Urinating in front of other people is embarrassing and unpleasant. Individuals who find it very difficult to do this when there are people around may suffer from "shy bladder" syndrome, the medical term for which is "paruresis" or urophobia. This disorder is considered a social phobia such as that of public speaking. Affected people can experience numerous symptoms of varying severity - some are affected only occasionally, while others are unable to pee unless they are in their own bathroom.
Steps
Method 1 of 5: Making the Experience More Comfortable
Step 1. Interpose a structure between you and others
If you have a hard time peeing in the presence of other people, an easy way to get the illusion of being alone is to leave an empty cubicle or urinal between you and other public toilet users.
If you are uncomfortable urinating in front of your partner, just close the door while you are in the bathroom or wait for this person to be in another area of the house
Step 2. Listen to the music from the iPod
Sometimes, the most annoying detail is the noise of the pee flow. But if you can't hear it, you shouldn't feel so embarrassed. When you need to use a public restroom, put your headphones on and listen to some music. Turn up the volume just enough so you don't hear any other surrounding noise.
Consider putting a radio or Bluetooth speaker in your bathroom. Make it a habit to turn it on every time you need to use the toilet. Music distracts you from the sounds you are making and prevents your partner from hearing them as well
Step 3. Stop talking
When people walk into a public bathroom, they often continue their conversations. This behavior is even more common when men use urinals. If you prefer to fulfill your needs in private, use an enclosed cabin instead of the Vespasian.
When you are in the bathroom at home with your partner, however, the opposite advice may be useful. If you continue your conversation while you pee, the operation may seem easier and "normal" to you
Step 4. Wait until you are alone
If you are at work or in a restaurant and can wait to use the toilet, keep an eye on the toilet door until you are certain that no one is there. Even though it is a public bathroom, you may feel more comfortable if there are no other people around. If necessary, leave the toilet and return to it later if it is busy.
If you don't want to wait and try again later, take some time to fix your clothes or makeup by looking in the mirror, wash your hands and stall until the bathroom is empty
Step 5. Plan ahead
Very large public places (such as stadiums, shopping centers, arenas and congress centers) have a website on which the maps of the structure are published; these also include the location of the bathrooms. The maps of some cities indicate where the public toilets are located in buildings, parks and so on. Before you go out, do this research so you can proactively use them without waiting to find yourself in an emergency situation.
You can also keep track of the various public toilets you have used and always go to your favorites. Some of the simplest toilets to use are those with fully enclosed floor-to-floor cabins or with single bathrooms
Step 6. Flush the toilet
While not the most environmentally friendly solution, if the noise of the flow of your pee makes you nervous when you are in public, you can flush the toilet. The sound of running water should cover or muffle that of urine.
Alternatively, wait for someone else to flush your toilet or turn on the tap to wash your hands and take advantage of the moment
Method 2 of 5: Recognizing Paruresis
Step 1. Find out if you have paruresis
Individuals who develop this phobia tend to have a shy personality, are sensitive and fear the judgment of others. Those experiencing severe episodes of urophobia show one or more of the following symptoms:
- Need for absolute intimacy to fulfill one's needs;
- Fear that other people may hear the sound of urine hitting the toilet water
- Fear that others might smell urine
- Negative thoughts while urinating (for example: "I'm really stupid, I'll never be able to pee here");
- Inability to urinate in public restrooms, at other people's homes or at work
- Inability to pee at home if someone else is present in the bathroom or waiting outside the door
- Anxiety at the thought of having to go to the bathroom;
- Avoid drinking too much so as not to run into the need to go to the bathroom;
- Avoid traveling and attending events outside the home so as not to be forced to use public toilets.
Step 2. Know that paruresis is not a physical problem
The inability to urinate in front of or in the presence of other people has nothing to do with the functions of the body; there is no kidney, bladder or urinary tract disease. Unfortunately, it is a psychological disorder caused by anxiety, which causes the muscles of the body, including the urethral sphincter, to contract, thus preventing the expulsion of urine.
- The problem can develop and trigger a vicious cycle, whereby the inability to urinate increases anxiety which, consequently, makes urination even more complicated and so on.
- It is possible that an event from your past has induced this problem.
Step 3. Make an appointment with your family doctor
Although paruresis is not a physical problem, you may have conditions or abnormalities that aggravate it. To make sure you are in perfect physical health, you need to go to your doctor and let him check for any diseases.
Prostatitis is an example of an alteration of the organism that can trigger or worsen urophobia in men
Step 4. Commit to drug therapy on the advice of your doctor
Although paruresis is not of organic origin, your doctor may suggest some medications. For example, he may prescribe anxiolytics, antidepressants, or tranquilizers to eliminate or control the anxiety you feel when you have to pee in the presence of other people.
- Remember that these medicines do not cure the ailment; you must therefore also find other treatments that can help you solve the underlying problem so that you can then stop taking the medications.
- In very severe cases, your doctor may also suggest self-catheterization. Basically, a catheter (a very thin tube) is inserted into the urethra up to the bladder. In this way, urine is drained without the need to relax the urethral sphincter muscle.
Method 3 of 5: Treating Paruresis
Step 1. Join an association of paruretics
Shy bladder syndrome is a phobia that is still little known and studied in Italy. However, you can find online non-profit sites and associations that can provide you with information and support. Typically, membership is free and you can meet other people who, like you, have problems with urinating in public.
One of these sites is:
Step 2. Join a support group
Thanks to the site and forum that collects the experiences of many urophobic people, you can find a mutual help group in your city or nearby. These groups are structured and formed to provide practical and emotional help.
Step 3. Talk to a therapist
There are many techniques that allow you to partially or totally resolve your phobia thanks to psychological therapy. You can ask members of the support group to refer you to a good professional, ask your family doctor for advice, or do an online search on your behalf.
When you decide to see a psychologist, make sure that the specialist has experience with this type of phobia before committing to a therapeutic path
Step 4. Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
This is a psychological approach that the practitioner uses to change your thoughts and emotions regarding urination and public baths.
Step 5. Make other noises as you perform your physiological functions
Since one of the causes of paruresis-related anxiety is the noise produced by the stream of urine hitting the toilet bowl or water, one method of solving this problem is to cover the sound with other noises as you urinate. For example, you can turn on a tap, flush the toilet, listen to music, or find another method that suits your situation.
Method 4 of 5: Coping with Systematic Desensitization
Step 1. Get medical attention from a psychologist
Although it is possible to follow the instructions described in this tutorial independently, it is still useful to let yourself be guided by a psychologist who can control and manage the process. The practitioner will help you develop a care plan and choose a partner with whom you can discuss your progress and from whom you can find support.
Step 2. List the bathrooms in ascending order from easiest to use to hardest
To start therapy, you need to write down a list of the various toilets in different places. These must be very different, from comfortable and comfortable ones that don't embarrass you to ones where it is impossible for you to urinate. In addition to making the list, remember to sort it by increasing difficulty.
Step 3. Choose a "urination partner" who can help you
Since the biggest problem with urophobia is peeing in front of another person, you need to find a trusted friend or family member to help you overcome it.
Step 4. Start in the bathroom at home
In all likelihood, this is the easiest toilet to use. Since you feel comfortable in this place, the only source of "stress" is the presence of another human being, your "urination partner".
- Start by using the bathroom at home while your partner is around. Urinate for only a few seconds and then stop the flow.
- Wait a few minutes and then go back to the restrooms. This time your partner has to get a little closer. Again, urinate for a few seconds before stopping.
- Continue like this by letting the person get closer each time.
- It will take several sessions before you can pee without any discomfort right in front of your "urinating partner".
Step 5. Make noise while urinating
While practicing peeing with your partner in the bathroom, try to voluntarily make noise; just the kind of noise that embarrasses you so much when you are in public restrooms. For example, if you don't hear the sound of pee hitting your toilet bowl or toilet, make sure you let it out voluntarily.
By doing so, you begin to get used to the sound and feel less embarrassed. Basically, you are trying to gradually desensitize yourself from this noise, so that you no longer think about it when you are urinating
Step 6. Choose the second bathroom that is on the list
Once you are able to urinate smoothly in the bathroom in front of the "urination partner", you can move on to the next level of difficulty. This could be a public bathroom that is not very frequented or maybe that of a friend of yours.
- Repeat the same process you followed in your home. Start by letting your partner out the door and allowing him to gradually get closer.
- When you are able to urinate fairly easily in this second toilet, move on to the next one, always respecting the same process.
- Eventually you will reach the more complicated toilets on the list and with diligence you will be able to urinate even in crowded and noisy public toilets.
- You will need to practice 3-4 times a week to be able to make progress. You should get great results after 12 sessions if you work hard.
Step 7. Drink plenty of water before each session
To recreate an even more realistic situation and make sure you need to go to the bathroom, drink plenty of fluids to fill your bladder. Do this on purpose before each "training" session with your urination partner.
Method 5 of 5: Using the Apnea Technique
Step 1. Practice holding your breath at home
This technique temporarily increases the amount of carbon dioxide in the bloodstream and is believed to relax the muscles while reducing anxiety. Before using this method to urinate, practice holding your breath.
- Start holding the air in your lungs for 10 seconds and take note of your sensations.
- Gradually increase this time interval by 5-10 seconds at a time. Stop after each session to determine your reactions to apnea. If you don't feel well after this exercise, stop; it means this technique is not suitable for you.
- Try holding your breath in different places to get used to the technique.
- When you are able to stay in apnea for 45 seconds, try applying the method when you need to go to the bathroom.
Step 2. Start with a toilet you feel comfortable in
It could be the bathroom at home or a public one, but deserted.
- Stand or sit on the toilet while breathing normally.
- As you exhale, stop after you have expelled about 75% of the air so you don't completely empty your lungs.
- Hold your breath for 45 seconds. Pinch your nose if you think it helps.
- After 45 seconds you should be able to pee.
- It may be necessary to repeat the exercise a second time in case the flow is blocked in the middle.
Step 3. Practice
This technique only works if you keep practicing it in various bathrooms and situations. Sometimes it may need to be tweaked slightly to suit your personal needs. For example, you may decide to start freediving on your way to the toilets.
