Making friends is sometimes difficult, but it is even more difficult to trust them. It's not easy to find someone who really cares about you and takes care of you. Ideally a good friend should respect you and never betray your trust, but sometimes even best friends betray each other. Therefore it is important to learn to cope with the difficult task of forgiving and moving forward.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Understanding What Happened
Step 1. There has probably been a misunderstanding
It is natural for you to feel disappointed when you sense that someone has betrayed your trust, but you must first make sure that your suspicions are well founded. Perhaps you have come to conclusions too hasty and your friend has done nothing wrong.
- Are you also responsible for what happened? Perhaps you have made some wrong guesses that have given rise to misunderstandings?
- Try to find out what really happened. Ask someone who can be informed of the facts.
- Evaluate all information, including yours. If your friend really made a mistake, did he admit his faults?
- Of course, the admission of responsibility is not the only proof of guilt, but it should be taken into consideration. Otherwise you should consider the hypothesis of a misunderstanding. This does not mean that all the culprits are ready to assume their responsibilities, but simply that you must weigh all the evidence to decide what to do in the event that he has really cheated on you.
- For example, if you have revealed a secret that is now on everyone's lips, you probably suspect that your friend has betrayed your trust. Ask him if he did it intentionally or if he let the secret slip unintentionally.
Step 2. Ask yourself how she feels
If your friend is as upset as you are, maybe you should put yourself in their shoes to understand their point of view. Could you have said something that was misunderstood by your friend or vice versa?
- Also try to understand that perhaps you do not know all the problems of another person, therefore you must evaluate the situation from his point of view. If your friend is willing to tell you about it, ask him if he is having a hard time.
- Going back to the previous example, ask yourself how your friend felt to carry the weight of your secret. Was it too heavy a burden to bear? Also consider his state of mind.
Step 3. Resize the severity of the incident
There are always two sides of the same coin and situations are often determined by a combination of factors. Try to analyze the episode objectively. Imagine not being involved in the accident to evaluate the problem from a different perspective.
- This does not mean that after doing this you will no longer think that you have been wronged. You could also come to the same conclusion by evaluating the circumstance from an objective point of view. In that case you will need to decide how to proceed.
- After evaluating the situation from a different perspective, you will likely feel compassion for your friend. This does not mean that you will justify his behavior, but that you will react differently. Having compassion for your friend who betrayed you, believe it or not, will help you move forward.
- You may also begin to understand if you have acted in a way that has prompted your friend to behave in a certain way, possibly by neglecting fundamental elements. It is a wake-up call that will help you deal more rationally with some aspects that you have always ignored or neglected until now.
- Did you ask too much in asking your friend to bear the burden of your personal secret? Is he a talker? Do you enjoy flaunting the facts of others from the rooftops? If so, you were wrong to believe that he could keep the secret.
Method 2 of 3: Let it go
Step 1. Relax and spend some time alone
Meditate, go shopping or dance. Do something that can take your mind off negative thoughts and make you feel better. It is likely that you will find the optimal solution while you are having fun or doing something pleasant. It might sound absurd, but often the most ingenious solutions come while you're busy doing something fun, even if it's not relevant to the problem being solved.
Taking up the previous example, you should detach yourself from the situation, to stay away from those who know your secret. Step aside and relax
Step 2. Calm down
Avoid self-pity. Don't think it's all your fault and you always screw it up. Try not to generalize with statements like "It always happens to me". Excessive generalization could cause emotional and behavioral manifestations of depression.
- Everyone makes mistakes and has to face accidents along the way. Blaming yourself for everything that happens prevents you from moving on and forgetting the past.
- Going back to the previous example, do not be discouraged for having revealed your secret to your "wide-mouthed" friend. Instead of telling yourself “I'm so stupid. Why did I do it? ", He thinks" Well, I made a mistake. To err is human”.
Step 3. Rebuild the story
If you believe that your friend has betrayed you and did not apologize, reconstruct what happened, so that the blame does not fall on you. It is important that you take full control of your emotions, to move forward and try to forgive him.
For example, instead of drawing the conclusion that it is all your fault, think that now you are realizing that your friend talks too much and cannot keep secrets, but the moment you revealed your secret you were ignoring his lack of loyalty and you made the decision that seemed right to you. If you could go back, you would behave differently
Step 4. Bring out the frustration
For many people, the best way to overcome frustration is to let off steam. Choose someone you trust and don't mind hearing about the betrayal. You will have to choose a person above the parties, to avoid prejudice and other differences between friends. Venting helps you get rid of negative emotions.
- Try to be rational and not get emotionally involved in what happened. If you continue to feel sorry for yourself, you will not be able to express yourself adequately.
- Choose a person who doesn't feel sorry for himself. You don't want your confidant to get sad and despair after hearing your story, especially if you feel frustrated too. Choose an optimistic person who can offer you useful advice.
- If you're not the type who likes to let off steam with others, there are other ways to free yourself from frustration, especially if you lead an active life. Go for a walk or a run to release negative emotions. If you like to play sports, play with your friends or play a game of football. Boxing, kickboxing and even yoga are effective ways to relieve stress.
- Talk about your disappointment with another friend. If you don't have a friend or family member to confide in, write a journal.
Method 3 of 3: Move on
Step 1. Forgive him or at least try to forgive him
Even if he doesn't apologize for cheating on you, you need to have the strength to forgive him so that you can move on. Consider forgiveness as a gift to yourself, rather than as a gift to a friend who has betrayed you.
- If you can forgive him, you can overcome the disappointment and move on. Otherwise you will continue to feel a grudge, finding yourself suffering again after months or years.
- Ideally, the friend who betrayed you should apologize and his apologies should be carefully weighed before reaching the conclusion to forgive him. However, many times the apologies don't come or are not sincere, so you must try to deal with the forgiveness phase regardless of your friend's behavior.
- Try not to think about it all the time. After forgiving him, forget what happened and move on. A useful way to overcome the episode and avoid constantly ruminating on the past is to wear a rubber band on your wrist, which you will have to pull every time you think about the attack immediately.
- Forgive yourself for revealing the secret to your friend. After all, you didn't know he wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut.
Step 2. Decide if you want to continue having relationships with him
Many times the friend who betrayed you will repeat his mistake, although very often it depends on the situation and the person. Therefore you have to decide if you want him to continue to be your friend, an acquaintance or to break off any kind of relationship.
- If you decide that he may still be a part of your life, but to a lesser extent than in the past, you may treat him as an acquaintance rather than a friend. Or you could completely cut the bridges if you think this is the best solution.
- If you feel that your friendship is over, sever all relationships for good, without acting like a mean person. If you have already addressed the subject and are aware of having disappointed you, it will be easier to face the end of your friendship.
- If you think you want to continue being his friend, make sure he knows that you have decided to forgive him, even though he has betrayed your trust.
- If your friend has no remorse or does not want to admit that he was wrong, but you still want to continue being his friend, be prepared for the fact that you could fall into the same problem again.
- You may continue to have a friendly relationship with your friend, but without revealing your personal secrets to him. However, if you think you can confess your secrets to all your friends, then you will need to pay close attention.
Step 3. Try to draw an important life lesson from the episode
Now that you know the signs of a betrayal, you can spot them to avoid making the same mistake in the future. Of course you can't stop someone from cheating on you, but you can control your reactions in case it happens.
Now you know that some people, including your best friends, can't keep secrets. Next time, you'll think twice about revealing a secret to someone
Advice
- Trust your instincts and remember previous experiences before putting your trust in someone. There are some people who should never be trusted.
- If you can, don't tell all the details of your life to avoid exposing yourself too much to the risk of being betrayed.
- Make sure you never hide your emotions, even when you are disappointed. However, be careful not to hurt the feelings of others by saying things you don't really think.
Warnings
- Most of the time, when people are cheated on, they move on, so don't feel sad if you need to go further. However it is your choice.
- Man is a social animal by nature. You can't live without friends, so be careful not to alienate all friends for nonsense.
- Pay attention to those who easily flaunt their own or other people's personal affairs. It is very likely that they will not be able to keep secrets.
