It's hard to get over the end of a romance, but it's hard especially if you still love your ex. The most important step in moving forward is to limit contact with the person who left you. Find a way to keep yourself busy with constructive activities instead of thinking about her. Also, you should come to terms with it and try to move on. Remember that it won't be easy at first, but the situation will improve over time.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Taking the Distances
Step 1. Stop calling, texting and emailing
You need your space to forget about your ex, so avoid any kind of contact. You don't have to walk away to create unnecessary tension or to make you miss you, but to offer yourself the opportunity to recover and start over without counting on him.
- If you have a hard time cutting off all contact, stick to your decision by asking your friends for help. You could also temporarily move their phone number and email address to your blocked contacts list. You can always remove it from this folder when you feel better.
- You probably won't be able to cut all ties if you have children or have adopted a pet or are studying / working in the same place. In these cases, limit yourself to talking to him only when you can't help it, for example if you have to discuss a work project.
- If he wants to keep hearing from you, ask him to respect your desire to cut off contact for some time. If you insist, consider changing your phone number and email address.
Step 2. Don't follow him on social networks until you feel better
If you constantly check what they post and the comments they receive or see it in photos with people you don't know, you won't be able to move forward. So, stop following him so you can focus on yourself. This attitude will also help you not to give in to the temptation to contact him.
- You can always decide to follow him later.
- If your mutual friends call on him on social networks, consider not following them either. If your virtual hookups overlap too much, you may want to take a long break from social networking.
Step 3. Avoid the places he usually goes to
By meeting him at the usual bar, not only will you complicate the situation, but you may also compromise all your efforts to recover. Find new hangouts that you weren't used to frequenting.
If you happen to meet him, don't go too far. A short goodbye before leaving would be appropriate
Step 4. Have him deliver, keep or throw away the memories of your relationship
Avoid mulling over the end of your relationship or "happiest times" by eliminating gifts, belongings, and other items that make you think of your ex. Mail him whatever he probably wants back, put aside any memories you'd like to keep, and give away or trash everything else.
In this way you will not only be able to distance yourself, but you will also perform a symbolic gesture that will allow you to start over with new things and experiences to remember
Step 5. Move in if you can
If you can't avoid him and his constant presence puts you in a state of distress, consider physically distancing yourself from him. Even if the idea of moving to a completely new place is impossible, you may find a place further away in the same city.
If you always meet him at work, consider looking for a new job or asking for a move to another location
Part 2 of 3: Keeping Busy
Step 1. Awaken the part of you that was dormant
A new haircut, an interesting course, an exciting hobby, or a challenging goal can help you rekindle the spark of joy and passion in your life. Think about the part of you that was dormant during intercourse and bring it out.
For example, if your ex thought your dream of traveling the world was a crazy idea, start planning the trip you've always put off. If she almost always suggested what clothes to wear, renew your wardrobe
Step 2. Disrupt your routine
By trying something new, you will not only take your mind off your ex's obsession, but you can also make new friends and get to know yourself better. Find something fun, exciting, and personally fulfilling. For example, you could try:
- Attend an association;
- Volunteer for a cause you care about;
- Playing in an amateur sports team;
- Learn a foreign language;
- Join a book club or a video gamer club.
Step 3. Surround yourself with friends and family
Take advantage of your support network to get through this moment. Fill your social life with exciting activities, such as an evening with close friends or a pleasant vacation with your family.
- If you need to let off steam, share her mood with the people you love so they can help you. For example, you might say, "I need a hug right now."
- While it may be healthy to open up to take a weight off your heart, resist the temptation to always talk about your ex or ask people if they know what they're doing. Ask your family and friends to gently change the subject if you tend to dwell too much on your old story.
Step 4. Learn to take care of yourself
Establish new habits that allow you to love yourself and take care of yourself. For example, you might be reading, writing, practicing relaxation exercises to relieve stress, or joining the gym.
Relationships take time and energy. Use this moment to focus on yourself, without feeling guilty
Step 5. Hang out with someone else when you feel ready
You may be thinking, "No one will ever be like my ex," but if you don't try, you'll never know. Initially, don't get pushed by the idea of finding "the only person in your life" and try to make new and interesting acquaintances.
- By dating someone else, you will feel more attractive and desired, which you probably missed after your relationship ended.
- While it can be fun to have casual encounters, avoid using them to treat your pain. Only start dating when you have been able to accept the breakup.
- Before you start dating someone, take the time to understand what your expectations are in a relationship and think about what you need from your partner.
Part 3 of 3: Accepting the End of the Relationship
Step 1. Avoid masking your true feelings
You will likely be tempted to fend off pain and negative thoughts by indulging in junk foods, shopping sprees, alcohol or drugs, but in the long run, these "quick fixes" won't fix the problem. On the contrary, they will lead you to take huge steps backwards.
Instead of engaging in destructive behaviors to manage the pain you are experiencing, do something constructive, like exercising, eating right, and counting on your friends
Step 2. Give yourself time to grieve
By suppressing your true emotions, you will prevent yourself from moving on. When negative emotions take over, try screaming, venting your frustration by crying, or expressing your feelings in any other way. Give yourself the opportunity to perceive them in all their forms. Avoid judging yourself.
- Set a time frame until you give yourself the opportunity to process the pain caused by the end of your story. It could be two days, two weeks or two months. Just allow yourself to suffer for a while. During this time, you may experience anger, confusion, or even relief.
- Once this period is over, do whatever it takes to get your life back in hand, even if it's just a matter of spending an afternoon at a friend's house.
Step 3. Stop idealizing your ex
List their negative traits and any reasons why your breakup would have been inevitable. This way you will break the spell you live in thinking that you have lost the most beautiful person in your life. Plus, you'll be able to stay objective as you go along.
Make a list of your ex's "negative sides" so you don't just focus on the positives. For example, you could list the problems you have had, such as her betrayals, her lies, or her lack of support
Step 4. Communicate affection and love whenever you think of him
You can't erase a person you have loved deeply, so don't think that the love you have for your ex will disappear. Instead of getting angry with yourself for the good you still want him to do, address this feeling in a positive way. Wish him the best whenever it crosses your mind.
- For example, if you have a good time together, you might say aloud, "I wish him a peaceful and happy life." Inhale deeply, exhale and continue your day.
- Don't blame yourself if you still love him even though it's been a long time since your relationship ended. It's normal, but it doesn't mean you should have continued a relationship that didn't work out.
Step 5. Write him a letter
Enter into the most vivid details of the events that led you to end the relationship, tell how you felt and everything you would like to get rid of. Try to outline the role you played and make an effort to forgive your ex for what he did to you.
- If you want, you can send him the letter once you have finished writing it, but you can also set it on fire or tear it up.
- By accepting what happened, you will be giving yourself a chance to move on. You will also be able to treasure this experience so as not to repeat it in the future.
Step 6. Be patient
It takes time to forget a person you love, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Just take life one day at a time. Over time, your feelings will begin to subside and you will feel better and more optimistic about the future.
