Your relationship with your boyfriend has been going on for some time now and you may be starting to wonder if he's getting serious. He may tell you he loves you, but you're not sure if he really is. If he hasn't told you yet, there are ways to understand how he feels about you. Observe his actions, then consider his words.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Observe His Actions
Step 1. Ask yourself if he treats you with respect
If your boyfriend really loves you, he'll be interested in you. He will respect your ideas and opinions, even when he disagrees with you. He will pay attention to your preferences and will meet your needs to the best of his ability.
- Does he ask you questions about your life?
- Does he seem genuinely interested in your feelings and opinion?
Step 2. See if he is capable of compromising
If your boyfriend respects you, he'll meet you even when you don't ask. For example, he might take you to a movie he doesn't like just to make you happy, or he might settle for more serious matters; the willingness to compromise is always a sign of true love.
- True compromise does not mean "I do this for you so you do this for me", it is not a negotiation.
- Does he always try to have the last word when you disagree? Or does he accept that you are right?
Step 3. Note where it touches you
People who love each other often have the need to touch the object of their affection, even outside of sexual relations. Does he seem interested in physical contact? Does he look for you often? Physical closeness in front of others is a public display of affection that shows the world how much they care for you.
- If you are not sure how it feels when you are close, ask yourself what you feel. Do you feel loved? Or does it seem to you that when it touches you in public you are only trying to "mark the territory"?
- If he is shy or from a culture where public contact is not acceptable, he may love you very much even though he rarely tries to touch you.
- When a man touches a woman's face, it is often a sign of intimacy.
- A touch on the shoulder or hand is not considered intimate contact in many cultures. However, if he touches you in the lower back or runs his hand gently down your leg, he is probably attracted to you.
- If he only touches you in private, consider it a wake-up call. The same is true if he only touches you in public and never in private.
- A man who loves you must touch you with respect. If you don't like how he touches you, but he keeps doing it, he probably doesn't really love you.
Step 4. Make sure he wants to spend time with his family and friends when he is with you
If your boyfriend wants to keep you all to himself, without sharing your company with other people, he probably doesn't really love you. If he did, he would involve you in all areas of his life.
- Involving you in his family life may not be easy at first, especially if he has a stormy relationship with his relatives.
- If he treats you differently when you are around family or friends, ask him why he does it. If he truly loves you, he will be proud of you no matter who is with you.
Step 5. See if he wants to spend time with your friends and family
A man who loves you will be interested in all the people who are important to you. Even if he doesn't value them highly, he will be willing to spend time with them to make you happy.
- If your boyfriend avoids your friends and family, maybe he's just shy. If he tries to convince you to do the same, he is probably trying to control you, so this is a bad sign.
- If he doesn't care about your friends and family, he doesn't really care about you either.
Step 6. Notice if he does things you like
A man who loves you will be willing to try the activities you offer, even if he doesn't appreciate them. For example, he will accompany you to restaurants you like or visit exhibitions and museums because you asked him to. If all your activities are focused on his interests, he may not really love you.
- Doing something to make another person happy is an act of generosity. If he insists that you do something for him in exchange for his effort, it is no longer generosity but a form of manipulation.
- A man who truly loves you pays attention to your preferences. He will try to make sure you are happy, because your happiness is important to him.
Step 7. Avoid it if it hurts you
In some cases, people justify their violent actions with the excuse of love. If your boyfriend tells you such a thing, it is very serious. Learn to Recognize a Potentially Violent Relationship and ask for help.
- Abuses are not limited to physical violence. If your boyfriend truly loves you, he will treat you with respect. It will not insult you, it will not humiliate you and it will not detract from your results.
- Not sure if you can trust your boyfriend when he says he loves you? Ask one of your parents or a friend you trust for advice.
Method 2 of 2: Listen to His Words
Step 1. Notice if he uses "we" instead of "I"
When a man loves you, he always considers you when he thinks about his daily life. When he plans for the future, he should include you.
- Does he include you in his plans or does he only think about himself?
- When you talk to friends and family on the phone, do you talk about the things you have done together? Does he say when he is with you? Or do you avoid talking to them when you are together?
Step 2. Notice if he apologizes when he's wrong
Some men have no problem saying they're sorry, but they don't change the way they do. Others refuse to apologize, even when they are clearly wrong. Notice how your boyfriend reacts when he does something numb or that hurts you. Are you sorry?
- If a man is good at apologizing but always makes the same mistakes, his words are false.
- If your boyfriend is stubborn, he may have a hard time apologizing when he's wrong, but if he loves you, he'll feel uncomfortable until the situation between you is resolved.
Step 3. Check if his actions follow the words
A boyfriend who preaches well but scratches badly doesn't deserve your trust. Those who have this attitude show hypocrisy and instability.
- When a man's words and actions don't go hand in hand, it means he doesn't deserve your trust. Even if he loves you, you can never trust him.
- In many cases, teens who have this problem try to justify it with negative life experiences. Often, this leads girls to feel pity and try to help them.
- In other cases, those who have a self-righteous attitude will try to blame you. He will turn the conversation around, accusing you of thinking badly. This is a wake-up call.
Step 4. Remember that saying "I love you" is not enough
A man who says he loves you without really acting lovingly and caring towards you doesn't have those feelings for you. These words can be used dishonestly to manipulate your partner. When your boyfriend says "I love you," consider whether his actions match his words.
- If you're not sure you can trust a man's words, ask someone you trust for advice. He may have noticed something that you missed.
- If you're convinced your boyfriend really loves you, it's time to ask yourself if that's enough for you. Just because a man loves you doesn't mean you should reciprocate.
Expert Advice
Look for these signs to tell if your boyfriend doesn't love you anymore:
- It is not present as it did before.
- It doesn't respond to your phone calls and messages.
- Start walking away from you.
- He wants to spend less time with you or makes up too many excuses not to see you.
- He prefers to be with his friends than with you.
- He no longer messes with you like he did before.
Advice
On the internet you will find many quizzes that claim they can tell if your boyfriend really loves you. Try them if you like, but don't take the result too seriously. However, they can be useful in helping you think about your relationship in a new way
Warnings
- Remember that abuse comes in many forms. If you're not sure if you have been abused, research the signs that accompany them most frequently.
- If you find that you often have to do things you don't like or say things you don't believe in because of your boyfriend, your relationship is probably not healthy.
