A person with martyr syndrome puts everyone's needs before their own, so that they can suffer for others and thus make sense of their life. Nonetheless, an individual with this condition often feels ill for no reason at all, expecting the people around him to fill him with affection for the sacrifices he makes. If you interact with a person at home or at work who you think has martyr's syndrome, you may want to recognize the overall symptoms before intervening. Read on to learn more.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Recognizing Martyr Syndrome in Personal Relationships
Step 1. You need to know that people with martyr's syndrome suffer mostly by choice
When someone has this disorder, they often decide to continue to feel bad instead of solving the problem, because they think their suffering gives them the completeness and satisfaction they need to lead a meaningful and rich life. Above all, he craves recognition and approval from the people around him.
Step 2. Recognize martyr syndrome in a person you suspect is dealing with an abusive relationship
Perpetuating suffering, instead of remedying the problem, is a common symptom among those in a relationship based on various abuses and harassment. She stays with the person who is causing her pain because she thinks she can change her way of being through her disinterested behavior. Despite having the choice to withdraw from difficult situations, he decides to stay there, since he believes it is nobler to suffer; also, she thinks she can be considered selfish if she gives up.
For example, a woman might stay with an abusive husband for two reasons. One is to think that it is his job to "fix" him and the relationship, so he suffers with the aim of being altruistic and repairing his partner's behavior. The second is to decide not to leave him because he does not want his children to live in an unbalanced house. For this, she chooses suffering instead of letting her children bear it (in fact she thinks they will be sick if she leaves her husband)
Step 3. Find out what his role model is
People with martyr's syndrome often choose a point of reference. Generally it is someone who has decided to suffer instead of confronting a situation, with the aim of achieving some goal. Because of this pattern of behavior, this person is dominated by the thoughts he reserves for others and places himself on a pedestal, because he has taken on the task of offering selfless services for the benefit of others.
Step 4. See if this person complains often because their altruism is not recognized
Individuals with martyr's syndrome often seem unhappy and act accordingly because they think their sacrifices are not appreciated. In many cases they feel that the people they sacrificed for do not understand that it was necessary for them to be successful.
Typically these individuals talk about how difficult their lives have been because they have had to sacrifice so much for the benefit of others. They never talk about the other paths they could have taken to remedy the different situations
Step 5. A person with martyr's syndrome will make the lives of those for whom he sacrificed himself difficult
He will often remind them of everything he has done and that he deserves recognition and appreciation. There are many behaviors that she will consider anything but respectful (even those that are not) and she will often feel insulted. For this, it is offended with extreme ease and will explode due to practically non-existent triggers.
Here is an example of what a person with martyr syndrome would say: “I have done so much for him, so the least he could do is involve me in all aspects of his life and in every decision he makes. He owes me respect and gratitude for everything I have given him”
Step 6. This person will always sing their praises
An individual with martyr's syndrome will always speak well of himself and describe himself as someone who has decided to suffer for a noble cause. He will behave as if he is constantly haunted by an overwhelming feeling, meaning he thinks that people who have benefited from his sacrifices do not recognize and appreciate his selfless contributions and services.
Furthermore, he will not hesitate to voice his displeasure in front of anyone who is willing to listen. He wants as many people as possible to be aware of his misfortunes, because because of his sacrifices he has always been forced to get less than others
Step 7. Watch him to see if he expects everyone to show empathy
People with martyr syndrome want others to admire them for their altruism. They greatly appreciate empathic demonstrations, because they have given up so many dreams and aspirations in order to offer benefits to someone else.
If someone tries to question their intentions or points out that they didn't have a duty to sacrifice everything, they might get angry and angry. Typically, they will respond by saying that the person who dared to contradict them is selfish and ungrateful, who has no idea how difficult their life has been
Step 8. This person may refuse any help
When an individual with martyr's syndrome decides that it is his job to fix someone else's life, he refuses all assistance, or considers any intervention insignificant in the face of the gravity of the situation. He does not accept any suggestions because he thinks that everything happens only thanks to his contribution, and that no one else is capable of making the same changes.
Whenever possible, an individual with martyr's syndrome describes the various situations as the only person capable of bearing the burden, despite having been helped or the situation did not actually require any intervention from the start
Step 9. A person with this disorder will demand displays of love and respect
He will love you and fill you with affection, but in return he will want you to do exactly the same. Little obvious or unspoken actions do not satisfy her: she wants others to express their affection and gratitude in the most open way possible.
He expects you to talk to everyone you meet about his sacrifices and selflessness. He also hopes to receive gifts that show your appreciation
Method 2 of 2: Recognizing Martyr's Syndrome at Work
If you think a co-worker of yours is suffering from martyr's syndrome, it is important to know the symptoms to adequately confirm your suspicions.
Step 1. Pay attention to the moment he arrives at the office or leaves
If you suspect that a colleague of yours has martyr's syndrome, see if he arrives before anyone else and if he stays in the workplace until late when everyone is gone. It is one of the main signs. Try getting to the office early and staying late to see if it actually happens.
Not having a life outside of work (or having very little) can be another sign. This person may arrive early and leave late because they have an unbalanced existence, which revolves completely around work
Step 2. See if she brings home work to do
A person with martyr's syndrome will not hesitate to continue a project outside working hours. He will say that it is not enough to get involved in the office and that he is happy to go about his duties after the working day is over. You can tell if he does this by noting the times he sends e-mails for example; if he does so at inopportune moments, he probably has this disorder.
If she only occasionally sends or replies to emails at the craziest hours, that doesn't necessarily mean she's a labor martyr. However, if it happens every day, it is likely that she has this syndrome
Step 3. Observe her to see if she often complains about all the work she does without being recognized
This type of person expects colleagues to know that he works hard based on the hours he spends in the office, not based on his efficiency or productivity. She may consider herself the only employee capable of completing tasks correctly. As a result, she finds it difficult to delegate parts of her duties, because she thinks this will lead to poor results. What happen? It takes twice as long to complete every assignment that is assigned to her.
People with martyr syndrome may also have trouble assigning different priorities to their tasks because they are obsessed with the importance of each individual task
Step 4. Pay attention to what he thinks of his own importance within the company
People with martyr syndrome honestly believe that the companies they work for would collapse without them. For this reason, it is difficult for them to take days off. When that happens, they work from home to make sure the business doesn't go broke.
Advice
- If you think you are living or working with someone with martyr's syndrome, discuss the problem with someone you trust, be it a friend or a therapist.
- While you can help a person who has this disorder, on the other hand she is the only one who can do something to solve her victimization problems.
