A casual relationship usually has no long-term prospect of commitment or monogamy. If you are considering starting a casual relationship or already have one in progress, prioritize communication and honesty, without assuming that things will settle themselves; on the contrary, state clearly what your expectations are, set some rules, limit contacts and don't get involved romantically, because otherwise you might want more.
Part 1 of 4: Make sure it's for you
Step 1. Ask yourself if you want a free relationship
Before starting or accepting a casual relationship, make sure you want to; write down the benefits you will get from it and consider if it is right for you.
- People choose not to commit to a relationship for various reasons: there are those who have recently ended a long relationship and are not ready for a new one, or those who are focused on their professional career and do not have time for a demanding relationship.
- Don't let your partner force you into a noncommittal relationship if that's not what you want.
Step 2. Believe when the other says they don't want to commit
Define the relationship as soon as possible so that both of you have clear expectations. If a person says they have no intention of getting married or isn't sure they want to commit, don't hope they change their mind or find another solution; furthermore, it is not your job to change her ideas or encourage her to do so. Ask the other, "Is this what you want?" Or, "Is there any chance that our relationship will evolve into something else?" and believe in the answer it gives you.
You will probably fail in the heroic enterprise of changing a person who does not intend to commit; on the contrary, you will experience frustration or disappointment
Step 3. Accept the relationship as it is
Don't expect a casual relationship to change at all. If you are unsure of the nature of your relationship, ask for clarification; if you are dating someone and you intend to commit, admit that it is almost an impossible task, so the best thing to do is to accept things for what they are without hoping to change them.
- If you are not happy in a casual relationship, talk about what you want and notice if the other is interested too; if not, it is best to stop immediately.
- If you are not interested in committing, carefully note any changes in your partner's interest in doing so.
Part 2 of 4: Respect Yourself and Your Partner
Step 1. Establish the rules
If you agree to be in a relationship that is not serious, set the rules, because it is always better to set clear limits on the course of the relationship rather than asking yourself what is good and what is not. Ask questions and make sure that everything is right for you and that you both have the same goals in the relationship.
- Establish ground rules regarding intimate relationships with other people or spending time with others, whether to keep the relationship a secret and whether you can suddenly end it if you fall in love with someone else.
- Even if it is a casual relationship, remember that you are still dealing with a person and not with a sexual object: having a relationship that is not serious does not mean being able to treat the other coldly or without respect.
- Remember that communication is as important in a serious relationship as it is in a casual one, so make sure you always maintain good communication.
Step 2. Be honest
Honesty is key in an undemanding relationship; the fact that it is a casual relationship does not mean that you have to lie to each other; if a certain agreement does not suit you, do not hope to be able to accept it, but express yourself, as you will have to admit if you exceed the limits you had established. Small lies quickly turn into big ones and pretending that everything is okay when it isn't is not fair to you or your partner, so make a habit of exchanging opinions and expressing how you feel.
- If you need the rules to change, say so; if your partner asks you to change the rules, be honest about how you feel about those changes and if you are willing to accept them.
- For example, if your partner tells you they want to have sex with other people, think about your reaction.
Step 3. Assert your opinion
You both need to have an equal chance of determining what happens in the relationship; if your partner wants to set up the relationship only on the basis of his rules, reply clearly saying what you want, such as: "I'll stay asleep with you tonight" or: "I need a little break this week"; if your partner asks you for something you don't intend to do, say it.
- Make sure your partner listens to you and considers your thoughts and feelings. If your thoughts and feelings about the relationship don't seem to matter, this can cause resentment and bitterness.
- Don't do everything your partner wants without arguing, especially if it hurts, makes you angry, or upsets you, but say, "I don't feel like doing it this way."
Step 4. Deal with the relationship fairly
You don't have to be the only one to adjust to schedules or find compromises, because if your partner takes your time and energy, but makes excuses not to do the same for you, it's not a balanced relationship; if you feel you spend a lot more time or energy meeting and seeing each other, consider asking questions or quitting - regardless of the type of relationship, you will feel more satisfied if the power is balanced.
- If you don't want to close, but you still want more balance, say: "Lately I always come to your house, why don't you come to me next time?".
- You can also say, "It seems to me that I am spending a lot of my time adjusting to your plans. Could you leave some time for me too?"
Step 5. Use precautions
If both of you have sex with other people, always take precautions and encourage your partner to do the same, because no one would want to end up with a sexually transmitted infection or unwanted pregnancy, so protect yourself and, if you have intoxication or are alone the effect of drugs, avoid sexual intercourse.
Having sex with multiple partners increases the chances of contracting sexually transmitted diseases and HIV
Part 3 of 4: Interacting Occasionally
Step 1. Don't get involved romantically
Do your best to keep feelings out of the relationship: An emotional involvement can lead to wanting to spend more time together, seeing the person romantically, or wishing the relationship to evolve; in addition, it can nurture feelings of closeness and connection. Casual relationships do not progress, so if you find that you want or hope for something more, stop it; Romantic relationships involve emotional intimacy, so avoid this aspect.
- Avoid confidences and sentimental confessions after sexual intercourse.
- If your partner expects you to care for him / her or listen to him / her, recognize that this could make the boundaries of a relationship uncertain, so keep life involvement for each other to a minimum.
Step 2. Talk to light topics only
Do not share very personal information with your partner, because doing so would increase the sentimental bond you share and would lead to more challenging feelings: sharing fears and having more serious conversations foster the sense of closeness. Since the nature of a causal relationship is to avoid such feelings, keep conversations about cheerful, non-personal topics.
- Just talk about the present. If you talk about the future often, this could indicate that you want a more serious relationship.
- If you start to feel more emotionally involved, move away a little.
Step 3. Keep your personal life separate
Don't introduce your partner to friends and family: Most people who want a casual relationship prefer to keep their personal life separate. Involving friends and family can send a different message, confuse expectations and create confusion, so keep your personal life private and separate from your casual relationship.
Some accept that the partner interacts with their friends, but this requires considerable skill in classification
Step 4. Reduce contacts
Don't call, text or email, and don't contact the person regularly, but only once a week, as spending more time together can increase feelings of affection or bonding, which is contrary to the nature of the causal relationship.
Wanting to see the person more than once a week could indicate that you want more than just a temporary relationship
Part 4 of 4: Ending the Relationship
Step 1. Stop if you are unhappy
The nature of a noncommittal relationship is that it ends when the benefits for both partners cease. If the partner does not want to commit and you find it difficult to accept it, end the relationship; you may have made a commitment to connect and make the relationship work, but then you discover that you are unhappy or dissatisfied with it: in that case, admit that you cannot change a person and, if the relationship does more harm than good, end it.
Say, "It was nice and I enjoy spending time with you. However I am looking for a serious relationship and this is not. I know this is the way you want it, but I don't like it anymore. No hard feelings, but please don't. look for me more"
Step 2. Avoid getting checked
If your partner decides when to see you, when to have intercourse, how often to see you and when not, you may start to feel manipulated. Being controlled by others also includes criticism, feeling like you "owe" someone something or forced to do things you don't want to do.
- If you find your partner exercising this kind of control over you, end the relationship before the other hurts your feelings.
- Don't do something you disagree with; if you have feelings, but your partner doesn't, it's best to quit.
Step 3. Don't manipulate
Avoid saying things like "I want you in my life and I can't imagine my life without you, but I want to see other people too," as it can confuse the partner who will wonder how it feels. If your feelings have changed, let him know, as well as you should say if you feel something or if you are no longer interested, but don't be overly critical or harsh towards your partner so as not to manipulate him.