You may be afraid of annoying or angering others by sharing your feelings. Remember, though, that hiding your feelings can lead to anxiety, depression, discontent, and even physical health problems; it can also cause problems in your personal and professional relationships. By learning to express your feelings, you will become more aware of yourself and achieve a better state of physical and mental health.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Take Awareness of Your Feelings
Step 1. Accept your feelings
Before you can do anything else, you have to acknowledge and accept that you have emotions - there is nothing wrong with that. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just exist.
When you feel something, don't get mad at yourself. Instead, think: "I feel this way and that's acceptable."
Step 2. Recognize how your body reacts to what you feel
Feelings are driven by emotions, which are controlled by the brain. Take note of the physiological responses you have when you feel something. For example, you may sweat when you are afraid, your face may feel hot when you are embarrassed, and your heart rate may speed up when you are angry. Getting in touch with your body's reactions helps you recognize feelings as they arise.
If you can't get in tune with your body, try relaxing your body by sitting in a quiet place and taking deep breaths. Repeat the mantra "What am I feeling?" to understand the reactions of the body associated with each feeling
Step 3. Learn the lexicon of feelings
It can be difficult to express how you feel if you don't know the right words to do it. Try searching for the "feeling tables" that you can find with a quick internet search, to understand the whole range of emotions and learn the best words to describe what you feel.
Try to learn the words that describe feelings as specifically as possible. For example, instead of saying "I'm fine", a very general concept, use words like "joyful", "lucky", "thankful" or "elated". Similarly, instead of saying "I feel bad", you can say "irritated", "uncertain", "discouraged" or "rejected"
Step 4. Ask yourself why you feel certain sensations
Ask yourself a series of "why" questions to get to the root of your feelings. For example, "I feel like I'm going to cry. Why? Because I'm mad at my boss. Why? Because he offended me. Why? Because he doesn't respect me." Continue with the "whys" until you reach the ultimate limit of your emotions.
Step 5. Break down complex emotions
We often have multiple feelings at the same time. It is important to separate them into individual elements so that you can go through them one at a time. For example, if your relative has passed away from a long illness, you may be saddened by their disappearance, but also relieved that that person has stopped suffering.
Complex emotions can arise from both primary and secondary ones. Primary emotions are the first response to a situation and secondary ones are direct or indirect sensations that we experience as a consequence of the primary ones. For example, if your partner leaves you, you may feel anguish at first, then feel like you don't deserve her love. Decipher your primary and secondary emotions to get a clearer picture of your mental processes
Part 2 of 3: Expressing Your Feelings to Others
Step 1. Use first person affirmations
When you express your feelings to someone, first-person affirmations are very powerful, because they promote bonding and don't blame your interlocutor. Saying phrases like "You make me feel _" puts the blame on the person you're talking to. Rephrase your statement by saying, "I feel_".
First-person affirmations are made up of three parts: emotion, action, and motivation. Try compound sentences like the following: "I feel anger when you discuss my work with me, because you belittle my intelligence."
Step 2. Talk to others about your feelings
Deciding how to start a discussion about your emotions with another person can be difficult. If you want to talk to someone about how you feel, always start with positivity by complimenting them and celebrating your relationship. Then describe how you feel with first-person affirmations, with the utmost sincerity.
- For example, you might say, "I really enjoy spending time with you. You are a very important figure in my life and I want to create a deeper bond between us. I am a little nervous talking to you, but I want to be honest with you. What I feel is… ".
- In a professional setting, open the conversation sincerely, directly and positively. For example, say, "I really appreciate all the hard work you are doing. Let's talk for a moment about how we can help you and the company succeed."
- Let the conversation proceed naturally, do not be angry and do not be offended by the answers given by your interlocutor.
Step 3. Communicate clearly
Communication is extremely important for the expression of feelings. Choose a trusted group of loved ones to share your feelings with. When talking to them, be as clear as possible, use the lexicon of feelings mentioned above and statements in the first person. If you are sharing how a situation made you feel, describe it clearly, as well as the feelings it aroused in you. Your loved ones will listen to you and value your feelings.
People who love you can also offer you a different perspective on situations that you may not have considered. They are a precious foothold, able to help you overcome your feelings
Step 4. Listen when others are talking to you
Communication is a two-way street: you have to learn to listen when others speak to communicate effectively. When someone turns to you, give them your full attention (put your phone away!), Respond non-verbally by nodding your head, and offer your comments to their statements.
You can comment by asking for clarification, such as: "If I understand correctly you feel …", or by reflecting on the words of your interlocutor by saying: "This is important for you because …"
Step 5. Breathe deeply
Before you react emotionally to a situation, take a deep breath. Deep breathing has been scientifically proven to relax you and lower your blood pressure. If you breathe before you react, you can clear your mind and respond responsibly.
Practice deep breathing at least three times a week for maximum benefit
Step 6. Surround yourself with positive and trustworthy people
Human beings are social animals, so they have a tendency to adjust to the tone of the situation they are experiencing. If you find yourself with people who speak negatively about others, you may be prone to participate in negativity. Conversely, if you surrounded yourself with positive people, you would feel in an environment where you have the opportunity to thrive and grow. Friends you hang out with create the environment that determines your success. If you have a solid group of friends, you will have less trouble expressing your feelings in front of them.
Choosing the right friends can be a long, trial and error process. Get closer to the people who inspire you, support you, make you happier and energize you
Step 7. Consult a professional if you have trouble expressing your emotions
There is nothing wrong with having problems with expressing feelings. You can talk to someone specifically trained to talk about how you feel and receive their guidance, not only to learn how to express your feelings, but also to get to the root of the problem that prevents you from doing so.
Talk to a psychologist, rely on serious websites, telephone services, or even the parish priest of the nearest church to talk about your feelings
Part 3 of 3: Expressing Your Emotions Privately
Step 1. Meditate
Meditation is a powerful tool that can help you focus your energies and find calm when you are feeling stressed or anxious. To start meditating, find a quiet, comfortable place to sit. Start with regular breaths, then move on to deep breathing by slowly inhaling through your nose and letting your chest expand as you fill your lungs. Then slowly exhale from your mouth.
As you breathe, think about your every feeling, its origin and the reaction you would like to have about it
Step 2. Write down your feelings
Get in the habit of writing down your feelings on paper (or on your mobile). Giving a tangible shape to your emotions will help you organize them and understand them better. Journaling has been shown to dramatically reduce stress, strengthen the immune system, and improve a person's overall well-being.
- Try spending 20 minutes a day in your diary. Don't worry about grammar and punctuation. Write quickly to leave out all unnecessary thoughts. This is your personal diary, so don't be afraid it will be inconsistent or difficult to read.
- First, try writing about a good experience to identify your thoughts, then move on to describing how that experience made you feel.
- Try to describe your feelings in terms of colors, weather, or music. For example, if you are feeling happy today, describe which colors and what climate match your happiness.
Step 3. Exercise
During the unbearable days, when you are filled with anger, stress and anxiety, you need to find an outlet to release those feelings. You cannot suffocate them inside of you, because you will only end up having even more negative feelings and even suffering from depression or physical problems.
Some ways to vent your feelings are yoga, gentle face massages, and activities that are fun
Step 4. Reward yourself
When you experience positive feelings, such as excitement, happiness, contentment, and joy, harness the momentum and reward yourself by going shopping, eating a cake, or hanging out with friends.
By using positive reinforcement to reward yourself when you experience those feelings, your brain will begin to understand that, when you feel good on the inside, positive things happen on the outside as well. Thanks to this advice, you will be able to self-condition yourself to think positively
Step 5. Visualize the different ways of expressing your feelings in specific situations
Only you can decide how to share what you feel. You can react negatively or positively to all events that arise and visualizing all possible reactions can help you pinpoint your true emotions about what you are experiencing.
For example, a close friend of yours is moving away and you find that you are both angry and sad about his departure. You may choose to avoid him or argue with him to minimize the pain for you, or decide to spend as much time with him as possible
Advice
- In some cases, the feelings are too strong and the best choice is to get away from them for a moment. This doesn't mean ignoring their existence, but just finding time to breathe and go back to dealing with them when you're ready.
- Don't be hard on yourself and don't get angry if you can't express your feelings.
- Identifying and expressing one's emotions is not easy. It takes experience to understand oneself and to understand how individual actions can affect us.
