Human relationships are extremely complex. Often when we start a relationship we don't immediately see the weaknesses. This can lead us to expect only positive things from people. But when the opposite happens, we feel betrayed and it hurts. If you find yourself constantly disappointed with the people in your life maybe you are doing it wrong, continuing to expect something they can't give you. Unrealistic expectations often lead to anger, frustration, and resentment. By rethinking your attitude towards others, you can feel better and have a happier relationship. There are some exercises and attitudes that can help you change your behavior. This article tells you how to stop expecting too much from people.
Steps
Step 1. Review your expectations for your own health
One reason you need to take unrealistic expectations seriously is that according to some studies, those who choose to have them fall victim to anxiety, depression, and unhappiness. Being more realistic can increase your pleasure and overall psychological well-being.
Step 2. Think back to your childhood expectations
Many of us think in terms of perfection when we are younger, but as adults we learn that the perfect person is an unattainable goal. Try to review these concepts back to acceptable levels, such as being a good partner or a satisfied worker.
- The habit of expecting too much from people is often inherited as a child. Anyone who has at least one parent who demands too much often lacks security during adolescence. He may start judging himself against other people's standards or working hard as an adult to be "perfect." Think about whether or not you learned this habit as a child and try to replace expectations with approval, compliments, and reassurance.
- Although "perfectionism" is used in Western culture as a way to define the goal-oriented or organized person, it can still be a harmful habit or trait. No one is perfect for others, so unreasonable professional and personal expectations are created.
Step 3. Make a list of people who often let you down because they don't meet your standards
By recognizing these feelings of disappointment, you may be able to see a pattern of people at work or at home. If you are unsure or happy in some area of your life, you may not be able to scale back your expectations until you have solved the problems upstream.
Step 4. Recognize the difference between expectations and addiction
Often we are harder on the people closest to us. When we are dependent on someone, the lack of satisfaction on the part of these people leads to very personal consequences.
If your list is full of people close to you, you may be relying too much on them. Not everyone has the same skills. Reassess your possible unreasonable responsibilities to them or consider whether you should try to be more patient and give them time
Step 5. Make a list of the positive qualities of the people you love
Maybe a trait of these is related to a negative one that you didn't see at the beginning of your relationship. It is easier to get a realistic view of someone's personality than to try to change a trait to make it ideal in your eyes.
For example: an honest man may reason from the heart and an outgoing be opinionated
Step 6. Try doing something to increase empathy or sympathy
Attend a support group, volunteer, shelter, hospital, or any other place that gives you a chance to be with real people and help them. Choose an activity in which you will have a supporting role rather than an organizational one.
A problem with unrealistic expectations can indicate that you are too focused on yourself. Albert Ellis, psychotherapist, once said: "Where is it written that others should behave as we want? It is preferable, of course, but not necessary."
Step 7. Watch little TV (TV series and movies)
Hollywood paints a world that isn't real. Then replace the infamous "Hollywood ending" with time spent with those you love or choose options that portray people with their weaknesses and strengths.
Step 8. Avoid self-help books
While they can be useful in creating positive goals and thoughts, they can push you to idealize unattainable ones. Few people are "at their best" every day, keep in mind that those you interact with go through ups and downs and may be in a "no" phase.
Step 9. Never expect anyone to know how you feel if you've never told them
Many times we expect understanding just because someone looks at us or talks to us. People's emotional territories are totally different, so they should never be taken for granted, especially about something they haven't been told about.
Step 10. Consult someone who you think has a realistic expectation of people
Maybe he can tell you how he did it. Try applying their method in your daily life.
Step 11. See realistic expectations as a quality of great value
As soon as you can redefine yours towards people, you can use these qualities to make business, sports, retirement decisions, etc. You will benefit from learning how to set goals that are achievable.
