For many, a commitment, a lasting relationship is the pinnacle of life - something to strive for above all else. Unfortunately, not all love stories always have a happy ending. Some relationships end in agony and last in pain for one or both partners. In these cases, learning to forget the person you have invested so much time and energy in can be difficult. Forgetting someone you love is never easy, but with time, patience and some clever defensive strategies, you will eventually be able to come out of it as a satisfied and happy person once again.
Note:
This article deals with the period following a breakup. For more appropriate advice on the loss of a close friend or family member, read the article How to Overcome Loss and Pain.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Taking the First Steps to Move Forward
Step 1. Be indulgent with yourself
After a breakup, you may find that you have a lot of time and money to stop spending on your ex. See it as a blessing! Investing time and money for yourself rather than for another person will allow you to enjoy the most beautiful things that you had to do without when you were engaged. Remember that there is nothing wrong with showing self-love - especially after the pain of a breakup.
For example, if you are a shopping addict, go shopping with your friends. If, on the other hand, you are a fan of classic rock, a new guitar may be all you need
Step 2. Relocate
One of the best ways to leave the painful memories associated with the old relationship behind is to literally leave it behind. A simple change of scenery can have a significant effect in improving mood - new places, sounds and experiences stimulate the senses, making the pain of a breakup distant and unimportant.
Obviously, the options when it comes to travel can vary according to work commitments, age and life circumstances. If you have the opportunity to take a no-cost trip to an exotic location, go with your eyes closed! However, even a more modest trip to nearby areas that you've never seen before can be an enlightening experience
Step 3. Find new people to live with. Six the people you surround yourself with. If you are looking for a change of life (for example, if you are trying to move on after a breakup), try changing the company you hang out with. The attitudes and opinions of new friends can change the way you view your past relationship and future choices. For example, from a different perspective (provided in this case by a new friend) a relationship that once seemed like the most important part of your life can start to look silly or childish. Also, new friends can offer you tips from their own experiences, which you might not have from talking to people you usually hang out with.
This advice is especially important if, after a breakup, you find that some friends have taken the side of your ex. Pay no attention to these people and instead focus your energies on finding new acquaintances who are able to respect your choices
Step 4. Get in touch with old friendships
Other important people matter in your life. You can find them after breaking up the relationship, which led you to put a few friends aside in favor of the relationship you had with your ex. It's nothing to be ashamed of - everyone has to balance their time between partner and friendships. Instead, try to contact people you haven't met in a while. You may find that your lives have changed since you last met. This way you will have the opportunity to get involved in new conversations and "make up" for lost time!
Step 5. Distract yourself with activities and hobbies
During the course of a relationship, when you divide the time between your interests and desires and those of your partner, it can be difficult to do everything you want to do. One of the "positives" of a breakup is that you suddenly have a lot more time to dedicate to yourself. The moments after a breakup can be characterized by feelings of sadness and depression, but if you manage to get up, go out and indulge in hobbies and passions, you will find that the more time you spend doing what you enjoy doing, the less time you waste thinking how much. you are sad.
Sometimes, after a breakup, more negative emotions can make you feel bored or feel like you don't have any major hobbies or interests. It's actually not true, but if you feel this way, try doing something new! For example, try signing up for a course or joining an association - in some cities there are also "singles clubs" that promote recreational activities
Step 6. Focus on improving yourself
As mentioned, after a breakup you may suddenly find that you have a lot of time on your hands. Don't waste it, rather try to make a commitment to improve yourself physically or mentally. If you get rich, you will be more attractive in the eyes of others and it may be easier to find a new partner, but more importantly, you will feel better. As a result, your self-confidence will increase and you will be even more charming.
- It has been established that physical activity has beneficial effects on mood. It has been clinically proven to fight depression, anxiety and stress. Any form of strenuous exercise offers these benefits, so choose a sport you enjoy!
- Training your body is not the only way to improve yourself: you can also enrich your mind, learning a new profession, discovering a new creative outlet or mastering a new field of study. For example, you might try learning a new language, improving your professional skills, or playing a musical instrument.
Step 7. Consider an adventure or a "fallback"
There is nothing wrong with a makeshift relationship, in which to live a relationship with someone in a carefree and light way following the breakdown of an important bond, as long as your goals and intentions are clear from the start. By saying something like, "You know, I need to let you know that I just got out of a difficult relationship, so I'm looking for something that isn't too heavy," you will let your partner know that you are just looking for an affair and not a relationship that can lead to marriage, for example.
Step 8. When you are ready, meet other people
After taking some time for yourself, having some adventures and enjoying the single life, you will probably want to start a new serious relationship eventually. Be open to this possibility, but don't commit to anything too serious until you feel ready. Giving up in a relationship, while you are still trying to get over the old woman's aftermath, is not right for you and the other person.
Relationship experts disagree as to whether or not it is appropriate to restart a relationship with someone who has already had a bad breakup. This is mostly a matter of personal choice - if you think your ex (and / or you) can avoid making the same mistakes that led to the breakup, you can consider getting back together, even if you shouldn't feel any obligation to to do it. If the breakup was the result of abuse, under no circumstances is it advisable to reopen a relationship
Part 2 of 3: Reduce the pain of loss
Step 1. Remove any memories of your ex from your life
After a breakup, it is recommended not to interact with the people and things that remind you of your ex. This may involve the choice not to interact with some friendships in common that risk mentioning the ex. It can also mean moving away from places and objects that can bring back painful memories. For example, it may be necessary to ask a friend to return an old shirt that the ex used to make you wear. Keeping these people and things out of your life (at least until you feel better) will give you a chance to free yourself from the painfully lingering feelings your ex's memories can give you.
Step 2. Fall back on friends and family
The people you love - family members, personal guides, and close friends - want to see you happy. If you're not happy after a breakup, don't be afraid to "lean" on these people for emotional support. Sometimes by simply talking to an old friend, parent, sibling, or someone else who is close to you when you have a problem, you can eliminate so much of the accumulated stress that you feel free of a burden. The people around you can also give you smart advice on how to cope with your feelings to cope with bigger and better things.
While you find that the advice you get from close confidants isn't that perfect, the sense of unity you will experience from these kinds of relationships may be exactly what you need when you falter over the loss of an ex
Step 3. Give yourself plenty of time
It is not possible to heal a broken heart in one day. While it's not that common, some people take months or even years to feel "100%" following a painful breakup. Don't try to rush the recovery process - there is no substitute for the natural healing power of time. When you walk away from the breakup, you will find that you are no longer anchored in that situation. It will occupy your thoughts less and less, until one day you manage not to think about it at all. When this day comes, celebrate - you are on the road to happiness!
Remember that after a breakup, your emotional state will improve in the long run. Individual days or weeks may go by in which you will feel worse and worse - although they should be taken seriously, they are not necessarily proof that you are "falling" into post-traumatic darkness. Rather, take these bumps along the way for what they are - obstacles on a path that, while shaky, will gradually take you to the top
Part 3 of 3: Avoiding the Most Common Mistakes
Step 1. Don't look back
The period after a breakup can be filled with uncertainty. You can feel like you've made a mistake or like you'll never be able to find a partner again. These feelings, while unpleasant, are not uncommon. Do not allow some temporary feeling of low self-esteem to sabotage your possibility of escaping a relationship in which you are not happy - the last what you will want to do is beg your ex for forgiveness right after you break up. Give the breakup time to "get metabolized" before you start questioning your decision. A good rule of thumb is to look forward after a breakup, not backward.
If you're seriously regretting breaking up with your ex, give yourself a time limit during which you won't consider getting back together at all. Preferably it lasts no less than 2-3 months. If you still want to get back together after this deadline, consider the consequences carefully before taking action
Step 2. Do not allow any contact with the ex until you are emotionally "restored"
In the days, weeks, and even months immediately following the breakup, your emotions can be very confusing. You may find that you feel mixed feelings of sadness, relief, frustration, and / or other emotions. This is completely normal - breakups can lead to long periods of emotional distress where you don't feel "right" for a long time. The good news is that these periods almost always pass. However, even if you are in the eye of the storm, it is almost always a good idea avoid all forms of contact with your ex until you feel better. When you are still recovering from a breakup, you are not in a position to manage the thrill of seeing your ex again, because you risk being overwhelmed by the past. If you can do without it, don't see him, don't call him, don't text him or email him, or in any case don't interact with the ex until you are well on your way to moving forward.
Sometimes, we need to make some derogation from this rule, in order to recover any personal items that your ex still has or to resolve any formal issues (bank accounts, etc.) that remain unresolved. Do not avoid these tasks, so if you have to meet your ex for similar reasons, try to interact in the shortest, most essential and polite way possible. If you can't bear to see it, try sending a friend on your behalf
Step 3. Don't make rash decisions immediately after the breakup
As mentioned, after a breakup you can be inundated with strong, sometimes conflicting emotions. While it may initially seem like a good idea to take drastic measures immediately after breaking up with someone, don't make any important decisions until you've had time to recover and calmly consider your possibilities. A single bad decision made in a moment of anger or frustration can have lasting consequences, which in the long run can make it more difficult to overcome. Below you will find a list of the things that you must not to do after a breakup:
- Turn to one of his friends for revenge.
- Ruin the objects and assets belonging to the former.
- Sabotaging the ex's subsequent relationships.
- Confronting the ex in public in an embarrassing way.
- Spreading offensive rumors about the ex (even if they are true).
Step 4. Don't put the abuse under the rug
To clarify this point, if your ex has abused you in any way, you can and should tell the proper authorities. Read:
How to deal with emotional abuse
Step 5. Don't be afraid to get help from a professional if you need it
Unfortunately, today, the idea of "going to a therapist" to have a hand in dealing with personal problems carries a certain social stigma (or taboo). The person seeking help is sometimes thought to be mentally unstable or emotionally "weak". This is simply not the case. Millions of people - on average, ordinary people - talk to psychotherapists, psychoanalysts, counselors and other professionals for advice and guidance in difficult times. In fact, some studies have found that over a two-year period, more than a quarter of Americans rely on therapy for the recovery of mental well-being. There is no reason to be afraid to ask for help.
