In some cases, you may feel that your romantic relationship is progressing too quickly, physically or emotionally. It is important to remember that a relationship is an agreement between two people: you don't have to accept conditions just to satisfy your partner. If you want to restore balance to your relationship, you need to talk to her and clearly explain what you want.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Understanding the Relationship
Step 1. Assess the situation
First, consider which aspects of the relationship you are rushing into. Determine what makes you or your partner uncomfortable. To make a relationship slow down, you need to understand why it's going too fast.
- You may feel the need to keep your partner in check. For example, she may want to take physical steps while you are not ready yet. Maybe he asks you for a commitment that you know you can't keep. Maybe she has already lost her mind about you, while you need more time to let your feelings mature.
- On the contrary, it may be you who have to slow down your feelings. It's easy to get scared if you feel like you're falling in love with your partner too quickly. She may specifically ask you to slow down, for her own good. If this is the case, consider how to respect his or her needs in your relationship.
Step 2. Find out what the problem situations are
Notice the specific actions or conditions that make you feel uncomfortable. Look for repeating patterns and try to figure out exactly what circumstances give you the impression that you are running too fast.
- You may have just started dating a guy, but he invites you on trips together or asks you to accompany him to a wedding. If this level of commitment is troubling you, you need to talk to him about it.
- Imagine you've been dating a girl for some time and she keeps hinting at marriage and children. If you are not ready to think about certain things, their attitude can put you under excessive pressure.
Step 3. Identify your goals
Evaluate the goals you aspire to for your romantic relationship, for your personal growth and for the future. Consider whether your romance takes you away from your goals and whether you have a chance to resolve this imbalance. Accept the idea that you may not be compatible.
If your partner has different desires than yours, it doesn't mean she's a bad person. You just don't have the same goals. Consider whether it is worthwhile to continue the relationship anyway
Part 2 of 3: Talk to Your Partner
Step 1. Talk about the problem
Tell your partner honestly how you feel. Tell her what makes you uncomfortable and try to express all your feelings. Make sure she understands that you still care, but would rather take a step back. If she knows your intentions, it becomes easier for her to change her attitude and get comfortable.
You may find that with open communication your relationship will become much less complicated. You can't expect your partner to behave in a certain way if you don't ask them
Step 2. Try to reach an agreement of purpose
Two people don't always start a relationship with the same expectations. Your partner may not even realize you are making you uncomfortable. You may find that you have lived in two separate realities, making moves and choices that are incomprehensible to the other person. The quickest way to solve the problem is to agree on the direction in which the relationship should go.
Step 3. Don't force things
If you can't find an agreement, maybe it's time to break up. It is not fair to force your partner to accept a relationship that she does not want and it is equally unfair that you live with the fear of losing your individuality. In some cases, you need to step back and focus on yourself before you can fully immerse yourself in a serious relationship.
Consider whether the situation justifies a breakup. Leaving your partner means stopping things altogether instead of slowing them down. If you think this is the only solution, don't be afraid to make this choice
Step 4. Try changing the way you talk about your relationship
If you find that you often talk about long-term plans and use expressions that indicate your commitment ("I love you", for example), try to find out if you are comfortable with those talks. Try to talk only about the short term. Before making decisions about your relationship years later, try to figure out what direction it will take in a few months.
Part 3 of 3: Go Slow
Step 1. Troubleshoot
Think about specific situations that make you uncomfortable and find ways to manage or avoid them. It's easy to slow down a relationship if you react differently to some particular events.
- If you think obsessively about your girlfriend after a few days of not seeing her, find a way to meet her more often or ask her to communicate more with you when she is away.
- If your boyfriend makes you uncomfortable by touching you every time you are in the bedroom, avoid that room. Don't lie down with him and don't spend too much time alone until you are certain that he has learned to respect your limits.
Step 2. Only make plans that you can keep
Listen to your heart and firmly believe in your beliefs. Don't accept six-month projects if you don't know what you're going to do next week! Some people have no problem planning for the long term, while others prefer to live for the day - nothing wrong with that. If you're in a relationship with someone who has a tendency to make more plans than you do, you need to find a balance that doesn't make anyone uncomfortable.
Step 3. Find time for yourself
It's easy to feel overwhelmed when we don't give ourselves the space we need. This doesn't mean you need to ask your partner for a formal break; you just need to dedicate a little time every day to think about your life and not about your partner. You may find that simply giving importance to the time you spend alone makes you feel much more in control of the relationship.
Spend time with friends, without your partner. Make sure you keep your closest friendships alive, even when you have a partner. You don't have to be there all the time
Step 4. Spend a weekend away
Leaving the city for a couple of days can give both of you a chance to cool down and figure out what's really important. Go camping, take a trip to a city of art or just a long drive. Climb a mountain or dive into the ocean. Find the space you need to clear your head.
Step 5. Don't sleep with her
Try not to spend the night at your partner's house and don't invite her over to you. Sleeping in the same bed makes the relationship seem much more serious, especially if it becomes a habit. The greater the intimacy with a person, the more intertwined your lives become.
The same goes for coexistence. Living under the same roof, especially if it is not a situation that you have explicitly agreed to, can give you the impression that the relationship is becoming too serious. Consider whether to reevaluate your home situation
Advice
- Communication is essential. If your partner doesn't understand what's going on, she may behave in ways that you find unacceptable.
- Don't stick with a person if you don't want the same things. You can always find someone else more compatible.
