A parasite attaches itself to a host animal and exploits it for its precious resources necessary for its survival. If you suspect that you are in a parasitic relationship, then you should worry that the person you are dating, just like a parasite, is draining your energy, robbing you of your emotional strength, money, time and anything else. something that has a value for you. Do you want to find out if you are in such a relationship? Then you need to check if the symptoms below refer to you. If so, you'd better get out of it as soon as possible.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Part One: Notice What You Do Together
Step 1. Notice if your partner has to do "everything" with you
If you truly enjoy doing absolutely everything with your partner, then you may become co-dependent. But if you'd like to have a little more space available while your partner tries to do anything and everything with you - from grocery shopping to eating along with any meal - then it could be a parasite. It's one thing to have a strong bond, but feeling like you can't even take a shower in peace is another story altogether.
- If every single time you leave the house, even just to get a prescription from the doctor or have a coffee, your partner says “I'm coming too!”, It could be a parasite.
- If you suddenly find that your partner is always doing the things you used to love doing on their own, from morning yoga to walking after dinner, then it could be a parasite.
- If your partner is also unable to do things on his own, whether it's going for a coffee with a new friend or changing the car's oil, and he always asks you to accompany him, then you may be in one. parasitic relationship.
Step 2. Notice that you don't have any separate friends
Have you suddenly noticed that all your friends have become your partner's friends too? Before, he used to hang out with some people you didn't know, but as your relationship has become more serious, all these friends outside the circle have disappeared. Your partner now only goes out with your friends, whom he has started calling "our friends". She might even try dating these friends without you. This is a dangerous thing.
- If you and your partner suddenly have the same friends, then your relationship could be in danger. This may be your partner's way of ensuring that the two of you will be together "forever". After all, who wants to deal with the embarrassment of breaking up when you have the same friends?
- If your partner didn't have other friends before, it could be another thing to worry about. It is a sign that that person is unable to form solid bonds with people he does not romantically date.
Step 3. Notice if you pay most of the time
This is another red flag. Sure, anyone can be cash strapped once, but if you find that you're the only one always paying for dinners, movies, travel, gas, or even bigger things, like education, kids, rent and bills, then you are definitely in a parasitic relationship. Chances are the person you're dating won't even apologize for all of this, but you think it's assumed that you are taking care of them. If this is your situation, then you need to get out of it quickly.
- The other person might also say "I'd love to go out for dinner, but I'm broke this month." This is a way to cheat you, get paid and at the same time make you think it was your idea.
- Even if you have a lot of money to spend, this should still be a very clear sign. If the person you're dating really wants to take advantage of your money, they might just as well want to take advantage of your feelings.
Step 4. Notice if you are doing excessive favors to your partner
In a healthy relationship, people exchange favors for each other whenever someone needs help. In a parasitic relationship, one partner always does favors for the other without getting anything in return. If you understand that you are always the one accompanying your partner everywhere, preparing lunch and dinner, going shopping, running errands and basically taking care of all the little things that he is too lazy to do, then you may be infected with a parasite.
While it may hurt, write two lists: a list of all the favors you have done to your partner and a list of all the favors he has done to you. They don't match, huh?
Step 5. Notice if your partner is a complete antisocial
This is another major problem. If every time you and your partner are in public together, they refuse to talk to other people, want all of your attention, and generally show no respect for others, then you need to review your priorities. It is one thing for your partner to be really shy, another thing is if he behaves rude to others or simply ignores them in no uncertain terms. This is a sign that the person does not see a life without you.
If you find that when just the two of you go out, you constantly have to spend all your time next to him otherwise he gets offended or jealous, then you have a problem
Step 6. Notice if your partner gets nervous every time you do something on your own
In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel comfortable doing things on their own. This can mean hanging out with friends, spending time with your family or just reading, going for a run, spending time on your hobbies. If your partner truly loves you and cares about you, then they should be happy when you cultivate a personal interest and grow as an independent person.
- If your partner feels hurt, angry, jealous, or distant every time you go out without him, even if you're just going to have coffee with your cousin, then he's bothered by your individuality.
- If your partner checks on you and asks you every five minutes when you're out and about when you come home, then it could be a parasite.
Step 7. Notice if other people have voiced concerns about your story
When other people voice concerns about your relationship, it's natural to be defensive and feel even more determined to prove them wrong by trying as hard as possible to make things work. But if you find that your friends, family, and more or less everyone in your circle are worried that your partner is taking advantage of you, then there may be some truth to what they tell you.
When you tell these people that they are wrong, you end up pushing them away from you. And your partner will get exactly what they want - all your time and attention
Part 2 of 3: Part Two: Notice What You Talk About
Step 1. Notice if your partner is always talking about their problems
If you can't remember the last time you shared your most intimate fears or doubts with your partner, then you are in troubled waters. If you think your partner is always the one talking, complaining, looking for comfort, love and attention, then you have a problem. It's okay that he's having a rough month, but if you feel like there's always something wrong with his life, then it's likely he's using you for emotional support.
- In a healthy relationship, both partners talk about their own problems and care about the other equally.
- If you have the impression that your partner talks at least 80% of the time, even though you are not a particularly shy person, then you have a problem.
- If every time you talk about yourself, your partner tries to downplay your problems by comparing them to theirs, then you have a problem.
Step 2. Notice if you can never share your feelings
If you're reluctant to share your feelings because you think your partner gets angry, doesn't understand you, or you know for sure they won't listen to you, then you have a problem. You should feel free to express thoughts, fears, and hopes just as your partner feels free to do so with you.
Both people should be able to share their feelings within a relationship, and if every time you try, your partner says he is busy or tired, he interrupts you or always tries to shift the conversation to him, or he just looks at you in a cold way to let you know that he is not listening to you, then it means that he is using you
Step 3. Notice if there is such a thing as compromise in your relationship
You're in a parasitic relationship if you feel like your partner always ends up getting exactly what he wants. You may find that you give in only because you don't want to argue, because your partner will get angry if he doesn't get what he wants, or simply because you have self-convinced that the other wants it more. In a healthy relationship, partners work together to find a solution that can make both of them happy and take turns to make do.
Of course, it is not a problem to give up small things, for example leaving the other the choice of the restaurant or the program to watch on TV. But this habit could lead you to give up on bigger things, like deciding where to live together
Step 4. Notice if you ever hear words of appreciation
When was the last time your partner told you how much you mean to him? If you can't even remember it, then it could be that your partner is using you and is taking you for granted. He may find it unnecessary to tell you how much he cares about you and how special you are, but if he really cares about you, then he should tell you, and not just assume that you already know.
- If you don't even get a thank you for all the favors you do, then your partner is definitely taking advantage of you.
- If your partner never gives you a compliment, then it could be that they are using you.
Step 5. Notice if you always tell your partner how much you love them
It is so. Your partner hardly ever tells you how special you are, but you find yourself having to say “I love you” twenty times a day, otherwise they would feel ignored and think that you are not giving them enough love and affection. If you have to tell your partner how much you love him, how special he is and how important he is to you fifty times a day just because he needs affection, then you have a problem.
In a healthy relationship, both partners should compliment each other and say “I love you” the same way - and only when they really mean it
Part 3 of 3: Part Three: Consider How the Other Person Makes You Feel
Step 1. Notice if you feel guilty every time you don't give up on something
This is a very important aspect. When you say no to your partner or don't give him exactly what he wants, do you feel like you've disappointed him deeply? Then you have a problem. You shouldn't submit to your partner just because it's simpler, just as you shouldn't please a child just because he has a tantrum in public. You shouldn't feel guilty if you don't give your partner exactly what he wants every time, especially when his requests are absurd.
- Guilt shouldn't be the engine of your relationship. If you find yourself constantly sacrificing yourself for your partner's happiness, especially because he is nagging you until you please him, then you have a problem.
- If he feels like a nobody without you or makes you believe he couldn't survive without you, then you may be in a parasitic relationship.
Step 2. Notice if you feel completely drained after a date with your partner
A parasite doesn't just drain your wallet and your free time.
- A parasite can also make you feel as if your energies have been slowly being sucked away from you. If you feel exhausted and emotionally consumed every time you go out with your partner, because you find yourself constantly giving him emotional and financial support, you need to convince him that everything is fine and you get involved in his problems, then you may be in a parasitic relationship.
- In a healthy relationship, partners give each other strength and convince each other that anything is possible. In a parasitic relationship, one partner sucks up all the energy of the other, making him feel unable to do anything.
Step 3. Notice if you are losing your identity
If you are in a parasitic relationship, then your mate may be trying to make you feel like you are losing your individuality. You are no longer a single person, but you are part of a couple. If you start forgetting who you really are and lose sight of all the things that make you special and happy, then you may be in a parasitic relationship that has stolen your identity.
In a healthy relationship, two people gain a stronger sense of self as they bond with each other as a couple; in a parasitic relationship, one person tries to prevail over the other's qualities without giving them the time to understand who they really are
Step 4. Notice if you start to feel used
If you suspect you are being used, then chances are you are. If you feel like your partner is only with you because of your apartment, your car, your money, or your ability to comfort him at any hour of the night, then you should end the relationship as soon as possible. If you feel like you are giving an inordinate amount of support and receiving nothing in return, even in the simplest things, like a "good luck!" before a big exam, then it could be that your partner is using you.
Ask yourself if your partner would still be with you if it weren't for your nice apartment, new car, bank account and physical appearance? If you hesitate even a second before answering, then your partner is using you
Step 5. Notice if you have stopped perceiving the importance of your goals and desires
This is another way a parasite can rob you of your identity. If you are sacrificing everything so that your partner can follow his dreams, finish school, move closer to his family, or pursue his hobbies for hours on end a day, then you may be in a parasitic relationship. In a healthy relationship, both partners have individual goals and work together to achieve them; in a parasitic relationship, a person's goals become the center of the relationship.
- You may not even have noticed that you stopped devoting yourself to becoming a nurse or cook because you were too busy helping your partner find their way.
- If your partner never asks you what you would like for your future or how you see your career five years from now, then it could be because they only care about themselves.
Advice
- If you are the host in a parasitic relationship, be brave enough to look for a way out; otherwise, if you are the parasite, repent and learn to give more and ask for less from your partner.
- Every morning, before getting out of bed, ask yourself: “Am I happy here? What exactly am I doing here? What do I want out of this relationship and am I not getting it? Why am I here?”.
- Seek counseling.
- Respect your partner, no matter if he hurt you.
- Understand that giving is more important than receiving.
- Be open minded. We often don't notice certain things that others see from miles away. Ask trusted friends who know you well to help you figure out if you are in a parasitic relationship.
- Learn to forgive.
