If a friend is jealous of you, the relationship between you can become difficult, especially if you reserve the treatment of silence. First you have to address the problem, the fact that he is not talking to you, then you have to work on the jealousy that caused it.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Stopping the Silence Treatment
Step 1. Talk to your friend
One way to deal with the silent treatment is to talk about it directly. Ask your friend what happens and try to get an answer. In some cases, you just need to point out that there is a problem to open the way of communication between you.
- You can call him and ask him, "Hey, I noticed you don't reply to my messages and emails. Is something wrong?"
- Of course, this strategy may not work if your friend doesn't answer your phone. In that case the best solution is to meet him in person.
Step 2. Let him know that you are not bothered and set a limit
Do not respond angrily to the person who does not speak to you and do not laugh at them. Doing so would give her more power, while laughing at the situation would likely infuriate her. Tell your friend directly that you would prefer him to tell you about what is bothering him.
- For example, you can say, "I understand from your silence that you are angry with me and I would like to solve the problem. Please let me know when you are ready to talk about it, because I care about you and want to have a good relationship again. I will not bother you. again trying to contact you if you don't want to talk to me, but I'm ready to deal with the matter whenever you want."
- Silence treatment is a form of control and often those who use it derive pleasure from seeing you hurt or downcast, or from your constant attempts to contact them. If you don't let this bother you, your friend won't be able to enjoy your negative feelings.
- It may take some time for the person to decide to talk to you again and in the meantime you can adopt this strategy.
Step 3. Apologize
If you have some responsibility in your fight, apologizing is never a bad idea. However, try to tell your friend that you are sorry, also explaining that you would like to talk more about what happened, so that you can understand his point of view. Make it clear that you don't accept being ignored, but that you are willing to listen and try to fix the problem.
- Apologizing can let your friend know that you are being silly, and can also be a good way to start the conversation that will lead to the situation being resolved. If you can't reach him on the phone, you can send him an email or even a regular letter to say you'll apologize if you talk.
- Try saying, "I'm sorry about what happened and I'd like to talk about it so I can understand your point of view. However, if you keep ignoring me, I won't have that chance. I'm willing to listen to you as soon as you want to talk."
Part 2 of 3: Discussing the Silence Treatment
Step 1. Talk about it when you get the chance
Over time, hopefully, your friend will start talking to you again. When it does and when tempers have calmed down, be sure to discuss the silent treatment, explaining that you don't like being ignored like that.
Step 2. Explain how you felt
One way to point out the problem is to say what you felt. Tell your friend that you don't like the silent treatment by talking about your feelings and your relationship. If you can make him realize how hurt you were, he may decide to stop acting that way.
For example, you might say, "I feel really upset when you ignore my phone calls and emails, especially when we're mad at each other. I end up thinking you don't care about me or our friendship, because you're not willing to talk about our problems."
Step 3. Let your friend do the talking
This conversation shouldn't be one-sided. You need to give him a chance to respond and tell how he feels. If he's jealous of you, he may need to say it. Plus, he may not even have noticed that he is ignoring you.
To give the other person a chance to speak, ask him a question, such as, "Now that I've had the opportunity to say what you think, I'd like to hear your opinion. What do you think and how do you feel?"
Step 4. Talk about the silence treatment
If you wish, you can also explain why you think this is a bad form of communication. In fact, many psychologists consider it comparable to emotional abuse, because it leads to the closure of the lines of communication, deteriorating the relationship. Talking about problems openly is much better for carrying on a relationship.
For example, you might say, "One reason I don't like the silent treatment is that it prevents us from solving our problems together. The only way to move forward is to talk and deal with things that aren't right."
Part 3 of 3: Coping with Jealousy
Step 1. Reassure your friend
Often, jealousy arises when you start a new relationship, whether it's with a romantic partner or a new friend. The most recent relationship involves you to the point that you no longer have much time for your friend, who then becomes jealous.
- Your friend has a right to feel jealous if you throw yourself headlong into a new relationship and neglect the ones you had before.
- Try spending more time with your friend and tell him you still appreciate him, even if you see each other less.
Step 2. Include your friend
If you are in a new relationship, be sure to invite him to go out with you from time to time. Of course, you won't always want another person's company if you've started dating someone, but creating a company of friends that you can invite them into will make them feel included.
Step 3. Tell the other person that the changes in your relationship are not due to something they have done
You haven't started a new relationship because you don't like your old friend anymore. Tell him that you are not looking to replace him, but that you enjoy spending time with different people.
For example, you might say, "I know you're angry because I've been with Marco a lot. However, I want you to understand that I'm not trying to replace you. I just enjoy spending time with different people."
Step 4. Mention what you like about your friend
He may be as jealous of your relationships as he is of your skills or achievements. Tell him you appreciate him and you might ease his jealousy, because he may not think his merits are viewed positively by others.
- There is no need to have a long and serious conversation with your friend about his results.
- Rather, just make a comment in a normal conversation. For example, you might say, "You know, I've always admired your writing talent. You really are a terrific author."
Step 5. Don't put too much weight on your results
If your friend is jealous of what you have achieved, it can help you not to focus on what you have achieved. This doesn't mean you should never talk about your most successful moments. However, you don't have to throw them in your friend's face, especially when he's having a bad time, at work or school. For example, if you've been getting good grades in school lately, don't say it unless he's asking you.
Step 6. Talk about your friend's jealousy or negativity
If he gets angry when you tell him good news about your life, he is not being a good friend and you have a right to tell him. Focus on your feelings to keep the conversation going, instead of blaming him.
For example, you could say, "You know, I worked hard to make a quality project and it hurts me to see that you are not happy for me. I am happy when you get a good result."
Step 7. End the relationship
A definitive solution is to sever the relationship. If the person is always jealous of the company you hang out with or your accomplishments, they are not a good friend. You don't have to keep having this kind of negativity in your life.
- You can formally separate yourself from that person, just like you would a partner: "I think we'll have to spend less time together. I don't think we're on the same page anymore."
- Another option is to spend less time with your friend, so that you are not controlled by his jealousy.
