How to help someone with low self-esteem

2024 Author: Samantha Chapman | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 09:13

Self-esteem - the way we perceive ourselves - is only part of our complex emotional structure. If you have a high regard for yourself, it may be difficult for you to see a friend or loved one who suffers from low self-esteem. While you may not be able to fill his dissatisfaction, you can offer him support and encouragement by helping him find an example by which to build a better image of himself.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Offering Support

Step 1. Try to be a good friend

A true friend can be of enormous help if he is able to hear and speak from the bottom of his heart. While cultivating a friendship with an emotionally insecure person can be quite challenging, remember that (maybe) this is only a temporary state - surely they are already trying to improve.

• Make an effort to be in his company. Often people with low self-esteem can't take the initiative to organize with others, so chances are you'll have to invite them out if you want to keep seeing them. Do not take personally his difficulty in creating and maintaining contacts: it depends on the anxiety, fear or depression that keeps those with low self-esteem in check.
• It can be an excellent idea to have a fixed "appointment" because it does not force you to organize meetings continuously and, at the same time, it prevents you from spending whole weeks without seeing each other. Whether it's a coffee on a Sunday afternoon, a burraco night on a Wednesday night or a swim in the pool every morning, these moments will be essential for your friendship to grow.
• Listen to it and maintain eye contact during your conversations. Talk about his problems, ask him what's wrong, offer him support and advice (only if asked). Your cares can be a huge comfort to him. If you let him know that you care about his friendship, he will have the support he needs to improve his self-esteem.

Step 2. Avoid telling him what to think

You risk pushing him away if you think you are helping him by explicitly telling him how he should act or think. Rather, accept him as he is and encourage him to move on to find a healthier way to manage his emotions and take care of himself.

• If you object when she expresses a negative thought, she probably won't react well. This is not a problem that can be solved rationally.

  • For example, if he says: "I feel so stupid", it is not at all useful to answer: "That's not true! You are very intelligent." He will likely show you all the situations in which he felt inadequate.
  • Instead, try to respond by saying, "I'm sorry you think this way. What makes you believe? Did something happen?" With this approach, you will pave the way for a more constructive conversation.

• Support his mood. Simply feeling listened to can help them become more confident. You probably want to tell him that all his negative thoughts have no basis, but you should avoid.

  • Indicated response: "You seem very sorry that you don't have a date for the prom. I can imagine how difficult it is. It happened to me too."
  • Inappropriate answer: "Don't feel bad if you don't have a date for prom. Don't let the world fall! Forget it. It happened to me too and I didn't make a tragedy out of it."

  

  Step 3. Encourage him to solve problems whenever possible

  If a person suffers from low self-esteem, they probably tend to take the difficulties they encounter personally. The problem is, by doing so, it makes situations more difficult than they are. Help her see them from a different perspective. Remember that, to find a solution, you need to let negative emotions express themselves.

  • • Following the example above, you might say, "Many people go to prom couples as a couple, but I know many others who go alone. You certainly won't be the only one."
    • Alternatively: "Many of us are making arrangements to drive together. If you want to come, I'd like you to join us. Actually, if you want me to introduce you to my roommate's friend, I think you'll get along.".

    

    Step 4. Volunteer together

    You can improve your self-esteem by giving others your help. You could encourage a friend to increase their self-esteem by supporting their commitment to the world of volunteering.

    • Alternatively, try getting help. Those with low self-esteem are more willing to lend a hand to a friend than to themselves. By having the opportunity to support you, he will be able to build self-confidence.
    • For example, talk to him about your relationship problems and ask him for advice or see if he can help you solve a computer problem.

    

    Step 5. Offer him a shoulder to cry on

    If he wants to let off steam or understand where his low self-esteem comes from, the most useful thing to do is to listen to him as he sets out his problems. If she can trace the root of her self-esteem issues, she may realize that external sources have affected the way she perceives her personal worth.

    

    Step 6. Invite him to change his approach to himself

    Ask him what his inner voice tells him. He will probably tell you that it is always negative. Teach him to be kinder to himself so that he stops harboring negative thoughts and replaces them with more positive ones.

    • For example, if his inner voice tells him, "I can never carry on a relationship", he will almost certainly feel doomed to be single on the basis of a single "sentimental failure". Furthermore, such an attitude suggests that he is not predisposed to learn or improve following a defeat. As a friend, try to rephrase these kinds of considerations as follows:

      • "This relationship is wrecked, but it better have happened now. Fortunately, I realized that before I got married and maybe have three children!"
      • "I'll probably have to kiss a few more frogs before he turns into a prince. It happens to many."
      • "I realized that I have to improve my way of communicating. I will succeed."

      

      Step 7. Gently suggest that he go to therapy

      If you feel that he has deeper problems and that you cannot help him, suggest that he consult a therapist. Both cognitive-behavioral and psychodynamic therapy can be useful in cases of low self-esteem.

      • Address the subject tactfully. You don't want to make him feel uncomfortable or make him believe that you think he is an unbalanced person.
      • If you have gone through psychotherapy, explain how much it has helped you.
      • Don't be angry if he peremptorily rejects your suggestion. You have probably "planted a seed" in his mind that will continue to grow. He will then decide whether to go to a specialist.

      Part 2 of 4: Set a Good Example

      

      Step 1. Look for his company

      Sometimes, just dating someone with high self-esteem can help those with low self-confidence. If you have the opportunity to express and make him understand the perception you have of yourself, you can become a good example of emotional balance.

      

      Step 2. Set goals, take risks and try to be resilient

      People who have low self-esteem often hesitate to take risks and set goals for fear of failure. However, if you are willing to set goals and take risks, you will show him that he can live his life to the full. Also, by teaching him that failure does not necessarily equate to disaster, you will let him know that he can get up after a fall. If possible, explain your mental attitude to those who are emotionally fragile. The aspects to highlight are:

      • The goals you have set yourself to achieve and why ("I want to participate in a 5km run to feel fitter");
      • What will you do when you have reached them ("After the race, I think I participate in a half marathon");
      • How do you feel if you don't reach them. What if you commit yourself, give it a try and fail? ("I would be sorry if I didn't finish the race, but there will be another one. Also, my real goal is to keep fit. I would feel like a winner if I already managed to improve my health. If I am not good at running, there are other sports to try ");
      • The consequences of the risks ("I might lose weight; I might hurt my knees; I might look ridiculous in my sports outfit; I might feel better; I might like to run");
      • How would you feel if I got results other than what you hoped for ("I would be very happy to have achieved a goal; I would feel more confident, even if the injuries hurt; I would not like to feel ridiculous in public").

      

      Step 3. Express your inner voice

      We all have an inner voice, but if we do not compare it with that of others, we cannot know if it offers us a distorted view. By revealing how you view and value yourself to those with low self-esteem, you can help them improve their inner voice.

      • Let him know that even when things don't go the way you hoped, you don't blame yourself and you don't blame yourself.
      • Explain that you don't take it for granted that others judge you or think badly of you.
      • Tell him that you congratulate yourself every time you succeed and that being proud of yourself is not synonymous with arrogance.
      • Encourage him to talk to himself as he would a close friend, that is, without mortifying himself.

      

      Step 4. Explain that you are not perfect

      A person who has a lot of self-esteem can seem perfect in the eyes of those who, on the other hand, have low self-esteem. Lack of self-confidence makes people extremely self-critical and causes them to compare their own shortcomings with the strengths of others. If you let your friend know that you aren't perfect at all - and you don't even want to be - and that you love yourself for who you are, you will help him build his self-esteem.

      

      Step 5. Show him that you accept yourself

      Let him know in words and deeds that you accept yourself as you are. Even if you have goals and ambitions, you are still satisfied with yourself right now.

      Try to express yourself in a positive way, such as: "I am able to …", "I hope to continue improving in …", "I care about my …" and "I feel good when …"

      

      Step 6. Outline your personal goals

      By explaining to those with low self-esteem that there are personal areas in which you want to improve and that do not necessarily have to be seen as weaknesses, you can help them evaluate themselves more fairly and honestly.

      • Since they may think, "I'm a failure because I don't have a job," suggest that they see the situation in a better light, such as, "I'm a hard worker and I'm working hard to find a job that's my thing."
      • Do not allow him to express negative thoughts, such as "I am hopelessly disorganized", but encourage him to say: "I can work more on the global vision of a project rather than on the details, but I am doing my best to organize myself and be more attentive to the details".

      Part 3 of 4: Understanding Low Self-Esteem

      

      Step 1. Be aware of the risk of failing to help someone with low self-esteem

      Ultimately, self-esteem is a personal problem and the sufferer must commit to getting out of this situation. You can offer encouragement and support, but you can't fill that gap.

      

      Step 2. Recognize the symptoms of low self-esteem

      If you are able to identify them, you can offer the right support to those who need it. Some symptoms to watch out for are:

      • Always speak negatively about yourself;
      • Claiming that any gaps or imperfections in one's life are unacceptable;
      • Being anxious or panicking when confronted with unfamiliar people
      • Give up even before trying for fear of making a mistake;
      • Get defensive at the slightest provocation;
      • Assume that others are pointing at you.

      

      Step 3. Ask your friend to share his deepest thoughts with you

      A characteristic of people with low self-esteem is the presence of an overly critical inner voice that discourages and mortifies them. If your friend has these thoughts, he or she most likely has very little self-esteem. For example, he might think:

      • "I'm fat! No wonder I don't have a boyfriend."
      • "I hate my job, but no one would hire someone like me."
      • "I'm a real poultice."

      

      Step 4. Take action before the situation gets worse

      Keep in mind that over time the problem could escalate and not improve if you don't take action. If you think someone needs help, don't hesitate to talk to them. When a lack of self-esteem pushes its boundaries, a person is more likely to:

      • Tolerate relationships characterized by violent behavior;
      • Being bullied or bullied
      • Abandoning dreams and goals for fear of making mistakes;
      • Neglecting personal hygiene;
      • Engaging in self-injurious behavior.

      Part 4 of 4: Take Care of Yourself

      

      Step 1. Set limits if necessary

      A person with low self-esteem can become extremely needy of attention. Even if you want to help her, you may be inundated with distressing phone calls at 3am, be forced into endless conversations about issues that drain you energy, or be tempted to meet her when you have important commitments. In these cases, you should set some stakes to prevent the friendship from becoming toxic. Eg:

      • Your main duty is to your children. This is not to say that friends are not important, but your daughter's dance recital takes priority over reading a friend's poetry.
      • Calls after 10pm must be motivated by an emergency. A car accident is a real emergency, not the end of a love story.
      • Take some time to cultivate other relationships. You love your friend, but you also need to see other people, family members, your boyfriend or girlfriend, and also make time for yourself.
      • You have to listen to him as he confides his problems to you, but also to feel free to talk about your life, your interests and so on. Friendship is a two-way relationship where everyone has to give and take.

      

      Step 2. Remember that you are a friend, not a therapist

      Just as the therapist is not a friend, so a friend is not a therapist. In trying to help an emotionally fragile person, you risk wasting time and energy in relieving them of their suffering, but don't do it. This dynamic can create imbalances and unhappiness in the relationship. On the contrary, the therapist is a valuable aid because he uses methods that a friend does not know.

      

      Step 3. Don't accept bullying

      Unfortunately, people with low self-esteem can become so negative that they create toxic relationships. You are not obliged to help those who mistreat you physically, verbally or in any other way.

      • Low self-esteem absolutely does not justify cruelty, regardless of the difficulties encountered.
      • You have every right to protect yourself from harassment. If you need to end a friendship, don't hesitate.

      Advice

      • To help someone cope with their self-esteem issues, you could also teach them to love themselves.
      • Sometimes, people with low self-esteem can't easily find a job or can't improve their job position, so try to encourage them.