Willpower, also known as self-discipline, self-control or determination, is the ability to control one's behavior, emotions and attention. Willpower involves the ability to resist impulses and sacrifice instant gratification in order to achieve one's goals. It also includes the ability to ignore unwelcome thoughts, feelings or impulses, as well as the ability to regulate oneself. An individual's level of willpower can determine their ability to save for their financial stability, make positive choices for their mental and physical health, and avoid the use or abuse of harmful substances. By continuing to forgo immediate rewards in favor of future ones, you can move towards your goals and develop your willpower. Through constant "training", such practice will strengthen your ability to control your impulses, just as exercise strengthens your muscles.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Set Behavioral Goals
Step 1. Evaluate your habits
If you are looking to improve your willpower, your inability to control your impulses is probably negatively affecting some areas of your life. Some people struggle with their willpower in every aspect of their life, while others just have some specific "weaknesses". Determine which area you intend to improve and, if there are many areas, choose to dedicate yourself to one at a time.
- For example, your willpower might get weak over food. This could adversely affect your health and quality of life as a result.
- For example, you may find it difficult to keep tabs on your expenses, struggling to save money for more important events or items.
Step 2. Create a scale of your willpower
You will need to evaluate it effectively. You could create a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 represents complete indulgence relating to the very thing or things you are trying to avoid, and 10 a stoic adherence to the restrictive rules you have set for yourself. Alternatively, you can develop a simpler scale based on "not at all, a little, more, a lot". This scale can take many forms, while still offering you the opportunity to evaluate yourself.
- For example, if you find yourself compulsively munching on sweets or sneaking into some fast food restaurant on a daily basis, on a scale of 1 to 10 you can rate yourself as a 1 or a 2.
- If you have compulsively bought items just because they were on sale or because you felt bored, even though you knew you didn't really need them, on a scale called "shop in moderation", you can rate yourself with "not at all".
Step 3. Set yourself a long-term goal for change
If you want to improve yourself, the first step is to set a goal for your change. You will need to choose a clear, specific and achievable goal. If it were too vague or not measurable, it would be difficult to determine any progress made or to establish that it has been achieved.
- For example, the "eat healthier" goal set by those who tend to eat impulsively will certainly be too vague. “Healthier” is a relative concept, which will make it difficult to determine when it has been achieved. A more concrete goal could be to "lose 20 kilos through a healthy diet", "fit a size 44" or "eliminate my sugar addiction".
- A too vague goal related to spending is to "manage money better". Again, "better" is not a clear and measurable concept. It will therefore be better to want to "save 10% of each salary", "accumulate 3000 euros of savings" or "pay off any debt contracted with my credit cards".
Step 4. Set yourself short-term secondary goals
When you want to reach an important goal (which may seem complicated), one of the best ways to do this is to set guidelines along the way. Your short-term goals will also need to be specific and measurable, and capable of leading you to your ultimate goal.
- For example, if you are trying to lose 20 pounds, you can set yourself a short-term first goal similar to "lose 5 pounds", "exercise 3 times a week" or "limit desserts to once a week".
- If you want to save 3,000 euros, you can set yourself a first goal of “setting aside 500”, “limiting meals away from home to twice a week” or “organizing a home cinema night weekly instead of going to the cinema”.
Part 2 of 4: Postponing the Gratification
Step 1. Think big
The best way to "train" your willpower is to show yourself willing to sacrifice the desire for instant gratification for greater long-term reward. The final reward will be that of "living well" or "experiencing financial stability"; to learn how to exercise your willpower, however, it is advisable to establish a concrete reward.
- For example, if your desire is to lose weight by trying to control your compulsive hunger, your ultimate reward could be a whole new wardrobe of the recently acquired size.
- If you are trying to control your willingness to spend, as a final reward you can choose something expensive that you would not normally be able to save on to purchase. For example, you can treat yourself to a big TV or a relaxing trip to a tropical island with a friend.
Step 2. Give up instant gratification
This is the essence of developing willpower. When you feel tempted to give in to an impulse, realize that what you really want is to experience that brief feeling of instant gratification. In case your impulsive behavior is contrary to your goals, after giving in to instant gratification you will most likely feel guilty.
-
To resist the urge for instant gratification, experiment with the following solutions:
- Recognize what you want to do.
- Admit that the only thing you want is instant gratification.
- Remind yourself of your short and long-term goals.
- Ask yourself if it is worth giving in to the current impulse and jeopardizing your path to the ultimate goal.
-
For example, if you are working hard to keep nervous hunger in check and at a party you find yourself in front of a tray full of cookies:
- Admit you want one, or five, cookies.
- Recognize that that cookie may be able to satisfy your current sweet tooth.
- Remind yourself that you are working hard to reach the goal of losing 20 pounds and the reward of a new wardrobe.
- Ask yourself if the temporary satisfaction given by that cookie is worth giving up on the progress made and the potential forfeiture of the grand prize.
Have Willpower Step 7 Step 3. Give yourself small rewards for accomplishments
A motivation or rewards system won't change your willpower in the long run, but it can help you walk the path to success. Since reaching an end goal may take a long time, it may be effective to set small rewards for progress made so that they act as "guidelines".
- For example, if you've made good food choices for a week, you can indulge in a small dose of your favorite dessert over the weekend. Alternatively, you can reward yourself with something unrelated to food, like a pedicure or massage.
- If your goal is to curb compulsive shopping, you can give yourself a reward for being able to save. For example, you can decide that, for every 500 euros set aside, you can spend 50 as you like.
Part 3 of 4: Tracking Progress
Have Willpower Step 8 Step 1. Create a Willpower Journal
Write down your attempts to control your impulses, including both successful and unsuccessful ones. Don't leave out those details that may help you assess the situation in the future.
- For example, you could write: “I ate five cookies today at an office party. I had skipped lunch so I was pretty hungry. I was surrounded by many people and Sara, who had prepared the cookies, repeatedly encouraged me to eat another one”.
- A further example: “Today I went shopping with my husband to buy a new pair of jeans for our son and I resisted the temptation to buy a dress seen in the window, even though it was on sale. I returned home having bought exactly what I had planned and nothing else”.
Have Willpower Step 9 Step 2. Comment on the factors that influenced your decision making
In addition to detailing the situation in which you resisted or surrendered to the urge, describe what went through your mind in those moments. You may want to include your emotional state, the people around you, and where you were.
Have Willpower Step 10 Step 3. Look for any behavioral patterns you have
After entering several episodes in your diary, you can start re-reading them, trying to highlight possible patterns in your behavior. Here are some questions you should ask yourself:
- Is my decision making more effective when I am alone or when I am in company?
- Are there some people who “trigger” my compulsive behaviors more than others?
- Do my emotions (depression, anger, happiness, etc.) affect my compulsive behaviors?
- Is there a particular time of day when it is more difficult for me to keep my impulses under control (for example late in the day)?
Have Willpower Step 11 Step 4. You can decide to create a visual representation of your progress
It might seem like a weird idea, but there are many people who respond best to a more concrete visual representation of their progress. It will be easier to stay motivated by having something that clearly shows you the many steps taken so far, as well as those still to be taken.
- For example, if you want to lose 20 pounds, you can put a dime in a jar every time you lose 500 grams. Seeing the level of the coins increase as you lose weight will have a concrete representation of the progress made.
- If you are looking to save, you can choose to draw an image that looks like a thermometer, coloring the level corresponding to the accumulated savings. Once you reach the top, you will have reached your goal (this method is commonly used in fundraising to show the progress made).
Have Willpower Step 12 Step 5. Find out what works best for you
By using your journal or simply reflecting on your successes and missteps, you will be able to see what is most useful to you. You may find that giving yourself a weekly reward is very helpful, that you need a visual representation to focus on, or that judging your willpower in writing daily using your particular scale is really effective. You may then find that being alone is a trigger for your compulsive behavior, or that being in a certain place or in the presence of certain people contributes to your cravings. Customize your approach to increase your willpower according to your specific needs.
Part 4 of 4: Avoiding or Managing Fake Steps
Have Willpower Step 13 Step 1. Understand that stress can hinder your progress
Whatever your goal, stress from work or personal life has the potential to derail your progress. It may therefore be necessary to use techniques to reduce it, for example by resorting to exercise, ensuring quality sleep and giving yourself time to relax.
Have Willpower Step 14 Step 2. Find ways to resist temptation
Sometimes the best way not to give in to temptation is to avoid it. If you feel you don't have the willpower to resist your compulsive behavior, try to eliminate the opportunity to give in to your urges. This may mean you want to avoid those people or environments that tend to trigger your obsessions. Such a solution may not be viable in the long run, but it may prove useful in the beginning or during some particularly difficult times.
- For example, if you tend to overeat, you may decide to deprive your home of all sorts of harmful food. So remove anything from your pantry that doesn't suit your new healthy habits by throwing it away or giving it to someone as a gift.
- If you are making a commitment not to spend uncontrollably, you may find it helpful to leave the house carrying only cash rather than credit cards. When you feel particularly vulnerable, you can even decide to go out without money. If there is a specific place capable of causing your obsessive spending, for example a shopping mall, choose to stay away from it. If you need a particular item, ask someone else to buy it for you.
Have Willpower Step 15 Step 3. Use the “if-then” thought
An if-then statement can help you understand how to react when you feel tempted. You can "mentally prove" your reactions to a given situation by inventing some if-then scenarios in advance. Doing so will be especially helpful when you know you need to be in a situation where you will feel tempted.
- For example, if you are attending a party where there will be many cookies available, you can use the following if-then statement: “If Sara offers me a cookie, then I will kindly say 'no, thank you, but they look delicious. 'and I'll move to the other side of the room”.
- If you're looking to spend your money wisely, you can use the following if-then statement: “If I see a dress on sale at the mall that I really like, I'll write down the model and price and go home. If I still want it the following day, I'll ask my husband to go and buy it for me”.
Have Willpower Step 16 Step 4. Seek therapeutic help
If you've been trying unsuccessfully to keep your impulses at bay for a while, consider seeing a therapist. They can offer you specific support and advice to change your behavior. He may also see any underlying causes or problems behind your urges.
- People suffering from obsessive or compulsive behaviors or addictions may benefit from the help of a therapist who specializes in impulse control disorders or cognitive disorders.
- Certain impulse control disorders and deficiencies in willpower may also benefit from a treatment known as 'habit reversal therapy', which replaces an unwanted habit (such as eating cookies whenever they are). see) with another more useful one (such as drinking a glass of water).
