The inability to receive gifts and compliments in a courteous manner often derives from a negative feeling related to self-esteem, distrust of others or fear of being judged negatively by others. Sometimes, the three factors together act at the subconscious level. You will have to change your thinking about the act of receiving, while improving your reactions when you receive something.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Improve Your Ability to Receive
Step 1. Recognize your worth
To learn to receive something, you will have to accept that you are as worthy to receive as anyone else. Accept that the ability to receive is not a selfish or arrogant trait.
On a more basic level, you will need to move away from the give-and-take dichotomy and learn to accept yourself simply as you are. You are worthy of this gesture, no matter how much you give or how much you receive
Step 2. Be honest about what you want
Ask yourself what you really want. Identify the fears that prevent you from receiving what you want, then work on yourself to let go of these fears so that you can follow your desires more fully.
Specifically classify the fears that prevent you from receiving. For example, if you fear that you are not talented enough to be successful or that you are not beautiful enough to be able to love, identify that fear and counter it. You will not be able to accept the gifts you want if you do not first eliminate the lies about the fact that you do not deserve them
Step 3. Examine yourself in the role of the person who gives to others
Determine if you truly give to others with your heart. If you are able to give freely, it will be easier for you to adopt the related practice of receiving freely.
- Think about the gifts you normally offer to others and ask yourself what your motives are. If you convey a sense of obligation or superiority, your heart is probably in the wrong place. Similarly, if you expect to receive something every time you give, you will have to learn to give without clinging to the hope of receiving in return.
- Get in the habit of giving to others. Give praise without expecting to receive it in return. Show respect without wanting to be appreciated for it. When you learn to give freely, you will be able to accept that others can freely offer you too.
Step 4. Consider the various gifts you receive
There are many different types of gifts that you will receive in your life. Some will be material, while others will be more abstract. By identifying the different types of gifts you will receive, you can prepare yourself to accept each type of gift more fully.
- Material gifts are usually quite predictable and include, for example, gifts, money, and greeting cards.
- Instead, intangible gifts may be less predictable. They include, for example, compliments, words of support and encouragement, consent, the offer to listen to the other person and advice.
Part 2 of 3: Training the Mind
Step 1. Identify and accept your innate gifts
Identify one of your qualities that you are satisfied with. As you reflect on this quality, practice saying “thank you” aloud for it.
- The quality you identify can be something you have since birth, such as a great smile, or something you have developed, such as a good sense of humor.
- Tell yourself: "Thank you for having a nice smile" or "thank you for having a great sense of humor".
- You may be embarrassed, depressed or angry with yourself at first. However, dismiss these judgments about yourself and keep repeating to yourself: "Thank you for this gift."
- Repeat this exercise until the negative judgments are over, then you can feel genuinely satisfied and grateful for the gift you have identified.
Step 2. Practice thanking someone for a material gift
Find a material gift that someone has already given you. As you hold onto the gift, practice saying “thank you” for it until it comes naturally to you.
- This gift should be something you can physically hold or touch. Look at it, feel it in your hands and say: “Thank you for this gift, I accept it”.
- As before, you may begin to feel guilty, angry, or depressed at the thought of having received this gift. Keep repeating this exercise until the negative judgments stop, leaving room only for gratitude.
Step 3. Practice thanking someone for an intangible gift
Think of a feeling or other abstract gift that someone has already given you. Focus on this gift in your mind, then practice saying "thank you" for it until gratitude prevails over any other feeling.
- This time, the gift must be something that you cannot physically grasp. It can be a compliment, an encouragement or something similar. The idea is to choose a gift based on a feeling so that you can learn to accept the love that is the basis of the gifts you receive.
- Think about that gift and, as before, say, “Thank you for this gift. I accept it ". Repeat the exercise until your gratitude overcomes all the negative emotions you may initially feel.
Part 3 of 3: Receive with Kindness
Step 1. Express your gratitude in words
When you receive a gift of any kind, you should definitely say "thank you" to the person who gave it to you.
- “Thank you” is the best answer you can give, regardless of what you get. Expressing your thanks demonstrates a desire to accept the gift, compliment, or sentiment while maintaining a humble attitude about it.
- If simply saying “thank you” seems inelegant to you, follow this phrase with a second sentence that continues to express gratitude. Try something like "I appreciate the compliment" or "it's very thoughtful of you."
Step 2. Receive with body language that communicates openness
Non-verbal responses are as important as verbal responses. At the very least, you should receive the vast majority of gifts with a smile.
- A smile indicates happiness and the goal of any gift is to make those who receive it happy. Smiling when something is received allows the giver to know that the gift has been appreciated, regardless of whether the smile is shy and polite or gigantic and enthusiastic.
- In addition to smiling, you should also do something like keep eye contact and lean towards the person who gave you the gift. Even if you feel uncomfortable, you should avoid crossing your arms, looking away, or appearing disinterested.
Step 3. Resist the urge to refuse the gift
If you are having difficulty receiving, your natural reaction may be to mislead or refuse a gift that is given to you. However, to be honest, this attitude is more likely to cause a negative reaction, instead you will get more positive feedback by kindly accepting the gift.
Put yourself in the giver's shoes and think about how it feels when someone refuses a compliment or, with distrust, doesn't accept a gift. Most people will be saddened when they realize that the recipient does not recognize their value, or they will be frustrated by the insinuation that the gift or sentiment is somehow dishonest
Step 4. Don't get carried away
Of course, it is also possible to appear presumptuous when receiving something. Not expressing sincere gratitude could make you appear egotistic, which can also cause a negative reaction from the giver.
You can usually avoid looking egotistical if you stick to the classic "thank you". However, you should also avoid following thanks with words of self-gratification. For example, if someone compliments you on your physical appearance, avoid replying: "Thank you, they always tell me" or "Thank you, I know"
Step 5. Give due recognition to those who deserve it
A proper and adequate way to show humility when receiving something like a compliment or reward is to acknowledge who has put you in a position to receive this gift.
For example, if you receive a compliment for a project that was successfully completed through a joint effort, tell the person who complimented you something like: “The whole group put a lot of effort into it and the result would not be. was possible without everyone's contribution. Thank you for showing your appreciation towards us”
Step 6. Follow the appropriate protocol
Depending on the situation, it may be socially appropriate to follow up a gift received with more formal thanks or another gift to reciprocate. This principle won't always apply, but following it when conventions deem it appropriate can help make you feel more comfortable with the gift you receive.
This is an important issue to consider when receiving a gift for a formal event, such as a wedding or celebration of the future birth of a child. When receiving the gift in person, a quick “thank you” is appropriate. You may also want to have a more formal thank-you note followed up later, acknowledging the gift in more depth
Step 7. Avoid competing with the giver
Regardless of the circumstances, you should never turn the act of giving into a competition. Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin and one should not be ashamed of being on one side or the other.
