Announcing pregnancy on a one night stand is probably one of the hardest things that will ever happen to you in life. However, you need to realize that it's up to you to prepare yourself first and foremost before you involve someone else in something that changes your life.
Steps
Step 1. Don't rush to him and tell him the news
The reason you don't have to do this is that you first have to figure out how to manage the pregnancy - with or without the help of the father, in case he has a negative reaction or it doesn't match what you hoped for.
Step 2. Once you have digested the news, have been to the doctor and have decided whether or not to keep the baby, you need to understand when you want to involve the future father in your life and that of your child
Consider what things to consider before telling them. Some questions might be:
- Do you need to depend on him to help you grow and maintain the little one?
- Is he stable enough to handle this?
- Would you be willing to get to know this new creature better?
- Is he the kind of man you want in your child's life?
Step 3. When you decide to call or text him to meet him, keep in mind that he may think of your call as an invitation to continue the night we spent together
And so it might treat you coldly.
Step 4. Be direct and get straight to the point
Avoid chattering, stammering, or crying but don't throw it in their face. Tell him that you need to talk to him and that you hope to meet him for a stroll (in a public place) or for a coffee (in a quiet place). If he asks why, reply that you are not alone at the moment and therefore cannot tell him. If you can, try to mention that you are not going to prolong the relationship, it is totally unrelated. If he agrees, make an appointment at a suitable place. If he refuses, once you have insisted you will have to tell him on the phone or write him a letter, if you have his address.
Step 5. Start the conversation with the usual formalities:
“How are you?” Etc. Take a deep breath and say, “The night we spent together a few weeks ago must have gone wrong. I went to the doctor the other day and he confirmed my suspicions. I'm pregnant. He's probably going to get a shock and won't know what to say, so you better keep talking. Tell him you just wanted him to know. Then explain to him your decision, that you have thought of everything and that he is free or less of taking part in this if you want… the choice is yours.
Step 6. Be prepared for various reactions
They can range from total rejection - he cannot be the child's father but someone else - to acceptance, to the fact that he will support you in whatever choice you make. You may also have to deal with anger and aggression. If this happens, remind yourself that you have just communicated to a man that he is about to father a child conceived with a person he hardly knows; so if he gets angry, take a deep breath, say that you are sorry that he feels this way and that if he prefers to talk about it again another day, it is okay with you anyway.
Step 7. If you accept the news positively, you can discuss a little more and start from here
If he leaves in a hurry, better leave him alone. Shouting and pressuring him for an answer and trying to trap him doesn't work, it will only make the situation worse. Give them some time to process it and take responsibility for it. If he is mature, he will call you back once he has accepted the idea of becoming a father.
Advice
- If you're nervous or scared ahead of time, take a bottle of water and a packet of candy with you. If you are tense, chewing will distract you and you will think less about your breathing speeding up.
- If the man in question loses control of himself, gets angry, denies the child is his or runs away, let him. You just dropped a bomb on him, while you had plenty of time to digest the news.
- Prepare a draft of what you want to tell him before you go to the meeting.
Warnings
- Never meet him in a deserted or isolated area. Remember that after all it was a one-night stand and you don't know each other well. If he reacts badly, you could end up in danger.
- Never, EVER, ever try to trap or pressure him by using pregnancy as an excuse. Does not work. If a man cares about you, he'll be by your side whether he wants the baby or not, so don't be fooled.
- He may not want to be an active part in the child's life. Prepare by talking to a professional and find out which services offer assistance to single mothers. You will also need help and support from your family and that's not something to be ashamed of. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but of common sense.
