When the relationship is fulfilling, it allows you to express your individuality (with or without your partner), bring out the best in you and the other person, and grow. Especially if you have recently started a relationship, it pays to lay the groundwork for it to be healthy and positive from the start. By focusing on respect and correct communication, you can build a sincere and fulfilling relationship.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Communicate Effectively
Step 1. Don't hesitate to express what you think
Don't expect your partner to be able to read your mind or "catch" what's on your mind. If you want or need to talk about something, communicate it yourself. It's not fair for both of you to keep quiet about your needs. Likewise, don't keep things that are bothering you hidden. If there is something troubling you, don't hesitate to tell him.
If you don't know how to start the conversation, try this: "There are some thoughts that run through my head and I would like you to listen to me." You could also say, "There is something bothering me and I think we should talk about it."
Step 2. Listen carefully
To build a fulfilling relationship, you need to know when to talk and when to listen. Develop your listening skills by avoiding interrupting your partner while talking and giving him a chance to end his thoughts and express his feelings. Follow his speech and don't think about what answers to give as he talks to you.
Listen by reflecting on the content of his reasoning and the emotions that accompany it. Try saying, "I want to make sure you understand. You're saying you got nervous because I didn't let you know that I was going home now and you wanted me to warn you sooner because you were worrying."
Step 3. Set healthy boundaries
Limits are not meant to make you feel trapped, but to maintain respect within the couple and understand what to expect from your relationship. If something makes you uncomfortable, talk about the changes that help you improve the situation and how to manage them. For example, if one of you prefers to spend a lot of time together and the other cares about your personal spaces, it is important to determine how long you should see each other and be on their own.
- For example, you might decide to set limits on a sexual (having an exclusive relationship) and social (spending one evening a week for friends or other interests).
- Don't let your partner control you, but not the other way around either. The limits must be aimed at fostering mutual respect and finding compromises for the relationship to work.
Step 4. Communicate clearly
Without clear communication, couples risk giving their worst. When you have a desire or need, express it sincerely to your partner. Don't be vague and don't say something that can make you miserable just to please your significant other. Try speaking firsthand when you express your feelings, make a remark, or express your opinion. In this way, you will be able to explain yourself clearly and directly, taking responsibility for what you think and feel, and at the same time you will avoid blaming or accusing the other person.
To correctly communicate what you think, try to say: "I think / I have the impression / I would like … when … why …". For example: "I get upset when you leave the door open because I feel cold and there is a lot of drafts."
Step 5. Express your emotions
Tell your partner what you think and feel and accept everything that comes with it emotionally. Pay attention to his state of mind and offer your support during the most stressful situations. If you can understand his feelings, you will be able to relate to his situation.
If you notice some distance, start asking him a few questions about what he is feeling (without blaming him or speculating). By knowing his state of mind, you will begin to understand him better
Step 6. Confront
Occasionally, take the time to discuss your relationship. Sometimes, things change or increase commitments and there is no time to communicate or talk. Therefore, it is advisable to take stock of the situation, discussing the objectives and expectations regarding the relationship, as they can sometimes change. If you ignore the thorniest topics or hope the difficulties resolve themselves, the relationship could fall apart.
- For example, one way to attempt a confrontation might be: "Are you all right after yesterday's disagreement? I just want to make sure there are no doubts or pending speeches."
- Ask your partner if there is agreement on the expectations that drive your relationship. You can discuss cohabitation, sexual relations, marriage, children or relocation. Be clear about what you want and the role your partner plays in your vision as a couple.
Part 2 of 3: Behaving Right
Step 1. Base your relationship on respect
A relationship can be beautiful and thrilling at first, but it is vital that it is founded on respect. Behave in a way that requires respect from the other person. Do everything to ensure that each one always treats the other with consideration, even when they lose their temper.
- The partner's desires, thoughts and feelings have a strong value. Let him know that you care about everything he feels. Mutual respect is important for a relationship to function properly.
- Tell him that you feel respect is needed in your relationship. Decide what you "can" and "cannot" do, how to insult yourself or how far you go into sexual intercourse.
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Perhaps it would be appropriate to establish rules that allow you to be correct even if a dispute arises. Here are some of them:
- Don't use scornful language;
- Don't blame;
- Do not shout;
- Don't be physically aggressive;
- Don't threaten to separate;
- Do not try to impose thoughts on the partner and do not emotionally suggest him;
- Live in the present;
- Keep your word;
- Devote your free time to the most important things.
Build a Healthy Relationship Step 8 Step 2. Appreciate each other
In a healthy relationship, each partner must feel appreciated. Often, relationships are built brick after brick. Keep in mind everything your partner does for you and thank them. Instead of focusing on his mistakes, think about how he enriches your life. When you notice something, tell him about it and show how much you appreciate it.
- Ask your partner how much they like to feel appreciated. So, write him a few notes or try to thank him more often.
- Let him know how much you like that you appreciate yourself. Tell him, "It means a lot to me when you notice everything I do for you."
Build a Healthy Relationship Step 9 Step 3. Spend important moments
It's easy to slip away from real-life use of electronic devices to communicate. Yet, sometimes in this passage the sense of the relationship is lost or there is a risk that non-verbal communication becomes non-existent. By spending your time together, you can strengthen the relationship and the bond that unites you.
- Find something to do regularly together. You could have coffee together in the morning or read together in the evening.
- To spend time together in a fun and stimulating way, try something new. You don't have to do anything crazy: you just have to dine in a new restaurant or try a new recipe.
Build a Healthy Relationship Step 10 Step 4. Give yourself the spaces you need
No one can ever represent everything to another person. Therefore, allow your other half to hang out with friends, see their family members, and indulge in their hobbies. It is important that each of you have friendships and passions to cultivate for yourself. Although at the beginning of the relationship it is normal to spend every moment together, you must respect each other to the point that you allow yourself the opportunity to be each on their own and understand that the time spent apart does not affect your relationship. Encourage those around you to keep their friendships.
Don't give up on your friendships and don't induce your partner to do the same. The presence and emotional support of friends are important. Likewise, don't let your other half tell you if you can or can't see your family
Build a Healthy Relationship Step 11 Step 5. Expect changes
Keep in mind that your relationship will be about to change. Accept that everything evolves: your partner, your relationship, and yourself. See the changes that occur in the relationship as opportunities for growth. Since they are inevitable, accept them and acknowledge that your relationship is also bound to transform.
When changes occur, take a deep breath and manage them one at a time
Part 3 of 3: Improving an Unfulfilling Relationship
Build a Healthy Relationship Step 12 Step 1. Consult a therapist
If your relationship is characterized by patterns that ruin your life as a couple and you want to improve the situation, invite your partner to go to therapy. The therapist can help you break the destructive patterns in which you feel trapped (such as yelling, accusing you, isolating yourself, having misconceptions, and not communicating effectively). It can also encourage you to break down emotional barriers, change behaviors, and change your outlook on your relationship. Going to therapy does not mean that your relationship is doomed, but that you are willing to work together to improve it.
Consult this site to find a couples therapist in your city
Build a Healthy Relationship Step 13 Step 2. Get rid of codependency
In a codependent relationship, dysfunctional behavior is configured in the role of the partner who supports or encourages the irresponsibility, immaturity, dependence or poor health of the other. If you play this role, you may feel guilty about not helping those around you, even if you know it is counterproductive in the long run. Codependency often has its roots in childhood and can lead to repressing one's feelings (not expressing needs, keeping quiet to avoid quarrels) and inhibiting the ability to express rejection.
- Partners risk isolating themselves from the rest of the world and not having friends outside of their relationship.
- Learn about codependency relationships and try to identify your (or your partner's) self-destructive behaviors. Individual or couple therapy can be followed.
- For more information read How To Know If You Are Codependent.
Build a Healthy Relationship Step 14 Step 3. Respect your partner's privacy
Being in a relationship doesn't mean spending every moment together or sharing everything. Respect the other person's privacy and spaces. If jealousy takes over, remember that it is a feeling that has no direct bearing on your partner's behavior.
- Do not demand the password of his social media accounts or his e-mails. Respect his privacy and trust him.
- It is not healthy for each to continuously monitor the behavior of the other. It can be jealousy or delusions of control, but in no case is it an attitude that is good for the relationship.
Build a Healthy Relationship Step 15 Step 4. Notice the warning signs of aggression
Relationships should be built on respect and common sense, not power and control. Even if you don't notice certain behaviors at first, remember that disrespect has a huge impact on your relationship. If your partner is possessive, offends you, yells, humiliates you, or has little regard for you, don't underestimate them. There is no justification when a person is aggressive. Violence is a choice to which you are not forced to bend, becoming a victim of it.
