Sometimes it is inevitable to hurt others, often even unwittingly. These mistakes can cause severe guilt and deep shame, especially when you hurt people you truly love, such as your parents. There is also the risk that guilt and shame, but also anger and disappointment on the other side, seriously threaten your relationships. However, by helping your parents forgive you, you can save the relationship and mitigate both resentment and sorrow on both sides.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Communicate effectively
Step 1. Listen instead of talking
Your parents will come to forgive you more easily if they feel heard and understood. So, by taking a step back and listening to them, you can put an end to the discussions and dampen the emotional rush.
- Watching them absently as they speak will only make them nervous. Try nodding and showing more appropriate phrases to communicate that you are listening to them and that you understand what they are saying.
- Ask a few questions to clarify your ideas and make sure you understand correctly. By doing so, you will show that you are willing to reflect on their words. For example, you might say, "I understand that you are angry because I retired beyond the allowed time without warning you. Isn't that so?"
Step 2. Try to communicate comprehensively
When speaking, be specific to avoid misunderstandings. Then, start talking by making a remark about what happened. Usually, in these cases we start by describing a certain behavior. Then explain how you interpret the latter and how it makes you feel. Finally, you should end your speech by saying what you expect in order to steer the discussion towards a solution.
For example: "I skipped school to be with friends. I knew it was wrong, but I thought that such a decision would make me look like a good boy to them. I was afraid of being teased and embarrassed. if I hadn't gone with everyone else. I would like you to help me find a way to resist pressure from my peers so that I can handle this kind of situation in the future."
Step 3. Pay attention to the tone
What you feel about a certain situation or towards your parents can affect the way you communicate. The same sentence said in different tones can suggest various things. If you are feeling frustrated, you may be using a sarcastic tone or raising your voice before you even know it. Therefore, try to stay objective and focused on what you mean rather than what you are feeling.
If your parents blame you for the tone you are using, apologize and explain all your frustration in trying to convey what you mean correctly
Part 2 of 3: Recognizing Your Mistakes
Step 1. Admit when you are wrong
Surely you will be convinced that you have not behaved completely wrongly, so instead of looking at the situation as a whole, focus on a few aspects in particular. It is not said that you are totally in the wrong, but neither that your behavior was completely blameless. Identify where you can improve and take matters into your own hands. Your parents will appreciate your ability to admit when you're wrong, considering it a sign of maturity. This attitude will help them forgive you more easily.
Don't argue about faults and don't try to be right. Your parents may find such an attitude immature and will take much longer to forgive you
Step 2. Apologize to your parents and any people you may have hurt
To get forgiveness more easily, it is important to show your remorse. When you apologize, you acknowledge that you have misbehaved, why you made a mistake, and to what extent this has affected others. By doing so, you will show that you understand where you went wrong and that you take into account what your parents are feeling.
- Try to make your apologies by first talking about the consequences of your behavior. In this way, they will understand how mortified you feel for the evil you have caused. For example: "I'm sorry I disappointed and worried you by missing school. I behaved irresponsibly and recklessly. I assure you that it will never happen again."
- Be honest when you apologize. In these cases, the falsehood can be interpreted as sarcasm, making the situation worse.
- If you're having a hard time apologizing in person, try writing a letter.
Step 3. Find a remedy whenever possible
Make an effort to fix the situation. Depending on the mistakes made, it may not always be possible, but usually an attempt made in good faith is enough to win the leniency of the parents.
You might consider working to pay off a debt or manually helping yourself to help fix something you've damaged
Part 3 of 3: Behave More Responsibly
Step 1. Find a solution to react more appropriately in the future
Your parents likely have a hard time forgiving you because they fear you might repeat the same mistakes. By showing that you have learned your lesson and found a way to avoid making mistakes again, you will help them forget what happened.
If you can't figure out what the best reaction is, ask your parents for help. They will appreciate your efforts to improve yourself and, for your part, you will have another chance to show that you listen to them
Step 2. Get involved in activities where you don't have the opportunity to misbehave
Show that you are a responsible guy by studying for good grades or looking for a job. Remind your parents how good you are by taking a leadership role within the school or community where you live. Take part in activities that they would be proud to tell other people and don't make them worry about how you spend your time. They will forgive you more quickly if, instead of thinking about the mistakes you've made in the past, they can see your successes.
Consider volunteering to help others and make your parents proud of you. You can find plenty of opportunities on the Internet
Step 3. Talk to your parents about your goals for the future
Forgive yourself by drawing their attention to opportunities you may have in the future and moving them away from the way you have behaved in the past. Set goals to accomplish over 6 months, 2 years, and 5 years from now, developing a plan to help you achieve them.
- The goals to be achieved in 6 months should be reasonable. You may want to raise your school average, save money and / or get back in physical and mental shape.
- The goals to be achieved in 2 and 5 years should be more complex but not unattainable, such as graduating from university.
Advice
- Remember that your parents love you and will always love you, but realize that they too are subject to emotions.
- Exceed your parents' expectations by showing them, with concrete actions, that you want to remedy what you have done.
Warnings
- Avoid arguing about who is wrong, or the apologies and good intentions may appear insincere.
- Aggression and violence are never acceptable, no matter how angry you are.
