earn their trust, they will soon realize that you are mature enough to carry on a relationship.
Step 2. Understand the risks of sexual activity
Parents often prohibit their children from having sex for fear of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Make sure your partner seriously understands these risks. There is a possibility that your parents may decide not to support you in the event of an unwanted pregnancy or if you contract a sexually transmitted disease. You may not agree with their rules, but talk to your partner and respect each other's boundaries to be prepared and safe.
Know that the person you are with should respect you and pay attention to your choices. Compromise is vital in a relationship, even if in this context neither side should renounce their principles. Know that if you want to have sex when your partner isn't ready, you have a duty to respect their choice. Do not put pressure on the other person
Step 3. Avoid public huffing
Be discreet when showing your affection. You never know who might see you. A trusted friend may casually tell your parents, not knowing that you intend to keep your relationship under wraps.
Stealing a few kisses and letting go in public may seem harmless, but remember that if your parents find out, they may think your relationship has already reached a certain level of intimacy
Step 4. Protect your mobile and computer with a password
If your parents know the passwords, change them so you can communicate with the other person without being scolded by them. However, if you use the whole family's computer that does not need passwords for various logins, it will be suspicious if you suddenly enter one.
- Delete all messages from your phone when you sleep or leave your phone unattended.
- Clear your browsing history after you have surfed the Internet. However, this maneuver can arouse suspicion if the browser history has never been cleared from a device used in sharing.
- In case your parents are checking your phone, avoid memorizing your partner's number or use a nickname or surname instead of their first name. You can also use the masculine or feminine form of the name. For example, Giulio becomes Giulia or Stefania becomes Stefano.
Step 5. Ask the person you are with not to post anything on your social media profiles or send you instant messages
If you are registered on a social network or use other instant messaging applications, your parents may have a look at or inquire from someone who has the ability to visit your account.
Create an alternate account that you can use to communicate with your partner. This is a very useful gimmick if you are in a long distance relationship
Step 6. Get coverage
When you're on a date, try asking a friend you trust to confirm your side of the story with your parents. It can also act as a cover for phone calls or messages.
- Your friends can help you keep your relationship under wraps by cooperating in making excuses for your parents.
- Another very useful function of friends is to monitor your relationship. The more rumors there are, the wiser your choices will be. Always better to have more than one trusted friend, so you can have more than a single voice to listen to. However, it is also true that the larger the circle of friends, the more likely the secret will be discovered. If a friend shows any concern about your partner or refuses to continue being your alibi, listen to their advice. It's easy to assume that an opinion is wrong, but if several people tell you not to continue a relationship, maybe it's best to listen to what they think.
Step 7. Hide the gifts
Better to keep them in a safe place. It could be outside your home, a trusted friend's home, your partner's home, etc.
- It is highly recommended that you do not keep gifts in your home, as your parents would find them easily if they intend to scrupulously search every corner of the house.
- You will surely attract the attention of your parents if you suddenly lock your closet or bedroom door.
- You and your partner may agree to treat each other to a dinner or a movie instead of exchanging physical gifts.
Part 3 of 5: Dealing with Collateral Damage
Step 1. Avoid friends commenting on your relationship with other people
Whether they are passing people or posting something on your social media profiles, make it clear how catastrophic it could be if their comments, left on your wall in an innocent way, reach your parents. In these cases, social networks can be quite dangerous because you never know who knows who.
Kindly ask your friends not to post compromising comments or photos. It would be a wise idea not to allow anyone to take pictures when you are in a group with your partner
Step 2. Use different accounts on social networks
The great thing about these sites is that the larger ones are free. Open as many accounts as you need to cover your tracks. Don't forget your password and log in only when you're using a device you don't share with your parents.
Step 3. Open a coverage email account
A fake email account would be useful for signing up on social networks with a fake profile. Remember that your mother and father can search for you on these sites based on the email you registered.
Step 4. Correct the privacy settings on social networks
All of these sites give you the ability to filter the information you share with others. Open the settings menu and change them so that only you and your partner can interact. You can also give some friends the opportunity to view your profile if you trust them.
You have the option to filter updates and comments so that yours cannot read them. However, the best way to block mom and dad is to not post anything compromising
Step 5. Provide false information when opening your account or in a virtual public context
Remember that your parents can check if you are registered on a social network by your date of birth, phone number, surname, school name or job description. Don't make the mistake of creating a fake account without making sure that any kind of information you enter does not lead back to you.
Change your profile name completely. Don't use your middle name (if you have one), don't spell your name backwards, but neither does your dog's. Something that you remember even remotely could betray you in the long run. It is best to use extreme caution
Step 6. Hide your feelings
If you have an argument with your partner, try not to show your parents how angry or sad you are. Don't get emotional in public so your mom and dad won't find out. Find a way to let off steam. It will likely be difficult not to be able to express what you are feeling, so look for a way not to lose control.
For example, punching can be useful for venting frustration, while listening to some upbeat music on headphones can be enough to cheer you up after an argument with your partner. Only you know how to manage your emotions
Step 7. Don't forget what you say to people
If you lie to a lot of people, it will be difficult to keep track of all the details you are saying. Keep your stories consistent and try not to go into too much detail. The more you dwell on the details, the more difficult it will be to remember them.
Step 8. Frame your story as a platonic relationship
Don't let your parents suspect you're hiding a relationship. Tell them that you have a platonic relationship that takes a long time. Introduce your partner smoothly and talk about him as you would any other friend in your life.
For example, if you introduce him as a colleague, you could talk about work-related issues and meetings and how you helped each other meet certain deadlines
Step 9. Change your habits
Meet in places you wouldn't normally go to and your parents don't know about. Modify your social life commitments so you don't take any chances that your parents will find you out or that someone might tell them. Better yet, find out what their schedules are. Not only will you be calmer knowing where they are, but you will also be able to meet your partner as far away from them as possible.
Part 4 of 5: Managing the Age Difference
Step 1. Ask yourself if you feel yourself with the other person
Your partner has to accept you for who you are and your parents may not be able to get past your age difference. Once your mom and dad find out that your relationship is healthy and that you have become even a better person, it will be easier for them to overlook this diversity.
Step 2. Maintain the right perspective
It's easy to be overwhelmed by the charm of a relationship with someone older or younger than you. Go further and see if the age difference has any consequences. Your parents will likely be fearful that the generation gap may widen as the story unfolds.
An age difference can be a big problem if you are younger. Your parents may fear that you will grow up too fast or that an older partner will take advantage of you. Consider their point of view during your relationship
Step 3. Consider the dynamics of power that could arise
If your partner is a professor or your boss, it's prudent to be aware of the rules. Your parents would sleep more peacefully knowing that everyone is protected from possible legal repercussions.
Understand that being in a relationship with one of your teachers can cause them to be fired and, depending on how old you are, you could go to jail. This type of relationship is best avoided for both of you. If you really love each other, you can wait until you are of age and that you are done with your studies
Part 5 of 5: Managing the Different Values of Your Parents
Step 1. Surround yourself with people you can lean on
If you need to hide your relationship because there is a difference in values with your parents - be it religious or cultural - seek the help of people who have found themselves in similar circumstances. Give yourself time for both them and your partner to get used to the situation. By surrounding yourself with caring and respectful people, you can overlook the closed-mindedness of your parents if they are unwilling to change.
Step 2. Support the person you are with
Make sure that you care about her and that you disagree with your parents, but that you don't intend to cut ties with them. Build trust by explaining that their opinion will not negatively affect your relationship. Let her know that it is more important than the approval of yours and that confidentiality is only temporary.
You don't have to set a time limit, but expect the other person to give you an ultimatum. Nobody intends to live a story that generates hesitation and embarrassment in their partner. Get ready to choose whether to tell your parents everything or lose the one you love
Step 3. Don't take anyone's side
It's not about who is right or wrong, it's about how you view your family and values. Both of you will have to learn to respect and accept each other if you want to build a life together. Do not give in on your values and respectfully clarify that you are not willing to give them up.
This story lived in secret will not last forever. It may take your parents a long time to realize that only you know what's best for yourself. If that means losing them, it's up to them to decide. The most important thing for your mental, emotional, and physical health is to stay true to yourself
Advice
- Try talking to your parents about the right age to get engaged.
- Tell your partner immediately that you need to hide your story from your parents. You will save yourself from embarrassing conversations.
- Make sure your loved one understands the gravity of the situation, otherwise they might tell others.
- Think about why it would be wrong to tell your parents. What's the worst that can happen to you? If you feel like it, try it.
- If you really love this person, better tell anyone. Nothing is better than honesty towards yourself and your family.
Warnings
- You may feel miserable because you are unable to discuss this situation with your parents.
- It can be extremely difficult to lie to parents. Realize that you may not be able to regain their trust if they find out. Don't underestimate common sense.
- It will probably be very tiring to remember the lies you tell. You risk unintentionally cheating on yourself.
- Most of the time, if there's something to hide it's because the relationship is wrong. Be aware that it can be very dangerous to keep your social life hidden. By living in secret, you prevent your parents from protecting or defending you in case something goes wrong.
- If you don't want to get caught, you'll need to pay more attention to details.
- You will not be able to turn to your parents for consolation if your story ends or goes through a difficult time.
- When no one knows where you are or who you are with, it is very difficult to seek justice in the event of a crime.
