You understand that your relationship is no longer what it used to be. You've gone from having butterflies in your stomach to feeling anguish when your partner walks in the door. It's hard to admit that your romance is over, but it's important not to continue a dysfunctional relationship that makes you unhappy. You may think your relationship is just going through a rough patch - and it may be - but there are some key signs that can indicate when it's time to cut it down.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Reflect on Your Way to Communicate
Step 1. Take note of how often you argue with your partner
Arguments can be healthy and productive episodes, useful for communicating and resolving conflicts. But if you do nothing but argue and spend most of the time arguing, your relationship is probably nearing its end.
- Arguing over trivial matters can be an attempt to get attention or let off steam and can indicate the end is coming.
- Ending arguments with anger, resentment, bitterness, and a lack of willingness to make peace are signs that your relationship is about to fail.
Step 2. Observe how often you discuss your feelings
A fundamental aspect of relationships is communicating their needs and feelings, as well as understanding those of the partner. If you feel like your other half doesn't understand you and you don't understand him, your relationship is probably having problems.
- The inability to communicate can start with small things, for example not asking how your day went. Over time, it can evolve to totally ignore the partner's feelings.
- If you find that you are not listening to your partner and notice that he is behaving the same way, you are not communicating effectively and trouble is on the way.
Step 3. Notice how you talk about the future together
You may refuse to discuss what the future holds for you because you cannot imagine staying together much longer. This can also mean that you don't see a future with your partner, a sign that should prompt you to end the relationship.
- If you've never talked about marriage or children, this is probably not the right person for you.
- If you've been slow to respond to a friend's wedding invitation, don't plan your holidays together, or don't spend the holidays together because you don't know if the relationship will last much longer, it may be time to end it.
Step 4. Consider how loving verbal communication with your partner is
Loving communication is an important aspect of developing and sustaining a relationship as a couple. When verbal expressions of love stop, it's often because you can't think of anything nice to say or because you just don't feel like doing it. Lack of communication and verbal displays of affection are worrying signs that a relationship is ending.
Lack of compliments, voiced "I love you", random love cards and messages are all signs that your relationship is in trouble
Step 5. Notice how you talk about your partner to others
People who have a healthy relationship look forward to sharing their partner's positive qualities and successes with others. When you talk negatively about your partner with friends, it's a sign that your relationship is in trouble. By speaking in a derogatory way of your partner, you show a lack of respect towards him and consequently the presence of more serious problems in the couple.
There is a difference between talking to a close friend about your relationship problems and telling your friends that you are unhappy or tired of your relationship. But if you often find yourself confiding to your best friend about the annoyances that your love affair causes, it's probably time to put an end to it
Part 2 of 3: Reflect on Your Thoughts and Feelings About Your Partner
Step 1. Ask yourself how much your partner is still able to excite you
In the beginning, the mere presence of your love made you feel butterflies in your stomach, but today this is no longer the case. If you always feel bored when you are with your partner, or feel bored at the thought of seeing or meeting him, you probably don't love him anymore.
Your relationship can't be exciting in every minute. However, you should feel slightly on edge when he comes home after work or when you go out to dinner
Step 2. Assess your sexual attraction towards your partner
Physical attraction is as important to men as it is to women, especially in the first seven years of a relationship. This is probably the element that brought you closer in the beginning. So if you find yourself ignoring your mate, or even feeling disgusted or repulsed when you think of him, your love affair is over.
Step 3. Imagine a future without your partner
Think about all your hopes, your dreams for the future and try to understand if your other half is always by your side, in all those scenarios. If you think your future can be better or easier without your partner next to you, your relationship will likely fail.
Step 4. Determine if you still have common interests and goals
You may have had a lot in common when you met, but today you may find that you no longer share goals, interests and beliefs. As your relationship has progressed, you have both become more mature people, and as a result, your ideals and goals may have changed. See if you and your partner are still on the same page.
- If your conversations are limited, become unbearable, or you can't agree on professional goals and personal beliefs, you no longer share common goals in life.
- Having goals and interests independent of your partner's is a perfectly healthy aspect of a relationship. Problems arise when your core values begin to diverge and you can no longer find anything to share.
Part 3 of 3: Assessing the Relationship Environment
Step 1. Assess the frequency and passion of your sexual intercourse
If it seems like forever since you last had sex and sex is of no interest to you, your relationship probably has serious problems.
- Try to remember the last time you had sex and if it was a routine act or if it was a rewarding and enjoyable experience. If you haven't had sex for a long time and when it happens you feel like it's a duty, your relationship is probably not going to last.
- Visit a doctor to check if your low libido is due to hormonal imbalances due to pregnancy or menopause, or, if you are a man, if you have low testosterone levels.
Step 2. Assess how loyal you are to each other
Infidelity can destroy a relationship because it shatters the trust and loyalty that has been painstakingly created over time. It is possible for a couple to survive infidelity, but if these episodes become commonplace, you should end your relationship.
- If yours is not an open couple, infidelity is very difficult to overcome. If either of you is routinely unfaithful (or both of you are) and these episodes become almost expected and acceptable, the romance is probably over.
- Flirting is a form of infidelity, according to the intentions of the person who does it. If you flirt frequently because you seek affection or dream of being with another person, you are emotionally cheating on your partner and you need to understand why.
Step 3. Ask yourself how your life has improved because of your partner
Just as you choose your friends wisely and try to surround yourself with positive people, your relationship should also improve your life and make it happier. If you feel held back by your partner or feel their presence as a burden because it does not improve the quality of your life, you should carefully consider ending the relationship.
Step 4. Find out how often friends and family choose to spend their time with you and your partner
Your friends and relatives know you very well and want the best for you. If you find that they avoid spending time with you, your relationship is not going to continue. Having a strong support network of friends and family has a positive impact on the quality of your life as a couple.
Family members and friends often have very high expectations of your partner's quality and may not get along well with your current partner. It is important to distinguish cases of slight dissent due to a bad impression from genuine concern for your well-being
Step 5. Consider how many activities you do together
While it is important to maintain independence within a couple, if your lives don't overlap in any way, you have a problem. If you always hang out with your friends without your boyfriend, have no idea what he does every day, make plans for the weekend without including him, or never commit to including him in your plans, your relationship is about to end.
Advice
If you really want to work on your relationship, despite all the problems you have identified, you can do it! You may need professional help, but if both of you are willing to put in the effort to make your relationship survive, you may be able to get through the tough times
Warnings
- If you know you should end the relationship, but can't do it because you don't want to hurt your partner or because you don't think they'll ever be able to find another person, you're just prolonging your pain. You cannot predict the future of other people and we are all responsible for our actions.
- All the points in this article describe the problems of dysfunctional relationships. Unless both parties are willing to work to resolve these defects, it is best to end these types of relationships as soon as possible.
- When you realize your relationship is over, you should end it right away. While it will be painful, the sooner you do it, the sooner you can feel better and move on with your life.
