The idea that there is only one soul mate or that "if you really love someone you are not attracted to others" is not always valid in reality. If you find yourself embroiled in a situation where you have feelings for two people, you need to take a step back, figure out what those feelings are, and then try to decide which of the two people you should commit to. It may not always be easy to figure out which person is right for you. But if you are honest with yourself, you will find your answer. Here is a short guide to help you find it quickly.
Steps
Step 1. Decide which person you would like to feel engaged with for now
This thought doesn't have to be permanent and you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. If you can't figure out which one to choose first, opt for the first person you met, or the one who is kinder, or the one with the personality you prefer.
Step 2. Spend a lot of time with this first person, to make sure you keep a clear picture of how you feel when you are with her; this can mean meeting her very often or meeting her from time to time to win her over
You decide what you think is right.
Step 3. Maintain a platonic friendship with the second person for the moment
Maintain this position throughout the process of becoming aware.
Step 4. Assess if you have a crush on this second person, or if you desire it sexually; this can help you directly understand the true nature of your feelings
Get away from her for some time, avoid contact, and heal other aspects of your life, so that you can better analyze your feelings over time. Try to be away for a day, a week, or a couple of months, for as long as you see fit.
Step 5. Continue to remain distant until you are sure you have given any crush time to simmer
Most crushes die off over time.
Step 6. Take the time to analyze both friendships, and see if the second person feels more than a crush
Step 7.
Write down everything that comes to mind about the first person.
Also write down everything you can think of for the second person. Keep the following questions in mind.
- In general, what characteristics do you consider essential to choose an important partner?
- What specific aspects do you value in each friendship?
- What specific aspects of each friendship could be improved?
- What do you find attractive in each person?
- How does each person return your kindness?
- How does each person react to adversity?
- Is there one of the two who reciprocates your love the most?
- How realistic is your image of each person? If you know either one better, can you still see the situation clearly?
Step 8. Look at the lists comparing them and analyzing the different feelings for each person
- Do you find that one person is a little more compatible with you than the other?
- This doesn't mean you can't love both of them, but it can be an indicator of which relationship might be more successful.
Step 9. Check your feelings
Using the odds of a relationship's success as a yardstick, gauge your feelings. If the result of this analysis leads you to choose the first person, what could be the consequences, and what could be your emotions about it? What if the result is the opposite?
Step 10. Understand that love is a wonderful gift that anyone can give at any time, without warning
As human beings, we are able to love many people and when we love someone we put the other person's needs ahead of our own. Sometimes loving a person means being with them and making sure they are happy forever. Sometimes loving a person means allowing them to find happiness with someone else. Either way, love for both still exists and is nothing that needs to be emphasized further, as long as the boundaries of relationships are clearly defined. If you truly love the other person, then you will be happy to see them happy; your friendship and love for her can continue, and you will never have to choose between two.
Step 11. Trust your instincts
Never forget that you are the one who should be able to make your own decisions. Also remember that we all have the right to be happy with someone we love. If you try to find the answer and follow these steps you can find yourself in a happy relationship.
Advice
- Respect both people, put yourself in their shoes.
- Don't let a special moment change your thoughts, it might just confuse you, and then you risk sending mixed messages to both of you.
- Ask yourself who you trust the most, and how they would behave if you were in a relationship with him / her.
- Think about it a lot and hard. Don't make a rash decision.
- Talk to someone you trust about your problem. He may have a different perspective on the situation and may help you.
- Get away from both of them and see which one you forget about, who you think about the most, or who you want to be with the most. If you are spending all your time with one, you may want the other more just because you tend to believe that what you don't have is better.
- Engage with work, with friends, do whatever it takes to avoid dwelling on this situation. Sometimes just walk away. A clear mind always makes better decisions.
- Don't make decisions based on momentary feelings or doubts.
- Stay some time with yourself, to get to know the person better. This helps you to just be friends with both people and be nice to them. Start slowly, then decide if you like it enough. If you're nervous that's okay, we all get this feeling at times. You can only get attached to people as friends and enjoy their company.
- Think carefully, which of these loves can you imagine yourself in 20 years or more? Can you see yourself with children with this person? (If that's your wish).
- Do what you think is right. But you won't always be able to quickly figure out what it is. So wait. Spend some time and make the right decision. Try not to focus on the person you can't have more than the other. This can, of course, make you want it more.
- Don't seduce them.
- Try to distract yourself, it will help you cope better with the situation.
